You are here

Second time in less than 2 weeks

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 6:56pm

Last night was the 2nd time in less than 2 weeks that I've been called by BM's name. This time, it was by my FMIL. My fiance and his son were trying on their suits for the wedding and we were all sitting around admiring how great they looked and I started helping fiance tie his tie and she said, "Oh JXXXX, are you trying to help him tie his tie?".

I realize that it slipped out and that I'm probably being way too sensitive about it but it happens SO MUCH that I don't know how to be any way other than sensitive.

She has had over 4 years to stop using that name. It shouldn't still be a habit even if they were married for 11 years.

I've tried to tell myself that she is just looking at me and sees me as his wife and that's how it slipped out but then I get even madder because she is obviously still seeing JXXXX as his wife if that's the name that slipped out!

It makes me feel like I don't belong with him (in everyone else's eyes) and I will never have the place as his wife.

I can't stand it anymore. I want it to stop. I know some of you out there can take it but I can't. I'm way too sensitive to handle that. I don't want to feel second to her. I don't want to feel like she will always belong to him and he to her and I'm just a "fill in". I FUCKING HATE IT!!!!!!

I have honestly considered calling the whole thing off because I don't want to continue to live in fear of who is going to say it next.

Oh....there was absolutely NO apology or acknowledgement.

Comments

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 7:23pm

I'm sorry it happens to you. As long as FDH doesn't do it, though, try not to worry too much about it.

No acknowledgement is a bit rude though. Next time maybe remind her that she said the wrong name?

My mil has called me BM's name a couple times, but luckily she realizes it and acts mortified and apologizes. I blow it off. MIL hates BM and they've been divorced 10 years and it still happens on occasion. It is what it is.

DH has never called me the wrong name thank goodness. I don't think he's ever said BM's name in my presence ever. It's always "The Ex-Wife".

monet30's picture

Submitted by monet30 on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 8:01pm

Step mothers, sd loves to bring bm up all the time, but yet she hates her Mom also.

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Mon, 05/30/2011 - 7:34pm

FDH has never made that mistake, thank goodness.

I really don't understand why no one has EVER apologized to me for it. It's happened so many times but all different people and I've NEVER been offered an apology! I try to respond graciously to try to reduce the inevitable uncomfortableness but it would be nice for someone to recognize that I've been offended.

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 10:21am

I guess the real question here is WHY does this bother me so much? If someone called me any other name, I wouldn't be offended. It's the fact that it's BM's name that bothers me so much. Why noone apologizes is beyond me. My ex-husband called my new SIL "Kim" when her name is "Lisa". Kim was the girlfriend before Lisa. I immediately started apologizing FOR HIM because I felt so horrible about it.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 6:04am

Is she divorced by any chance? is her husband divorced? sigh...I went through this...idiot MIL used to always come up with "oh, I think such and such is upset with me because I called her blah..." I finally told my husband..."NEXT TIME she calls me by crazy's name, please be advised I will start calling YOUR STEPFATHER by YOUR BIO-DAD's name! so let your mom know, maybe that will get her to stop..." GUESS WHAT? It stopped! And ever since then I have told my husband, if she ever mentions your crazy ex, or your sister or any of them, I will begin to mention your father...I tell you, some people you have to stand up to or they will play the victim, like it just slipped...funny how when you tell them that you'll be calling their husband by their ex's name they no longer slip up! }:)

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 10:13am

No, neither of them are divorced. I wish I had that as a threat to use.

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 10:16am

I'm afraid that this approach would come across as being disrespectful because I don't think I can say that without sounding like the biggest bitch in the world.

floridagirlal's picture

Submitted by floridagirlal on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 10:31am

What's really funny is that I actually CARE about sounding like a bitch to her. I'm sure that if it keeps happening I will not care if I sound like a bitch or not!

MJL2010's picture

Submitted by MJL2010 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:35am

My name, BM's name, and DD's name are all very similar. Oh, and our one dog's name has the first syllable of my name. So....I frequently call DD, BM's name.....DH has called me BM's name (but never in bed!!!), and you'll laugh at this one- BM, when speaking with SSs6 about me, frequently calls me by the dog's name. They think this is quite funny and always tell me about it. She, of course, pretends it's just a slip-up but WE, Steptalkers, know it's not!!!! I can see her doing a big, dramatic, hand-slapping-against-her-head "Oops!"...LOL......

Hang in there. I like someone's suggestion that you pick a name for MIL that you could call her the next time she does it. It may be a way to bring levity to the sitch (if, of course, you have already asked her to be more careful about it and she hasn't followed through) and it will absolutely make you feel better, so pick a really good funny name that will make you smile when you say it- Telemungus?