DH Gave up on Parenting SD but we have Full Custody
We've had full custody of SD11 for 5 yrs now. SD has major behavioral/hygiene problems. As a pre-teen and Pre-menstrual girl, this is NOT good.
We also have BD4 together. I try consistently to discuss with DH about how best to raise BD4...you know, like most parents do..."DH, I noticed BD4 is talking back lately. Should I ignore it or try to use X discipline?"
HOWEVER, when it comes to SD11, who we've been full time parents to for many many years, when I see a problem/teaching moment----Oh, God help me if I dare tell DH he needs to address it to SD11 and teach her the basics of life! SD11 still refuses to use soap in the bathroom. At any level. For any reason. Takes a shit, flushes toilet, leaves shit on the handle. Takes a shower, untouched soap has been sitting in shower for 4 months. Brushes teeth, leaves toothbrush on counter.
I tell DH it's important to teach SD hygiene (especially at this age) and he burst out in anger, "Oh, I do NOT want to discuss this ALL NIGHT!" Bleh. Do you really think I want to discuss nasty-ass SD all night?? I'd rather drink wine and say let her learn about life the hard way.
That's what I get for trying to help.
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meh, start inviting her
meh, start inviting her friends over and embarrass her in front of them. "Hey, did you remember to wash your hands after you used the bathroom? The soap is dry? You DID wash your hands, right?" and let them tell her she's gross. }:)
Hygiene issues are a symptom
Hygiene issues are a symptom of depression. You should consider finding a therapist. All the yelling at her in the world won't do any good if her issues are due to depression. Embarrassing her also won't work and will drive her into a deeper depression.
Considering her BM has abandoned her, she likely has mental health issues that are the root her her behavior problems.