So DW went to see her therapist and told her everything that was going with SD22 leaving her kid with her friends. Her therapist said we were correct in that she probably lied about how long she was going to leave her son. For all of this week, DW has been getting up extra early, getting GS3 ready and driving him to SD24's house for daycare. When SD22 was going to leave her kid at her friends', she gave them her welfare cash benefits card and her food stamp card. She gets $400 on each, and she was going to let them use both cards for watching her son.

So SD24 called SD22 and asks when was she going to be able to pay, since all she had to do was just give her $400 a month. SD22 completely went off on her, saying she can't handle all this right now, and she should've just left her kid with friends and hung up on SD24. It's really a stupid situation because SD24 is actually asking for less than she would've paid her friends, plus SD24 normally charges $650 a month per child for daycare, but she's giving SD22 a break. Come to find out that SD22 left both of her benefit cards with her friend, and she also hasn't turned in the paperwork yet to be eligible for the benefits.

Hearing all this, this is what the therapist suggested:

She thinks that SD22 is really suffering from Post Traumatic Stress (because of the death of her infant 18 months ago) and is having a difficult time coping with reality. I think that's partly true, but really SD22 has acted like this for all 5 years I've known her, it's just much worse now. She said we need to sit down and talk with her, and tell her she needs to go to therapy once a week. She said that if she refuses, we are to tell her it's NOT an option as it is a condition of her getting to live here. If she still doesn't go, we will tell her to move out.

She said that as much as we want to, we can't FORCE her to take care of her son. She thinks if we just leave her alone to take care of her son, then something bad will happen to him because SD22 seems to have lost the emotional bond to her son, especially if she's telling everybody she wishes somebody would adopt him. We also can't force her to sign over custody, but we should definitely mention it every now and then. She suggested my wife and I keep taking care of the grandson while he lives with us to make sure his needs are met. If SD22 wants to step up and do things like make him dinner or put him to bed, let her.

She says it is okay to still ask her to pay rent. In the real world, she would have to pay rent anyway so it's not too much to ask. If she flat out refuses to pay rent, we can ask her to move out.

If we ask her to move and she takes the kid with her and drop him off at her friends, there is NOTHING we can do because the kid has permission to be there. Wife has to learn that she can't rescue everybody and she needs to stop trying to control the situation. Therapist also said that when we talk to her about these things (rent, therapy, etc) each topic needs to be a separate conversation, because otherwise SD22 will just get overwhelmed. We also still need to stand firm with an April 1st move out date.

Gotta say, I'm really having a hard time with some of the recommendations because I feel like we are just giving in and SD22 is just getting her way. She hasn't worked since last Thursday, and there's really no reason for GS3 to be at daycare during the day other than it allows SD22 to sleep longer and come and go as she pleases. SD22 is certainly mentally fine when it's time to party with her friends, get drunk, or go get some weed. She only pulls the "I can't do it/deal with it" bullshit when you ask her to take responsibility for something. Guess the therapist is right, you can't make people be responsible, but something has to give here!