DH has had primary custody of his children since BM left the home 12yrs ago. The first 5 years he never asked for CS. (After BM left, he found several letters regarding collections, bills unpaid, etc that she led him to believe were taken care of. Yea, he should’ve been more aware, but he trusted her as a SAHM to take care of bills while he earned the income.) Took him 6yrs to recover and have an excellent credit score. Finally, after encouragement from friends and other expenses, he filed for CS. She cried about this, so at the meeting, he agreed to receive less than the state required. Then she filed for primary custody; leaving us w/tons of legal costs. Lawyer told us she didn’t have a chance, but still had to defend ourselves. She did get more summertime visitation which she used as an excuse with DH to get him to pay her back the CS during summer months.  That stopped after three years when someone explained to him that support is spread out into 12 months, not figured out for monthly expenses. She manipulated him to pay even less CS one other time.

Currently, we have one last sk that hasn’t emancipated yet. Unfortunately, with all her tricks to PAS the kids, this one has bought into it. Won’t go into detail, but he’s made our home very stressful at times. Doesn’t like to follow rules (do schoolwork, get decent grades), plays the victim, and in the past when told he couldn’t do something as consequence for not listening, has put holes in walks, threw things, etc. He placed a false abuse report at school that garnered a CPS visit. Thankfully, the older skid told them the truth that he fell on his bike and the scrape on his leg was not from DH. They didn’t buy the ss story, but stopped by the house anyway, took all our names, which was humiliating.  This kid has wanted to live with his mom for quite sometime and she has begged my DH but he’s held his ground. (Considered it in his mind thinking she’d really keep her word to not ask for $, but realized he can’t trust that.)  Would it make our lives more sane and peaceful? Certainly. Can we afford it? That’s scary. Skid has three more years till emancipation (or 5 if she finds (“shops for”) a diagnosis for him..she’s tried in the past but adhd is the only answer a Dr has given).  If we agreed to let him go, it could mean at least $1200/month by estimates. (We don’t know her income bc it hasn’t been calculated due to the agreement they made for set amount years ago.) 

The deal she has offered: let me have this last kid and I won’t ask for CS. Which would be great, but her history of being manipulative and dishonest about finances and manipulative to get what she wants —I don’t trust that after a few months or a school year, that she wouldn’t go against her word. At that point, she’d established residence and getting back a 16yr old would be impossible. 

Right now, DH is in the driver’s seat. She won’t go back to court to get him: 1. She won’t risk losing. 2. We know her husband has some legal problem regarding a prescription drug addiction. 

Is there a way we could accept this deal but still not give up total control? We thought about not changing anything on paper and agree that DH pays back her CS amount instead of having it stopped. Still doesn’t protect us from her going for CS eventually. 

Do we hope for the best and pay out the a** for a peaceful home when she turns on DH? (She has nothing to lose by doing so why wouldn’t she?) The idea of a peaceful home, where I can let my purse sit out, know our possessions will be respected (ss has stolen several times and lies often) is tempting to have, but it would put a significant to severe strain on our finances and set us back financially on goals we hoped to attain in 3-5 years. 

What would your response be to her offer?