I checked Sd11 phone a few times and NEVER liked what I saw on there. Dh wasn't man enough to do anything about the bullshit she was telling her mother so I stopped looking. My new goal is to worry only about what I am able to control...everything else can be someone elses problem. Things in my immediate control: my actions, my words, and how my son is raised. Things not in my control: sd11's hateful texts about me and my son to her mother, DH unwillingness to treat me as his equal, Sd11's manipulative string pulling, DH inability to operate in an open honest fair fashion...

So these are things I just can't concern myself with . I advise you to stop reading personal stuff simply because you don't need to keep getting your feelings hurt and it isn't your job to police those kids...Policing them is up to the bioparents and whatever monster they create is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to deal with later.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

What made you want to check?
Curiousity?
Bad behavior?

I agree with Bitchbitchbarbie. But also, who pays for the phone? does he pay for his own phone or the parent(s)?

I look at it as my own children. If I pay for my child's phone, I am allowed to look at it at anytime I please. And I would let him/her know this at the time of purchasing the phone, because a phone comes with rules and if those rules are violated, the phone will be taken away. The same way, if DH or myself pay for either SD or BS (in the future) it is a PRIVILEDGE, not a right, so we WILL be allowed to check it whenever we please.

If he has his own job and pays for it himself, it is somewhat different. It also depends on the age, are we talking about an 18 year old? or a 13 year old?

if the BIO-PARENT checks the phone, or asks my opinion about something they saw on the phone. But I will never feel it is my business to check their phone. I would not want my FH checking into my daughter's personal stuff. I do check her MYSPACE page frequently and I never see anything on there to worry about, and unless her behavior does a complete 180 - I hope to leave her phone, computer, diary, whatever - alone. If I suspected anything weird happening with my daughter, I would be checking every nook and cranny of anything that is in my house! Let the BIO-parents worry about their kids.

It's in their nature and part of growing up that children start resenting parental authority and griping about parents/stepparents to their friends. People in general go running off to friends and family to spill whatever latest drama is happening. It might help to avoid sharing anything too personal with the kids because rest assured their little friends will hear all about it. I would say give them as much privacy as is reasonable, and take actions that represent everyone's best interest rather than acting in anger because you essentially eavsdrop on something you'd rather not hear. One can only hope that the right coaching will eventually result in kids growing into adults that understand saying mean things behind someone's back is hurtful...

I pay for the phones, so I check any time I want...I say...lemme see yur phone....and they hand it over...now ...imo...u can't "go off" over the little stuff...bad words, etc for the older ones...its like dorothy said I think...they are entitled to their own feelings, etc...but I have a right to make sure no one is doing anything inappropriate or unacceptable with something I pay for...

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

territory of any kid,,,bio or step....look... yur skids have enough friends, specially if their bioparents aren't doing that great of a job...sure they r gonna hate u....LOL.....but if yur doing yur job right,I think they are supposed to a hate u a little...lots of runaways, crack addicts and prositutes were "friends" with their parents....they need structure....sure its hard, but its the only way...they will thank u later.....

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

just check for any sex, drugs, crime, etc..dont ever let on, dont ever tell anyone, and just watch. But once you tell, let on, they will never ever trust you again

Boss Baby

I work in the field of law enforcement and have teenagers...LOL..therefore, there is no "level of trust" when it comes to something I am legally responsible for,,,cell phone...car...etc...I don"t want to be one of those parents who says on the 5:00 news..."oh I had NO idea"....also,,,in my case...BM took off so really I am the mother figure...I look at the phones any time I want....I would suggest the same to anyone with kids....

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

My bioson is 17 and he actually is very trustworthy. He has worked hard to prove himself trustworthy too. So, unless there were changes in his behavior or I thought there was something really detrimental happening, I wouldn't dare touch his blackberry. I bought it, and I pay the bill for it, however he CAN be trusted and he deserves to be trusted until proven otherwise. SDs are the same... unless I thought there was something dangerous going on, no way would I touch their phones. However, my SDs are also pretty trustworthy kids too.

If it were my bio-child? I think a responsible parent should be periodically checking on text messages, internet sites being visited, reading their myspace, etc. My step child? Eh, I expect the bio parent to do this... if they don't care? Why should I? Unless I'm paying for it maybe.

My SS17 has free reign on the internet and always has. To my knowledge, dad or BM has never monitored this stuff. As long as whatever he does is not visible to my BS, I am not going to make myself responsible for his actions and I'm NOT going to be the bad guy and say NOW he has rules just because I married his dad. But he is much older than BS8 and where it gets sticky is with SS10... they are too close in age to have different rules so it's important that me and DH agree on the rules for those boys.

Remember when you were young (for those in their 40's at least maybe)? For phone conversations, I had to sit at the kitchen table in front of my mom because the cord didn't reach any further. There were NO private conversations at home. It probably kept me out of some trouble. I think if you give a child too much rope... they are more likely to cross a line and do things they shouldn't be doing. Forget 'level of trust'.

The only thing a child should have private is maybe a diary. I can't think of anything else that should be off-limits to a parent. But like I said, in a perfect situation, it should be the bio-parent to take responsibility here (IMO).

but it sure is fun.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton