Ugh, sorry! She sounds like a monster. How often is she with you guys?

Hey Fading, know you're in a tough place right now with a brat who is probably going to be be a borederline psycho BM in the future (I'd warn whatever boy she's interested in that they shouldn't ever stick their d*** in crazy. Which is her to a T.) I have wanted to leave multiple times because I am also not one to make a man choose--I'd rather make the choice for him, and it would be one he probably wouldn't like. My DH would walk to the end of the world to find a way to get the child out of our home if that was the case, because he knows I am not unreasonable, and that I am too kind to hurt a kid, even if that kid tries to hurt me. He always wants to beat up kids who torture small animals (and have gotten into fights with people who taunt and hurt animals in his presence) so to him, age or blood does not matter.

Talk to your DH about it, many times the man KNOWS what he should do, but wants you to make the decision on it so he doesn't have to take responsibility in his heart for kicking their child out of their home. His protection of you, your belongings, and your health and well being should be his priority. Seven years old is not THAT young, although some people might think so. Developing the ability to differentiate between right from wrong is something that occurs at a much younger age, however, not caring is a habit that can become a disorder if not addressed properly.

Human beings are social animals, which means that we usually have it built into our genomes to feel guilt or shame when we hurt or do something that upsets another member of our social group. Some people never develop it, and as many as 1/20 people may be undiagnosed sociopaths (The Sociopath Next Door is a good read). Your SD just has not perfected her skill in lying and manipulation due to her age, but through trial and error, she will soon be a natural at it. This scares me.

Lock your doors, and play the game in a different way. She probably gets joy from upsetting the balance, but take away her power with as much nonchalance as you can, and even she may begrudgingly accept that you are in control. She will probably never love you, but at least she will respect and fear you. She does that to your food? I'd say, Oh, I wonder who did this? That's pretty disgusting, people don't like those who do this to other people's things and won't be nice to them. Oh well, I have another peach. I feel bad for whoever did this, because they OBVIOUSLY will have a har dlife, because people won't help them.

If you really want to get to her, realize someone with her symotoms (because children that young can't be diagnosed) operate on very predictable motives, and if you play with those motives, then you'll have the upper hand.

I can't help but think about how I train my dogs--if one of them does something I don't like, I will ignore them and remind them of what they did over and over again until it's habit. You can't change the foundation of her behavior all at once, but you can change the individual stuff. She tookyour things, both you and DH can ignore her for a day, and every time she tries to talk to you two, both of you can say "I'm sorry but you shouldn't have taken Fadings things, I am upset with you and will not talk or play with you until dinner time." Then walk away. Over and over and over again. At dinner time, when she tries to talk to you or your DH, say "Okay, we are talking to you because we said we would. But if you take Fadings things again, the punishment will be even greater next time." IHer behavior will have to become habit. Pick one a month you'd like to change and drill it out of her.

Of course, what really worked sometimes when all else failed (like shoe chewing) was when they'd do something very minor, I'd look at the thing (shoe) and pretend to FLIP out, scream, rave, rant, just went all out crazy (never touching them or yellign AT them) until they were so freaked out they just wanted me to stop. Yeah, your SD will probably cry, but you can calm down all of a sudden which makes the impression stronger. If it scares dogs to the point where they won't do it again, it might stop your SD too. I say this because you need to be unpredictable when dealing with a child who plays on patterns of behavior. Take away the ability to predict what you will do, and she may not want to take the risk. With the lip glodd thing, I would have smeared it on her pencil case, or other things she liked, and when she gets upset, let her know the lip gloss only did it because Fadings things doesn't like to be touched by anyone other than fading, and that they definitely don't like to be taken away from its place in fadings room.

Anyway, I hope you feel better. Some people might find these strange and unusual forms of psychological punishment, but if nothing works on a child that feels no guilt, and it is imperative this child develops at lease nomrally behavior wise, I'd try it.

Here is what you do, fill up your lip gloss with some Vicks and leave it out for her next time. }:)

JK She is trying to assert herself, as the Alpha female. Think of her as a dog.

Does she have a diagnosis?

I feel so badly for you. I was not around when my DH's (23) daughter was younger, but from what I have been told, she was a lot like your SD. She is also not very intelligent (probably a little above where you SD would be), but when it comes to manipulation and lying, she is an expert. The thing that scares me is that she has no concern for anyone. She knows the things she does are wrong, but she believes she has a right to do whatever she pleases.

The cognitive level could be low, but they are still able to do the things you described. Some may be aware they are doing the wrong things, others may really not. I have worked with a lot of kids with cognitive issues and behavioral disorders. The difference I saw in most of them was that when they did something bad, they KNEW it. They would tell me directly they did wrong. However, there were some, I do not think they really grasped what they did was wrong. I worked with a teen girl last year who was always in trouble in school. Every day. No amount of detentions or suspensions would deter her. People argued that she was just acting out, but there was something else going on (I suspected brain damage from birth that has never been addressed). It can be so hard to tell sometimes.

I believe my DH's daughter, as well as his 2 sons have Attachment Disorder. There is something wrong, and this seems to fit, especially when you factor in BM. Now, my DH is very intelligent, affectionate, and kind. The whole thing with his kids is just odd-lack of compassion and love. I won't be around them now.

DH's daughter is the worst. She is VERY angry, and blames the world for her problems. Rules do not apply to her, and she has no ethics or morals that I can see. Neither do his sons. His daughter used to do something that I cannot even bring myself to write, because it makes me want to vomit. Suffice it to say, she has no concern for DH or most other people. Her only concern is money and food (she is very very overweight).

Last week, she wrote on her Facebook that she wishes she could lock up everyone she hates in a house in the middle of nowhere, set it on fire, and watch and listen as they burned and begged for their lives. This is not the first time she has written something so vile.

The only friends she has are addicts and/or people who have been in jail. She only works pt, refuses to work ft, and is constantly wanting money. I was just writing about how she is using the local emergency room as her personal doctor's office, bc she has no insurance. There is nothing ever wrong with her, but she likes the drama of going. Always drama.

I do not know if your SD can be helped, but this will continue to take a toll on you, as it already is. You are NOT wrong to feel the way you do. People who have not been through this do not understand. They see a small child and cannot imagine that child being capable of what YOU KNOW she is capable of.

You have to take care of yourself. This is not going to work long-term. I don't have an easy answer for you, but please be good to yourself. I know that as much as I love my DH, if I had met him when the skids were young, I would have ran. You love your DH, but this may be too much for you, unless she can get some kind of intensive help (if possible).

Wow I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a monster! And she's only 7! I can't imagine what she's going to grow up to be.

Can you block her access to your things? Put an outside lock on your bedroom door so she can't get in your makeup cabinet? That's what I had to do! And the food issue, I had the same problem with my SD. I had to LABEL things as hers otherwise she'd eat us out of house and home!!! If it didn't have her name on it, she was not welcome to it at all, period.

I do wish you luck but I can't honestly see anything getting any better with her.