I am loosing sense of who I am
I am loosing sense of who I am in this stepmathering thing. My SS is almost 16 (in two days), I am married to his father for almost 2 years.
All these years before I met my husband I used to have solid sense of who I was, I liked myself and respected myself, I was confident and sexy.
Not any more. SS and his mother' s family, BM, all the grands and cousins and all SS's friends, are convinced I am a bad person, and it hurts. In my own home I don't feel like I am at home. My husband and I moved in to the house where he started family years ago, where we live now, and all the neighborhood of our tiny town knows the story. The closest neighbors were buddies with the BM and when she moved out by court order and we moved in we weren't welcome and we still aren't. They do not talk to me. Step son mentioned to his friend and I overheard, that even neighbors hate her.
It is something new to me, something I can't co-op well. I have never had any problems getting along at work, of course I used to live in the city on the 12th floor and I hardly saw any of my neighbors ever, but at least I didn't feel like an alient there.
Anyone else's experiencing same emotional problems?
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Why don't you guys move???
Why don't you guys move??? Why would you want to live in the same house BM did? Thats just crazy to me, no way would I EVER do that!
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
I'm with Melis on this one...
You two need to start your OWN life....it's no wonder that you feel lost....you are basically stepping in where someone else left off. If your H really loves you, he will discuss this with you.
You are allowing your life to be dictated by someone else's life. That is not FAIR to you. I know NOW is not the time to discuss it, but do you have a job that can take up LOTS of your time, in addition to caring for your H?
You have the perfect opportunity to make BOTH yours and your H's life STRESS FREE...MOVE into a place that you can call YOUR OWN.
Decorate it, make it YOURS. If this is not a possibility, then it's not a good thing for you.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Yes I would move!
I have felt the same way. We to moved into the house they had together and from the beginning the kids let me know I was in there place. The neighbors act funny to. I can tell they say stuff about me to their friends. Most of the stuff in the house belonged to DH & BM and he wouldn't get rid of it. Did i mention his mother refurbished alot of the old stuff when he tried to tell her we were trying to make it our home. He then refused to get rid of alot of things. I wish I had never moved into that house at least when we were at my house I wasn't being put in my place all the time and being made to feel like an outsider. I feel for ya and know what your going through.
Oh-My-Gosh...
omg, you are so right about the house. I have never seen any connection between living here though, with my emotions. It is all together, but yu are right, Thank you so much for pointing it to me. How a person can be so blind? I have neve felt comfortable here ever.
DH bought this house right before they got married, and he always loved this property. He put a lot of work into the house, he was kicked out b/c of that child abuse thing that never happened, and it took him several years to get the house back. She actually said that the house was too big for her, and she wanted money. DH has never concidered selling it, I asked, and I begged, he was too drained down with the divorce. He used to have business out of this house, he has a shop here and built -in equipment (she stole half of it). He was hoping to start the business once again. This property is his and for him, he loves it and he was up front he wanted to at least make the business going here. We were looking for another property, but economy went down, nothing sells - we stuck here for a while.
We have changed about everything in the house, furniture, floor, everything. I actually decorated, and SS was very unhappy about that and about his move downstairs away from our bedroom. The master bedroom is another story, I couldn't sleep there for some time, and DH insisted of course. He wouldn't listen to my arguments at all, he is a type of a guy who is not being bothered by many things and assuming every one like him. While he is in the hospital, I sleep in the guest's room (I know it souds great - please no comments on this). I am a mess. DH loves me, and we'd move eventually. SS's school is across the street, that's another argument why we "should stay here".
MIL is another story, she comes here like toher own house teaching me (43 yo woman) how to wash clothes, how to clean up the house, and Oh, you' love this one: she says I have to make my SS's bed, clean his closet and room :because men do not do stuff like this, you are step mother, you have to take responsibilities" Hah?? I do, making HIM do the bed and clean up room, but after his complaints to his BM she called me saying Live him alone. I said, O.K., i won't come into his room anymore at all. And I didn't for about 8 months! Now we have this carpet bugs situation in SS's room, and he is wondering why? And complains to his mom and everyone who listens that we (WE) have bugs all over the house.
This may sound a little odd,
This may sound a little odd, but have you considered having the house blessed? If you can't move, or can't afford to move, it's an alternative. You should speak to your pastor/priest/clergyman, and ask to have them come to your home and do a blessing. I've seen different ways to do it on the internet as well...
You never know, I think it may be worth a try.
No it doesn't sound to me
No it doesn't sound to me odd at all; in fact we did it shortly after we moved in. The priest came and blessed the house.
When we moved in it seemed like nobody lived there for awhile, it was so d-i-r-t-y, dust was everywhere. We hired the cleaning service, and then called the priest.
I could mention here what I found up on the kitchen cabinet... but that will sound really odd:)
Next time you tell your MIL
Next time MIL says something like that you just tell her that you want to teach SS how to take care of himself so that he won't have to marry a woman to take care of him like his father did