So DH sent BM an email about modifying the CO. She's always threatening court and mediation everytimg she doesn't get her way so we figured let's just get it out of the way and modified so that she'll shut the h@ll up.

The way it is right now, BM uses it to pull punches such as trying to use her week of priority vacation the week of Christmas if DH didn't just give them to her for Christmas. Unfortunately there is nothing in the CO about the vacation weeks not being used on holidays.

I was hoping that you ladies could help a fellow SM out with some questions that I have.

1.) Is there a way to put anything in the CO about parents not badmouthing the other parent to or infront of the kids? We don't do this to BM but she is constantly doing it to DH.

2.) Can college expenses be written into it? I know that technically it's only until they are 18 but if both parents agree to it and it's put in the CO would it still be legally binding after they hit 18? (If not DH is going to end up paying for all of it.)

3.) Communication between BM and DH. Is there a way to state in what way shape and form that BM is allowed to contact DH (email only unless it's an emergency)? She's pretty hostile and it would be great if it was set in stone as to how her interactions with him take place.

4.) Future expenses such as high school. It's not free anymore. Can any of you ladies tell me how expensive it is now? I have no clue and want to make sure that we try and cover future expenses in the CO modification so that way DH doesn't get screwed having to pay it all.

5.) Any issues that you are now experiencing with the BMs in your lives that you wish would have been put in the CO to avoid it? Any help that you can offer would be greatly appreciated. The BM in our life will find any loop hole, advantage, or anything that we fail to think about now to eff DH over in the future.

6.) Deaths in the family. We want to set it up to where no matter whose week it is if there is someone in the kids family that is dying or a funeral to attend that the kids are able to say goodbye one last time or attend to funeral even if it's out of state. The parent having to give up their time with the kids would receive make up time on a later date. (BM screwed DH over before and wouldn't let him take the kids to see their dying great grandfather one last time before he passed.) If the said event happens during a major holiday such as Christmas and Thanksgiving it will be at the custodial parents discrestion whether or not they are willing to give up the time. Is this possible?

7.) Getting holidays set in stone so that there is no confusion as to who has the kids which years. Parents are allowed to switch holidays as long as it's agreed upon in writing. The written document will contain what holidays are to be swited which years and will be legally binding.

8.) Drop offs. Who's doing what when and where are they being dropped off at.

9.) School activities and projects. Each parent will let the other parent know when the kids are signed up for field trips on their weeks when the permission slip comes home on the other parents week. School projects will be relayed with both parents. Meaning if the assignment comes home on our week but is due on BMs week we will let her know about it and vise versa in advance and not the day before and day of. School general school assigments such as daily reading and anything else will be relayed between parents. (We have had several issues with things coming home on her week and not being relayed to DH. Then BM will jump his a$$ for not doing it at the end of the school year i.e. SS who is in kindergarten was supposed to be reading everyday for 20 minutes. He even had a reading log. We never got the information and the log never showed up with SS during DH's week. BM then preceeded to try and make DH look like a crapy father at the end of the school year this year because he never had SS do his reading. That was the same day that DH found out about it for the first time.) This will all be done with advanced notice and not the day before and the day of. There will be no excueses that one parent thought that the other parent already knew.

School issues with the kids will be relayed between both parents. Meaning that if a teacher emails just one parent about a problem that parent will forward the email to the other parent the day it is received. No parent shall be excluded from conferences with teachers about behavorial issues with the kids or anything else. If a teacher wants to setup a conference and mentions it one parent that parent will need to inform the other parent before any dates and times have been set. (We have had issues with all of this for years now.) This will all be done with advanced notice and not the day before and the day of. There will be no excueses that one parent thought that the other parent already knew.

It will be assumed that when one parent recieves information from school during their custodial week that pertains to the other parents custodial week (special events at school such as graduations or programs that both parents are to attend, school projects, or field trips)or special avents that both parents can attend that falls on their week, that the non-custodial parent (at the time the information is received)did not recieve that information and needs to notified in email. This will all be done with advanced notice and not the day before and the day of.(She has done this to us a lot.)

10.) Extra curricular activities such as sports and after school programs will have to be agreed upon by both parents if both parents are to split the costs in writing which will make it leaglly binding and both parents will be resposible with half the cost.

11.) Things such as piercings, tatoos, and dying of hair (any changes to the childs apperance other than hair cuts)will be agreed upon by both parents in email.

12.) Phone times during the non-custodial parents week shall be between 6:00 to 6:30 pm unless another time has been agreed upon by both parents in writing. If the children are distressed and crying due to the phone contact it will be removed for the rest of the week. This will reduce the non-custodial parents ability to interupt the custodial parents time.(Everytime SD calls BM she ends up crying for 45 minutes and it takes forever to get her calmed down. I can only imagine what BM says to her. Mommy misses you so much and mommy wishes you were home and mommy cries when you go to daddies.)

13.) A parent cannot sign the kids up for events or plan events on the other parents time without written consent from the custodial parent of that week and or weeks.

14.) Any clothes that the children bring from one household to another shall be returned in the same condition it appeared in when the kids arrive back at that parents household. If any clothing is lost and not returned to the home it came from it shall be replaced by the parent that lost it.

These are just a few things that we would like changed and or added to the CO. Any suggestions on what else should be added or answers on whether or not it can be done?