BIRTHDAY PARTY OR NO BIRTHDAY PARTY??
SD9's birthday is in 3 months. she wants to do a slumber party at our place. It will be the first time we celebrate her birthday that involve her friends and an actual party. I don't mind putting it together but there's a catch..... }:)
Miss thing has been acting up a lot lately more towards her father then me and I'm just sick of it already. So I'm thinking of canceling it and have her mother do something for HER daughter instead of me having to do it. Which will be slim because BM hates doing anything that requires some work effort.
I already made the invitations my self. Then this idea hit me!! 
Since SD9 wants this party so bad then maybe she is welling to behave to get it?
So I was thinking of printing out an invite stick it on our fridge, show her and tell her if she can behave and not give lip to her father and I then she will have her party but if she keeps it up then its off completely! she can forget about her little girl friends coming over.
I spoke to my fiancee about it and he said it was fine, he thinks its a little harsh because it will be after all her first real b-day party but its okay. I don't seem to think so. I think its a GREAT idea and should be effective.
I need advise? Should I stick with my plan or let SD9 have her party anyway and find some other way to teach her values???
I'm really undecided at the moment??? :? :?
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GO FOR IT! when my SD turned
GO FOR IT! when my SD turned 10 she started in with the attitude about a week before the party, I threatned to cancel it, she started in with the attitude again and I returned a few party favors I had bought and made her go with me and tell the clerk WHY they were being returned. DH was behind me on it too. that straightned her out realy quick! If she keeps up the lip, make HER call her guests and tell them why they cant come over
I think you are being a bit
I think you are being a bit harsh. A B-day party (I think) is to big of a things to hold over her head. Of course she needs discipline, but I would pick something else.
She is only 9 so she will mess up plenty in the coming years and if you hold every big day over her head, then she will never get to do anything. KWIM?
That all sounds better in my mind. lol
I don't think you're being
I don't think you're being too harsh. Her bday can easily be scaled back. I mean, if you've already got one snotty little girl on your hands, why invite a whole slew of others to spend the night?
Slumber parties are quite torturous enough as it is without knowing that the birthday girl can even act decently. All the other girls are going to follow their hostess' cue after all.
i think it's a great idea! i
i think it's a great idea!
i would NEVER allow sd to have a slumber party or any party for that matter at my house, her attitude sucks as it is, i would lose my fucking mind and send everybody home the first time she mouthed off or acted snooty towards me at MY house.
go fm87!!!
I am on YOUR side! SD needs
I am on YOUR side! SD needs to know that there are consequences for her actions. If she behaves, she gets rewarded. If she shows her tail, she gets nothing.
Why does she want it at your
Why does she want it at your house? Can't you say no? Why can't her mom handle this, or is she planning on having two parties, one at her mom's and one with you. I would just say no, even if she was behaving.
yeah, just say NO.....
yeah, just say NO.....
A birthday party 3 months
A birthday party 3 months away? For me that would be to long. You exspect her to just magically be good until then. She's a small person not a puppet. Dont just take away the party for any ole infraction...she's going to mess up...she's human.
BUT if you can use the party as a motivator for better behavior then do so.
If the kid is acting out
If the kid is acting out towards her father, then that's unacceptable. She's been told its wrong and will not be tolerated. If its all spelled out and she does it anyway, then no party. She's almost 9 years old, not 9 months old. Bad behavior shouldn't be rewarded. How many chances do you think she should get to mess up before she is held accountable?
ETA: Just noticed that she's almost 10 years old! Plenty old enough to understand the consequences of her actions, and if isn't capable of controlling herself, then why would OP want to have her and her friends overnight?
3 months at 9 years old is an
3 months at 9 years old is an eternity. She would have to be consistently bad daily to warrant complete removal of the party. If that is the case then by all means NO party. If you are planning to hold it over her head every time she acts like a 9 year old kid and rub it in her face as a threat constantly then no...its not appropriate. It's all in how you go about it. That is why I suggest instead of holding the threat of no party over her head...perhaps she can earn the party with improved behavior.
How is this better? Instead
How is this better? Instead of knowing exactly where she stands (if you do A (disrespectful behavior) then B (no party), she is trying to earn the party; what if she doesn't earn it? What if her behavior doesn't improve enough to earn it? Then she will say, but I did such and such, and there will be an argument of whether or not she did "enough" It's not as clear cut, and more hurtful, I think. Unless you're saying she can "earn" (wink, wink) the party with improved behavior (wink, wink). In other words, theres never really a threat of not having the party.
I'd sit down with the girl
I'd sit down with the girl and let her know how you'd really like to throw the party. But because of the way she's been acting, you're uncomfortable with her and don't like the way she treats you or her dad. Let her know that you're concerned she'll be rude to you both on that special day and you don't want to put in a lot of work to make the party special and don't want to be reduced to tears by her behavior.
Let her know you'll be watching how she treats you and BF. If you feel good that she'll be a great kid the day of the party, and that she and her friends will appreciate all that you'll do, you give her the party. But she must show that's she is capable of caring about your feelings.
Then, sit back and watch her for the next couple of months. If she really wants the party, she'll be decent and try to talk you into it. If she's rude to you, then you know you can forget about having the party.
That'd be a good experience for her to work on improving her social skills with you and BF and the reward, a great birthday party with her being a really appreciative girl.
I like the idea of sticking
I like the idea of sticking the invite on the fridge and tearing a piece off every time shes a brat. If its gone when its time to invite people theres no party.
But I think positive reinforcement will work better. So a pic of a cake that she can cover with stars as she earns them the next three months might be better.
I'm a wimp when it comes to things like this!
I love your idea! and I will
I love your idea! and I will do just that. She is old enough to start treating people with respect and old enough to learn that you just cant get things for the heck of it, that you have to earn them. I know her well enough that she CAN be sweet and respectful especially if she wants something. I know this for a fact because she is usually extra sweet and loveydovey on me when she wants something whether it be a movie, shopping or ice cream. She's all about ME, MYSELF, and I.
If she wants this slumber party as badly as she says she WELL be nice and well behaved for 3 months and I will enjoy every min of everyday.
P.S My fiancee and I are doing the party at our house because her school district is in our side of town which means so are her friends. Plus I enjoy doing shit like this. And her mother would care less, that and I wouldn't want her having a party at her BM's anyway. They live in a bad side of town. bad enough that they wake up to gunshots...so with that said let the fun and disciplining, begin! woohoo!
Good luck! I would have
Good luck! I would have cowered down to the hubby and given her a party with me doing all the work hoping that she'd respect all the work I put in it. This is just the type of things I have done and then felt taken advantage of and unappreciated for afterward. I've spent years of trying to do the right things and I still get treated poorly by my stepkids. We have all teens and adults now and not one of the stepkids seem to give us respect which I must say effects not just me and my husband but my kids too. I wish I was stronger and had a set of expectations me and the hubby agreed upon before we married so everyone knew what was expected. And I wish I made sure not just me but the hubby followed through on set consequences should those expectations be crossed. Good luck, I hope you have better luck with your stepdaughter but most of all I hope the ex is not a total psycho witch with a capital "B".