So I've been lurking for the last few months but decided to "out" myself if you will. I have 3 kids BS15 BS12 and BD9 all same dad. Not to go into to much detail but I was married for 13yrs to a not so nice person. So I made the same mistakes I think quite a few people have..I tried to make up for all the bs they saw by..well..being more friend than a mom especially with my oldest who was 11 when his dad and I divorced.

Fast forward 4 years and I met my amazing SO. He has no children of his own nor did he want any. He fell in love with me anyway and tried his damnest to fit into this family. The oldest already had a lot of issues when we got to together. My SO tried to be a good role model and took this kid under his wing only to be shit on by this kid. He was loving and sweet when he wanted but had no problem telling my SO to go suck it when he didn't get his way. He moved in with us for 8 months and it was hell on him. It involved a pregnancy, an adoption, cops, more calls from the cops to pick the kid up, and physical violence against me. The cherry on top is the other two decided if their brother could get away with stuff why couldn't they. Made for quite the miserable home environment. We went from a scale of 10 with the tension to maybe a 7 and I could not grasp why he was not seeing the improvement. In my eyes it was better..ah but 20 20 is hindsight.

We hit a point where after reading here I can see that he "disengaged". It annoyed me so bad and he would get irritated over little things and this that and the other. But I love this man so I did an internet search on stepparents to try to find something to help me understand his side and where he was coming from. And that's how I found this site.

Since I've found this site my eyes have opened up a lot. Honestly a small few of you scare the beejes outta me but for the most part hearing the open and honest issues especially the ones you have with your partners has saved our relationship. I realized that so many "big" things had happened that it builds up that even the small things are like nails on a chalk board. I can own my own shit thanks to my SO that I wasn't being a parent. Yes I was trying to be MOTY but not with bad intentions, I just went about it all wrong.

My SO has since moved out, although we are still very committed to each other. Thank god for this site. He approached me about moving out so he could get his sanity back. He did tell me that if it would mean the end of our relationship he would stay and try to make it work. I'd already been reading here and knew he was at a point "this" wasn't working at this time and that if he stayed we would hit a point that as much as he loved me he would have to leave all together. It's hard and I miss him when he's not here but our relationship is stronger than ever.

Sorry this longer than I thought it would be. So I'm not a stepparent but this site has helped me a lot and helped open my eyes. Oldest is now living with his dad..not because of my SO..he stole my truck and drove it up in a canyon that required middle of the night calls to go get his dumbass and my truck. Bless SO's heart he simply said "I hate to tell you I told you so but.." and he was right