Skids are getting better- relationship with DH getting WORSE???
Anyone else have this happen?
Over the years, all long and suffering 13 of them, the SKids have as a group all gotten progressively easier to deal with. Day to day, we are mostly drama free.
But I have found in the last two years that as all the Skid drama dies down, some really serious issues with my DH have been rearing their head! Issues of feeling excluded, of not being part of the family, feeling second (or third or fourth or fifth!) place, of feeling like I can't voice opinions in my own home about things that affect MY life, and feeling like the eternal "line in the sand" is always drawn between me and THEM.
I recently read Stepmonster, and I identified deeply with it and understand how this all comes into play. What I don't get is the WHY NOW???
Anyone else ever have this happen? The war of the SKids improves only to have DH become the battleground?
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I think Stepmonster brought a
I think Stepmonster brought a lot of it up because I realized SO MUCH of what we went through was either caused by DH or could have been prevented or greatly minimized by DH. And I was asking him to do some of these thing, but he refused and I always sucked it up.
Yes the reality is that as a
Yes the reality is that as a parent you make a decision whether to forget your ego and wants and truly step up and support the step parent. My son was 2 when he met my husband and even at the age of 2, the moment he was disrespectful or tried to pick the gap between us, I dealt with it directly and swiftly. My son will always get this message from me and I am always supportive of my DH and his relationship with my son. My son is five now and he knows for a fact that I will discipline him and do not need "guilty mum" attention or to be his disney mum.
DH on the other hand I secretly believe needed his daughter adulation and mini-wife friendship. I had the guts to discipline a 2 year old rather than coddle him but he did not stick up for me with a 14 year old? Seriously that was not ok and will never be ok.
When the SKIDs improve, you are still left with the fact that this man did not support you at a critical time and the fact that therefore there are some fundamental differences between the two of you. Sad but true.
Wish I could sugar coat it.
Stepmonster is great isn't it? I read that book when I really needed a breakthrough in blended family hell world that I had somehow landed in. She could have been writing about my life. It was so accurate.