Need some advice on what to do?...I'm new to all this
Im a stepparent and my husband has custody of his children. The boys (16yrs old) want to have girls over and we allow this and when they come over they run through the house. Go into their bedrooms and when I tell them not to go in the bedroom the girls seem to get made about that. The one older girl has been over our house several times that her parents have dropped her off (almost all summer) and yesterday they dropped her off again and we still haven't met them. I'm not sure I would drop my daughter off at a boy's house that she likes and not meet the parents that I'm dropping her off to. The girls have dinner over and no thanks or anything. So I'm being made to be the bad one here and I'm just the stepparent so I don't know what to do. It seems like my husband says you handle it because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Is it me or what do I need to do to have some control on what goes on? If I check on them I'm the wierd one. But the one girl's parents call me to make sure that I'm home and they are very strict so they ask do you check on them and so forth. Help Am I too protective don't know how to handle all this.
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WTF??
Who is the parent in your house?? They have girls over? Fine! Running through your house and in their bedrooms and when you speak on this they get mad???
So what!! If they don't like it they can go hang out somewhere else. You say the girls parents
are strict?? Maybe that's why they don't stay at their own house because they can't frolick all of the place!
You need to shut it down unless you wanna be a grandma and have your stepson be a teenage Dad!
And no you are not being too protective!
"And this too shall pass..."
You set
the boundaries with all of them--but especially the SK. Tell them that if they want to continue to have friends over, they must follow the rules. SK can tell the girls what is expected. You set the standard of how you get treated. If they do not say "thank you" you don't feed them. Say next time they come and don't say thanks, that you expect you, or do not come next time, or bring your own food next time. Or better yet, get them to cook, and tell them thank you so you set the example.
Oh, and who
cares if you are the bad guy. You are the adult, they are still kids---don't be their friend--that is the worst thing for all of them.
Thanks for the advice. I
Thanks for the advice. I just feel I do all I can do and I'm still the bad guy. I feed them dinner and snacks and so forth and I get no thanks, cya soon nothing. It's like I don't exist. They don't go to the girls' houses, they want to come to our house. Do I meet the girl's parents or just let it go not sure why they haven't introduced themselves. We were outstide one day and they dropped her off and they didn't pull into the driveway or nothing they dropped her off at the front of the house. I had a talk with my stepson after they left and everything I said to him he went back and told the girls becuase I checked his phone. I don't know because my husband and I argue over it and I checked their phones and some texts said stuff about me that I was mean. So my husband got mad that I checked their phone and I shouldn't do that..any advice on that? Am I wrong for looking at their phones?
Set "House Rules"
You're the adult- you set them. Make a clear, cut list. Number them and put them on the fridge. The ones that are important to YOU. And go over them with the kids.
And make sure they know what the CONSEQUENCES are if they violate the rules. (You can set those, too).
And if the kids CHOOSE to break them (and they will- after all, they are teenagers), then YOU will not be the "bad guy"- they will have to live with the CONSEQUENCES of their actions, and they were all clearly informed beforehand.
And since you are concerned about it- I would start with:
*NO CLOSED DOORS when boys/girls are together in bedrooms
And the consequences for breaking said rule: You LOSE your door for ONE WEEK for the first offense! I have done this for my kids when they violate our House Rule of "NO slamming your bedroom doors." And believe me, it works like a charm!
I mean it, too. I PHYSICALLY REMOVE their bedroom doors from their hinges. They hate it, but they KNOW after the first time, that I'm not playing!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Just a question?
Are you afraid of your step sons?? You seem very reluctant or tentative to enforce rules in your house. Again if you are looking to be a step grandma keep letting them girls run a muck in your house.
"And this too shall pass..."