Vent 1
Well, this is the place to vent, right? Good, because I sure need to vent. I'm so boiling angry, I'm going to blow a gasket! The youngest SD, age 35, is a lazy leech. She lives on her own (only because I won't let her leech off us) in welfare housing. She is a single mother of an 11 year old daughter. Over the years, we have helped her get a house, credit cards, paid bills for her, bought her food, bought clothes for her daughter, given her rides, babysat, etc etc etc and the list goes on and on. She has taken money and things from every one of her family and friends. She has never offered to help us with anything and when she comes over for meals, she sits on her ass unless someone asks her to do something. Her mother signed for a car for her (because we wouldn't) and so she bought an $18000 fairly new sports car, which she let her teenage welfare boyfriend and his friends take for a joyride and they totaled it. She also got fired from a good job because she was messing with another teenage boyfriend at work after she had had a warning. This girl is not dumb. Of course she lost the house we helped her buy. Now she "works" part time, about 8 hours a week. The problem is that my DH always feels sorry for her and so now, he goes and picks her up (because of course she has no car) and brings her over here to "work" and he thinks she should be paid. I would never ever have taken money from my parents to help them, especially if they had given me all the money and help we have given her!!! And it's not that my parents didn't offer me help, I just felt that I didn't need it and shouldn't take it from them, that I should take care of myself. My DH and I are always in knock down, dragged out arguments about it and I am so sick of it. Also, I had finally said to my DH that I'd make a deal with him. He could give her his old pickup truck if I would never have to hear about giving her money again for anything. Now here we are again back where we were. She didn't get the truck because she hasn't got the money to register it, but that's another story. The point is, I told her he could give it to her to end the feuding. I am just so sick of it! My DH has many serious health problems and is still working, I am and always have worked full time, and I don't like being used. I'm really getting ready to walk out on this crap. I have not worked hard all my life to support this loser.
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Comments
freeloader...
wow...I'm sorry you have to put up with that mess of a human being. Welcome to the "Wives of Guilt Fathers"super secret club...
Well...it sounds like her leeching has gone on just about long enough. It's time for you to start making some changes and putting your own money away for yourself in the event that your DH won't quit giving everything to his precious welfare princess. Call it "saving for a rainy day" but you need to safeguard your own future...let Dh go down with that sinking ship he calls a daughter.
Sorry if my advice is shallow sounding...it's just that I can't see him changing by what you wrote in your blog. So better to be safe and save some money in case you need to leave.
~Dignity and Grace. Be that and sneak past the hate...wrinkle free~
Not through a Step relationship but I feel your pain.
My I-Ls (nearly all of them) are of the same cut of cloth as your SD-35 though the have not her high level of slut whorishness. Fortunately my Wife refuses to throw money down the garbage disposal that their financial and personal decisions represent. Good thing since I would refuse to put any liquid resources in to that money shredder. We do have food delivered and any refunds go in to our account with that vendor so that nothing can be returned by them for cash. Pathetic and sad I know but any cash that goes in to the I-L cash shredder gets shredded (or at least wasted on some stupid crap or other crappy decision).
Since DH is your DH, you have veto rights on how ANY marital resources are spent. Soooooooooo I would let DH know in no uncertain terms and give him absolute clarity that under NO circumstance are marital resources to be given to, spent on or otherwise consumed for the benefit of the slut whore looser SD.
Not that I am being judgemental or opinionated.
No cash or help for morons who are incapable of making a good decision.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Thirty-f*ckin-five??!!
I am SO SORRY!! The thing that really scares me (for you!) is that if the woman is 35 years old and your husband doesn't get that he is just enabling her, especially with all of the proof that you mentioned above.... he'll never get it, and she'll never change.
If it was me, I think I'd be fighting every freakin' day with my husband!! What does he say when you point out that he's not helping her? And what is it going to take for him to realize that she will not help herself? Like, for one - even buying an $18000 car when she is in that financial position, let alone lending it to a teenager so they can trash it.
Doesn't he get frustrated ? Or does he think that she is a victim in all of this? What will it take for him to see the light? That she is the one causing all of her own issues???
I'm really sorry honey.... I don't have any words of advice, and am hesitant to say just leave the guy. But I hope you can protect yourself and your husband.
Hugs...
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Rags is right
In agreement w/last commenter. Put your foot down w/hubby. He's not one to put up a fight since he is ill and will need you. You have more power than you think, use it. Put money away for yourself secretly and and tell hubby not to touch your money. Marital money is your money too. I wouldn't return any of SD's calls. Actions speak louder than words.
Makes me sick
You helped more than most people ever get and she wasted it all. That is sickening. Good argument for making people work for things. The woman sounds barely functional.
You could itemize what you have done for her and what she did with it. Then compare her to the average 35 year old, who probably is self-supporting, with their own home and cars. Doesn't he see how infantile she is?
It's the old overfunctioner--underfunctioner model (Harriet Lerner) with a good dose of guilt parenting and emotional blackmail thrown in.
Get tough
It's time to start looking after your own interests and to hell with the sd.
It sounds as if her troubles are all of her own making and you and your husband have bailed her out on far too many occassions. It's true, when they know someone else will be there to constantly pick up their crap behind them, they just lose any sense of responsibility. They need to learn from their own mistakes and a dose of good old fashioned tough love is what is needed here I think. If your dh can't respect that, then you have to believe that you deserve much much more from life.
Good luck.