Okay my DH and I are finally getting SD7 for the first time ever in our state until the end of summer. BM is the mayor of Crazy Town, and I am freaking out about what she might do or accuse us of. She has her lawyer on speed dial and we are tired of going to court. I have a million questions running through my head about what would or wouldn’t raise BM’s craziness levels. If you all want to answer a few of the questions I would appreciate it, if not it just feels good for me to write it down. I love this site because I can get both BM and SM insight without anyone ever making me feel like an idiot, thanks to everyone that has helped me so far!

1.) BEDTIME: Should we keep the same bedtime that BM enforces? I guess I should, but 7:30 seems too early to me for an almost 8 year old in the summer time. I was thinking more like 9 or even 9:30, which is what we do on the weekends with her. She won’t have to get up too early because I am taking the next month off from work so that she doesn’t have to go to daycare. BM told SD that she wouldn’t like it here and she would hate a new daycare, so we are sacrificing so that she doesn’t have to go for this summer only.

2.) PHONE: BM has threatened SD with punishment if she doesn’t remember to call her every day. I always make sure she does, even though all she does is guilt SD and make her feel bad. How long should these phone calls last, and should I be allowing a 7 year to go into her room and shut the door when talking to her mom? BM insists on having every call on speakerphone when DH calls for SD, with her constantly giving her input in the back ground while only allowing SD to talk for about a minute each time. He is supposed to be able to talk to her every day, but usually 3 out of his 4 calls a week are ignored. BM expects a phone call every day, no matter what.

I would never invade her privacy like BM does but it doesn’t seem appropriate to me for a child to go into her room and shut the door, but that is what SD7 has told me that her mom instructed her to do. Should I just tell her it’s not okay, or just let it go?

3.) FOOD: BM has been treated for anorexia in the past and doesn’t allow SD to eat any sweets. So of course SD fiends for sweets and asks for them a lot. I always make sure she get proper nourishment, but I have no problem giving her the occasional ice cream or cookie if she wants it. Should I worry about BM freaking out about food, since she’s done it in the past when we gave her Halloween and Easter treats? Shouldn’t each house be allowed to have separate rules?

4.) ALONE TIME WITH DH: I have a trip planned for one of the weekends that she will be here, reservations made long before we knew she was coming. My friend’s father passed recently and she asked me to go away with her to a cabin on a lake to give her time to reflect. She really needs this trip and I also want to give DH some real alone time with his daughter. SD7 has repeated to us several times that BM has asked her if DH has ever touched her inappropriately or if he hits or anything like that. She asks what he wears to sleep in and he if walks around naked, and questions about my sleeping attire and if I take my clothes off in front of her as well. It’s ridiculous, my DH wouldn’t hurt a fly, and he is a very modest man, but she is constantly making false claims about his character to the courts. Again, BM works for CPS and knows how to work the system. Should I just cancel my trip because of the fear that BM might try to falsely accuse DH of doing something wrong if he is alone for extended amounts of time with his daughter? He needs to have time alone to make memories with his daughter; I shouldn’t be there all the time I don’t think.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Like I said, no one has to answer this long post if you don’t feel like it. It just feels good to express my fears like this. I’m not a BM yet, but I love my SD and my nieces and nephew very much and spend a lot of time with them. I just want to do what is right for this child, without letting her lunatic mother control my life.