It's My Blog Hog Day...Bear With Me
Sorry to be writing so many entries within minutes of each other. I don't mean to take away from anyone elses blogs! But I just read another post about having kids with the SO. I never was a 'kid' person and never wanted any children. Until I married DH. Now I think I want a child of my own. Our own. But theres something stopping me. SD. I'm afraid that if DH and I have a baby, DH will still dote on SD and push aside the baby. I am afraid we won't have the money to care for both children adequately. I'm afraid SD will harm the baby. SD has a baby brother at BM's (born in Aug 09) and she loves him to death. But when DH and I brought up the baby issue, she said if we had a baby she would hate it. SD then went on to tell me I couldn't have a baby because I don't know how to be a mommy. (SD says hurtful things, although sometimes I don't think she means to). So after worrying about whether or not to have a baby, I finally decided that I will not. I don't want to bring a child into this situation with SD. I don't want to have a babe just for SD to hurt him/her. I don't want DH to ignore our child because he still feels guilty about SD. I won't do it. Anyone else have these feelings/problems? How did you address it with your DH?
I'm just having a day in the dumps, so my posts may be a little blah and sad. Sorry!
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Comments
Oh Fading what a hurtful and
Oh Fading what a hurtful and extremely unappreciative thing for your SD to say. Do not let that child determine if you have a child of your own. You cannot compare your feelings about your SD to the feelings you will potentially have for you own child. She sounds very unpleasant to be around and I don't blame you for it being a challenge to have motherly feelings toward her. Don't allow her to plant seeds of doubt in your mind about your skills as a mother. I know there are people here that disagree with bringing a child into a blended family before all the kinks are worked out, but having a child of your own with the man you love is too important a dream to give up. If your SD is accustomed to her father's guilt parenting, she is not going to want to share the spotlight with a new baby. That doesn't mean it should get to be born. I used to be very concerned about how badly my SS would act out if he had to share attention on a regular basis, and told DH as much. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there. Either way, my having a SS will not be preventing me from working towards making my dreams of having a baby come true. If you want to have a baby, I don't think your SD should be the deciding factor. That's not fair to you, the baby, or to your husband who will likely fall in love with him/her.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."
Fading, NEVER allow a child
Fading, NEVER allow a child to dictate your life. Dont live in fear of what they say and if they do something, then they will pay for it dearly!
If you want a child with your dh, then have one. If sd says she hates it, fine, get out and live iwth mommy instead. Simple.
There is no point in stayin gwith the man you are with now if you fear having a futur with him because of his daughter and if you fear that he will love his daugther more than another child of his. He will love his child and you will be there to make sure he treats them equally.
I'm sorry you are having a day in the dumps, but drag yourself out of it. Have a nice looooong talk with dear ole sd and tell her in her face that what she said was unkind. Your mommy didn't know how to be one until she had you. That goes for everyone here AND if she says she is going to hate the baby, then she better learn to live with it.
What on earth did your dh say when sd utter those words? Did you say anything to her at the time. If my sd said those words i would have told her off in an instant. And i would have a BIG roe with my dh about the filth that spewed from her mouth. Sorry....just gets me so angry to hear that you have given up on having a child just because this stupid little girl..yes i'm calling her stupid because anyone who says such hurtful things is stupid. And your the doubt in dh is puzzling. you honestly believe he would take his daughter over your child? You'ld be suprised ....give him a chance.
When she made the comment
When she made the comment both I and DH immediately lashed at her and had a nice long talk. And she knows it hurt me. I love my DH to death but his daddy-goggles have long impared his sight on many things. So I am afraid that if we would have a child, SD would still get all daddy's attention and the baby would be an after-thought. There are times I have compared her to Damon from The Omen. }:) There are several other things this child has said and done that makes me hesitate bringing a baby into this. If we were to have a babe, SD would NOT be allowed to be alone with the child even for a millisecond.
~*Fading*~
"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison
I constantly worry. Will Dh
I constantly worry. Will Dh be a good dad? Will Sds try to hurt my kid. How would they act towards me and my kid. I decided to just wait at least a year maybe 2. That way by the time my kid is born sds will be 17 and 13. At least by the time my kid is old enough to understand anything both of them will be out of the house and their attitudes or actions wont matter. Then more free money should be available too.