MY BIOLOGICAL SON'S FATHER
So last weekend was the day of the quincenera. My son's aunt (who happens to be my bf)daughter big day came. I also was chosen to be a godmother. When me and my ex last saw each other which must have been years I didn't remember having any issues. I stay away from his personal life, never ask for money, never harrass him to see my kid. In my mind he can have whatever relationship with my kid without me interferring. Anyway on Friday I had to go to the rehearsal dinner which he was at too, seeing that it was his niece. The dinner all I can say was BRUTAL! From beginning to end all he did was through jabs at me, if it wasn't about my looks, or how I couldn't cook, or jabs about my son coming to party with broken pants since per him I couldn't him. And then when there were introductions he would introduce me as the baby mama drama! Someone said something about a troll monster or something like that and he says oh I know one and stares me down!!! I was really taken aback. My son started joining in which really hurt me because here I am being the joke of the party and my son joins in. I didn't want him to stop him but I would have liked him not to join in. The next day was the party and thank god that I didn't deal with him once! The following day was the Lunch which my DH came with. Again he tried to make comments but I ignored him. Comments like I don't know what cleaning supplies were things like that. I think he didn't go overboard because DH gave him a look like stop before it gets ugly. Anyway right now I am so angry because for him to sit there and talk down to me is ridiculous! He gives me zero child support, I have raised his son all by myself and he is a great well adjusted kid and you have only bad things to say about me. If I made a simple comment he would roll his eyes, make sounds, and I still don't understand it. ALL I KNOW IS THAT I GOT THIS NEW PROFOUND HATE TOWARDS HIM! I kept quiet because I didn't want to stress my son's aunt but I now wish I had just told him the hell off!! A good SHUT THE FUCK UP was in order and I didn't get to express myself.
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Pay back is a B!%@#. I would
Pay back is a B!%@#. I would go to court for CS. If you are providing 100% support and have your son more then 50% of the time he has to pay CS. It is for the child, think of the sports/activities that your son could be doing if you had even an extra $200 a month.
I have him on CS, he is like
I have him on CS, he is like 38K in arrears I didn't start child support until my son was 12. I won't get my payback until I can unload to everyone the pathetic loser he is!! God my blood is still boiling like I am so angry I want to cry all the time because I should have told him off. I wish I was as immature and as classless as he was!!
Oh dear, be glad you are not
Oh dear, be glad you are not as immature, classless and ignorant as he is. I am sure there were people that laughed off his comments, but most likely several people were made uncomfortable and weren't too keen on what he was saying, but weren't sure how else to react. I know it is extremely hard to do, but I would just shake it off. Have a talk with your son about it. He probably just joined in because he thought that is what 'daddy' would want. And I would definitely take his ass back to court and demand the child support he is supposed to be paying and what he hasn't paid. Garnish that sob's wages, and show him how real adults retaliate
I did talk with my son and
I did talk with my son and then I felt horrible because he realized how bad I felt and he was crying in the bathroom really hard. BS14 was actually looking forward to having us both in the same room, so when I was just laughing it off he didn't think I was upset about it. It was just a bad situation for me. Some of my friends who were there (they are friends with my bf as well) commented on how mean he was talking. I call CS every week and they act annoyed at me, but he has 0 negative consequences. I know it was best for my son but I am just so angry. Reading your guys comments make it better though.
He is a verable abuser and
He is a verable abuser and you should never stoop down to his level. Even if it would have felt good at that moment. You did the right thing in showing you son that it is better to turn the other cheek and not cause drama at some elses party. I would be really concerned that your son thinks it is okay to join in and make stabbing remarks about you, just to please his dad. I would address that with your son. Did you tell your friend about the hurtful things that were being said? Just remember it shows his maturity level. I would in the future refuse to go to parties that you know he will be at. If he is in the arrears 38k I'd hit him where it hurts or let his a** sit in jail. He is a jerk, be glad he is a EX.
SO glad he is an ex!! I spoke
SO glad he is an ex!! I spoke with my BS14 we cleared things up. My BF out of town guests leave this week after that I will have a talk with her. I know she knows I was upset and I didn't want to address anything with her since she had alot on her plate. Thank god for this site and you girls. Venting is what I needed!!
1st you didn't ask for CS
1st you didn't ask for CS until your child was 12? Did bio-dad even know he existed? Was it easier to not ask for CS and then be able to keep the kid away from bio-dad? Just wondering as this seems to be the case for most who don't ask for CS...their way of keeping the kid away from bio-dad.
2nd you don't care what kind of relationship your son has with his father? sounds like #1...ie. I do nothing to foster it, that's his problem although I have custody and can pretty much do as I please
3rd was he lying?
Sorry, I do not mean to say what he did is right, but there are ALWAYS to sides to every story...and it seems you were only offended by what he said about you, but didn't defend yourself? If my DH ever said such things about me, or my ex, I would clearly state "obviously he wasn't all there since I cleaned blah blah blah..." unless of course, what he said was true.
I didn’t ask for CS through
I didn’t ask for CS through the legal system because I didn’t want to deal with the courts and because I have always been more financially stable then he was. I felt no need to ask him for money when I could manage. Also when I did ask for money he wouldn’t come around his son because he didn’t want to deal with me asking for it, so I stopped so that he felt more comfortable coming to see/pick up his son.
What I meant by that is that unlike other BM who like to dictate when a father should see there son, call them, or what they should do if they see each other, I do not do that. If my son sees his dad I do not send a list that says hey your son wants to go fishing so take him (because I am no longer with my ex, I don’t know his schedule so why set up my son for disappointment). I advise my son to speak with his father if he wants to do something in particular. I step to the side and let them have their relationship. As long as he is not smoking, using drugs, or beating my son, I let him be the father he wants to be with my son.
There is no truth to what he said that is why I am upset, because he doesn’t know me like that, to pass judgment on me. What he said was just him throwing things out there to get a reaction, which I didn’t give. I did not defend myself because 1. it’s false, 2. didn’t want my son to see me upset or starting arguments with his dad and 3. I did not want to stress my best friend and her daughter in their day.
Since you have a CS judgement
Since you have a CS judgement against him and he is nearly $48K in arrears it is time to jack his shit in court. And .... time to start sharing the facts of his deadbeat status with the extended family.
Facts are not good or bad they are just facts. And a $38K CS arrearage is a HUGE fact that I would share frequently to bare his toxic ass in public. He is the one who took the gloves off so it is time to smack the crap out of him.
Also, if it has been more than 2yrs (or whatever duration you can file for a CS ammendment in your state is) go for more CS.
Now, you also commented in later responses that you did not want to start an arguement with yoru son's father..... :jawdrop: :? WTF, he is the one who started it and if I were you I would have damned sure bared his ass very publically in response. Publically and immediately.
My wife had a similar philosophy as you when our son (my SS) was younger. She never wanted to hold the SpermIdiot or SpermClan accountable for their actions because she did not want them taking anything out on our son when he was in SpermLand on visitation. They took crap out on SS regardless. So, my wife finally realized that in order to protect the best interests of the kid she had to beat the entire SpermClan with the CO anytime they got nasty. They learned very quickly that we could bring far more pain on them than they could on us and eventually they just pretty much stayed under their rock.
They toned down the crap they layed on the kid but they never entirely stopped. We never denied or prevented visitation but we damned sure did not tolerate the kind of crap your XH just layed on you at the family event.
Now that our son has aged out from under the CO he has very little to do with teh SpermClan. SpemrGrandMa was the major catalyst for the SpermClan drama for our entire 17 year blended family adventure. After SS's final CO'd visitation she has never called him. It has been 19+mos.
So much for truly caring. I would bet that your XH will do the same.
So smack him with the CO and keep his ass bared in public. He will STFU and crawl back under his rock. This will also get your son in contact with the facts of his family situation, the CO and his dad'd deadbeat status. Kids need the information so that they can form their own opinion. If you think that your XH only attacks you at family events you would be wayyyyy wrong IMHO. If he would do what he did in public he is loading your son with toxic and vitriolic bullshit during every visitation.
Nail his ass.
Good luck.