SS 16 is so lazy.
My first post. I was looking for somewhere to vent a bit without frustrating my husband further. His son is his child...but the SS has 2 older siblings from his mom. He has been living with us for the past three years. It has been made clear to me that I hold position #2 and the SS is the #1 priority at all times. But it's just 2 more years right?
Guys my SS is so incredibly lazy I am disgusted with him. Lazy to the point where he is just gross. There is a smell I can only identify as rotting feet that comes from his room bc he has athletes foot that he just doesn't take care of. He's had it for months...been to the doctor even...it's not even a bad case...just chronic because he doesn't use the medicine like he is supposed to and doesn't follow the directions to get rid of it. He's 16! I shouldn't have to remind him everyday to take care of his hygiene!
He spends all his time in his room on his Xbox or phone. When he does his chores he only does them half-assed and has to be told to redo things...every day! He only feeds/waters his dogs and takes out the trash...nothing that requires a lot of effort even. But he will put something in the can...see that it is full and still not take it out until someone tells him too. He and his dad argue about this sort of thing a lot. This morning he actually took it out without being told and came in to brag to his dad about it. Really? You do it one time in three years and you want a pat on the back?
He never does anything without being asked and expects his dad to pay for whatever he wants...which usually happens. I'm super frustrated living with a lazy, spoiled brat. I try to overlook most of this because maybe I just have two years of it left right? But this kid is so lazy I can feel the fear setting into me that he will never ever move out...and I don't think my husband with force him to launch into his own life.
I taught him how to do his own laundry. This is an ongoing war. He still tries to sneak his stuff into the laundry room if he thinks I will throw it in and not notice. I work 60+ hours a week as a chef. I am used to people doing what I say...when I say it. Being blown off in my own house has been incredibly frustrating.
He won't learn to cook anything...ANYTHING!!! If he is left home alone all he will literally eat are things he can open and stuff into his mouth...chips, yogurt and cereal. That's it.
He is learning to drive finally. He has held a permit for over a year but could not be motivated to learn driving until after he was already of age to hold a license.
His dad found texts in his phone about wanting to have sex with some girl he knows..all I can think of is he will probably be too lazy to put on a damn condom.
My husband gets on to him for all of this...but it's just a repeated argument and no consequences or change in the pattern.
Wow...I know that was a lot...I even have more. Just tired of this. This is not how I parent. My kids are in this early 20s and both responsible motivated people. I just don't know how to fix the laziness that has been allowed to go on for so long.
- flowersncandies's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Totally understand this! My
Totally understand this! My SS17 has a similar song going in my head, "One more year! One more year!" but he will be ill-prepared to launch as his laziness is epic & priorities involve mainly instant gratification over handling business.
Read this site & find the Disconnection section. I've just begun the disconnection this year & it's helping my sanity. I cannot change SS, only stay consistant. Different story for me though because DH makes clear to all that I am priority #1 and has made huge recovery from being Disney Dad since he got custody 4+ years ago.
Wow. I read a bunch of those
Wow. I read a bunch of those posts and then googled disengagement. Sounds like that is exactly what I need to do. Starting with teaching him how to drive. I paid for both my daughters to have private driving lessons because it is terrifying. My husband has refused to pay for drivers ed..let alone private lessons (only 50 bucks more and they get more drive time and attention). So now I am teaching him as I let him drive me to school in the mornings and then I take his car back home and get mine to go to work. He has smart ass comments every morning. H diesn appreciate it and I never wanted to do it in the first place. I'm going to have to get my speech ready.
I worry about my husband being upset with me though. We get along really well except for when it comes to my SS.
bad news ladies..... they do
bad news ladies..... they do not move out when they are 18 - we have posters here with adult boys who still lives with Daddy or in daddy's wallet..
so prepare for that, if your 16/17 year old SS can not do a thing he's not going anywhere after school, heck he's not even going to get a job and will be in your house till he's 25-50.
Now the disengagement thing, remember this is not your kid and not your problem, start working on how to get him out age 19, either to a dorm at college or own flat and working full time. You might be able to change the future..
1. Xbox needs internet, change the pass word and kid will have no excess to internet, he can only get the password once he's done all his chores and showered.
2. stop buying snacks and junk food, leave fruit and yogurt.. so what if he doe snot cook, not your problem.
3. If he sneaks his dirty laundry in with yours, simply put it aside and say nothing, it was made clear, he has to do his own.. why have an issue with this, simply take it out and only do yours, his can be in a basket in the laundry room, who cares
4. Not doing hiss chores, again why is this bothering you, if it's not done turn to your husband and say - Hon I'm busy please take out the trash, water the dogs.. and leave it at that, either your husband does it or get Mr Lazy to do it.
5. Kid is 16 and wants to have sex, laugh and start calling your husband Grandpa... or simply tell the kid no girl will touch that cause you stink man..
yes he's 16 he's old enough to hear he stinks....
6. Skid and DH argues and starts screaming at each other, simply walk away, say nothing, it has nothing to do with you and if your husband talks to you about it later, smile, nod, say mmmmm and change the subject.
7. Skid refusing to learn to drive, I do not see the issue, it's money saver, he can walk or make use of public transport.
This kid is 16/17 - his parents made him the way he is, they allowed his bad behavior for 16 years, you are not going to change it, simply ignore it and start working on DH to ensure skid moves out age 19 - with full time employment or college enrollment. Once skid decides Dad's house is up to shit and moves in with his BM... clap your hands and make it very very clear, once BM can't handle you anymore, you will not be allowed to come back living here, cause they will jump between houses every 4-5 months... Once you decide to move out you will stay out, regardless your age, I only teach kids you live with your decisions and there's always consequences to nad decisions, but you still deal with it and live with it...
I think my only hope is the
I think my only hope is the military. He is just as lazy with his school work. No way this guy will go to college.