Question: Can you be a parent and your child's friend at the same time?
Are you a parent or a friend? There is such a fine line between the two that it is often confused. How can someone expect their children to have respect for them as parents when the focus is placed on friendship? Like my fiance for example.
This is the discussion I had with my fiance last night after dinner. He thinks that you CAN be both a parent and a friend I think the opposite or at least I disagree on how HE is doing it. You can be both if done the correct way. I believe Be a parent FIRST and a friend LATER.
His daughter is only nine years of age and he thinks he should start acting like a friend towards her now as will as a parent. More a friend then a parent, he's a push over! lets SD9 whatever she wants just to avoid her from telling him she "hates him and wants to live with mommy" He's afraid of telling her no and when I try to do it he gets upset with Me because I'm being "to aggressive" when he's not be aggressive enough! Hello she's a kid they will tell you they hate you all the time when they will not get their way because they know those words will hurt you. But they don't mean them and at the end they will still love you and ask you to tuck them into bed. SD9 never listens to him, talks back, pretty mush doesn't respect him at all and I don't blame the child because its his fault for being her "friend" instead of a parent. When its just SD9 and I, she is a completely different child. She is sweet, minds her manners, does what she is told and I only have to ask her once to do something. She RESPECTS me because she see's me as a parent figure. (which I cant do alone!!)
I feel sorry for SD9. Kids need parents and want boundaries. When a kid’s parent acts like their friend, they actually lose a parent in the process. Who can they count on to show them healthy limits? Who can they depend on to show them the right way when they’ve done wrong? Who will be there to both forgive and teach when they make a mistake? A parent who acts like a friend isn’t doing any of these things.
I try to talk to him but he doesn't seem to get the point! I tell him Every kid WANTS a friend but Every kids NEEDS a parent.
They can make friends else where at school, church, parks, their shitty BM! for crying out loud!
One fact remains… We should be Parents first and Friends last. There will be a time enough when you can be both and this is something that shouldn't be forced or rushed as kids need their parents above everything.
And shit! DF thinking he should friend his nine yr old daughter now and parent later is just making it harder on himself and most of all ON ME!! After all I AM the STEP Parent! And I myself can only do sooo freaking much! But at the rate DF is going I might have to be the father,mother, and stepmother to SD9 talk about work! its all so very frustrating!
- foxymama87's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I am a friend to my children
I am a friend to my children only up until the point that it interfere's in being their parent, I am a parent first and formost, a friend when possible.
I agree so much with your post ! It's a problem with our society in general.
Both my parents were pretty
Both my parents were pretty good. I was a total daddy's girl, BUT I respected him first and foremost as a parent. I won't say we were ever "friends" because my parents didn't even present that as an option. I am not their equal (peer), therefore we cannot be "friends." But I love them and they are very dear to me, as my parents.
My oldest BD7 tries to be my "friend." I think it's sweet, but I make it clear to her that I am her mother. In fact, my BD7 will tell you "This isn't our house. It's mommy and daddy's house." Yes, they live there and it is their home, but daddy and I OWN it because we pay the bills. The times BD7 tries to be my "friend" is the times she oversteps her role and tries to treat me like an equal. I do not respond well to that.
DH and BM both want to be SD18's "friend." To the point that they act like they are incapable of influencing her actions. DH has been that way forever. In fact, when we married when she was 8, DH admitted SD was a brat but said she was "too old to change." He had allowed her to act like his spouse since he and BM divorced when she was 2. It was more than a "friend" relationship. It was more like husband and wife (but without the sex).
I don't think a parent and child can truly be "friends" until the child has reached independent adulthood.
In a word, NO. It's like
In a word, NO.
It's like being a friend with your boss. Something bad will come of it.
I argue this exact point with
I argue this exact point with my BF all the time. BF and BM are "friends" to SD11 and it is doing her no good. I do not believe parents can be friends or should be friends with their children. Even now at the age of 30 I am not friends with my dad. He is my PARENT and I look to him for guidance and advice when I need it. Not a friendship! I have friends for that. Society is changing and I believe for the worse because, so called parents don't know how to parent or don't want to parent, but they would rather raise a "mini-me" and have a best friend. It is sickening. I have to witness this with SD11 and I hate it. With me she knows her place and that I am not an equal to her and that this is MY house and she can't not run it. For example, I jumped on her for rearranging MY kitchen cabinets. Told her this is not your house to do such things in, you have your room for that!
The friends I had at 9 years
The friends I had at 9 years old are people I no longer know.
I'll always know my parents. Is he going for the long haul, or does he just want to be a wallet?
I don't think you can be a
I don't think you can be a proper parent while being a "friend". Sure I want my child(ren) to feel comfortable talking to me about their feeling, concerns, etc. That doesn't mean that I'm willing to take off my parent hat to do so. As a parent, I try to do what it takes to endure that my child becomes a productive member of society. I'm not willing to look the other way while he self-destructs so I can be a cool parent.
DH and I don't see eye-to-eye on this when it comes to his kid. Because she's not here "as often as he'd like", he doesn't parent her right because he "doesn't want to make her uncomfortable". Ok, let me know how that works out for you in the future, DH. In the meantime,I'm working on being a good mother to our son. Our son who at 13 months says thanks (sometimes), but at three years old, his kid is incapable of greeting me even when prompted to say hello by dad. But hey, she's "just a kid" and at least she's "happy" not having any manners.
Those are the same lines my
Those are the same lines my fiance tells me "shes' just a kid" and "at least she is happy" Damn does it piss me off!!
It pisses me off too but I'm
It pisses me off too but I'm trying to focus on our son. Sometimes I just want to shake DH and say "Are you listening to yourself?" but I've decided not to worry about them anymore. Hopefully he'll get what I was saying when it starts biting him in the ass.
That is precisely the age at
That is precisely the age at which he should NOT be friending her. If you want friends, go to a meetup or a take up a hobby and meet people. If you want to parent, have a kid. PARENT!!
In other words, I agree with you.