Because so many new things get posted, and because it takes me a full day or two to get privacy on the computer to answer questions posted to my blogs...this is a new blog for questions asked about my last entry.

I wrote the library, asking that they take away internet privleges (sp?), and thay have revoked everything she once had. BUT, she was also doing this in class! So i wrote every teacher...and they responded with a resounding "Oh NO she didn't! Not in MY CLASS! No more internet for her." The library staff, btw, had been suspicious of her computer usage and had begun "spying" just in case. I was glad to know that with 4,000 students they could still watch out for my kiddo.

So I guess that's something? *shrug*

And yes, she does claim she's still a virgin. I hope, so so so hope, that this is true. Not for me, mind you, but for HER. A side note here (and not to get too personal) is that my first sexual encounter...ugh, that makes it sound nicer than it was....was rape. I hate talking about it, and I rarely admit it. But in this instance, I find it incredibly important that my own child get to chose who she gives herself to since I could not. Ya know? I don't wish to talk about that anymore, by the way. Please?

At any rate, this internet stuff is still upsetting in more ways than I can count. I mean...I have to be honest here! She isn't a virgin because she has tried to be. She has tossed words, images, OFFERS around more than 90% of grown-ass women that I know. I think it might be a matter of "no one has accepted". This isn't me being a bitch, either. What I am saying has been backed up and proven, then RE-PROVEN, by SD herself. Obviously, I don't get the lack of...SOMETHING...in her life to make her so damned needy, but there it is, ya know?

We've caught her having phone sex with a (READY?!) 47 year old man. She'd been doing this for days, though, with several men of all ages. Her dad was at work, I was at my apartment (her dad and I were separated at the time..I wonder why). When her dad and I were here..in the same house (and I am a stay-at-home mom), she would get on the net to watch youtube vids of "LOL CATS" (she said) but minutes later (if I left the room to use the bathroom, NO LIE) would be in a chat with a random man talking about sex. She would admit, when caught, that she didn't know him, had just met him, but hey..."whatever!" (quote from SD)

She admitted 3 weeks ago to smoking with friends.
She's been caught having sex (NAKED, btw) with a female school-mate in the bathroom AT SCHOOL. (if she prefers girls, I don't care, BUT IN PUBLIC?!)
She won't brush her teeth, or hair, or wash properly in the shower.
She argues with EVERYTHING (eat your dinner, time for homework, please SHOWER, you should wear your glasses, etc. whilst crying and screaming about life not being fair because my sons are popular in school (wtf?) (all these at the same time...and this goes on weekly). I am serious.
Had to have braces removed due to REFUSAL TO CLEAN HER TEETH WHILE THEY WERE ON. Not lying, but wish I were. The ortho has never seen anything like it.
Mentral cycles mean blood on everything from the bathroom floor to the toilet seat EVERY MONTH, and every month we call her on it and make her clean it up...her reason it "I forgot to look" or "I thought I did look. But if you say I didn't I must not have". Um, she's the only girl in THE FRONT BATHROOM, SO OMG, what the hell? The boys did that? MY SONS MENSTRATE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

She's had a counselor for YEARS AND YEARS (2 different ones because she said the first wasn't effective). She also sees a shrink. I am here all the time, her dad works 8-4 M-F. We have family game nights. YES WE ARE THAT CHEESY!!! (lol)

My SD is, for lack of a better word, FUCKED.

I've known her since birth. BIRTH. Liertally, too, because me and my mom drove now DH and her BM to the hospital for the c-section. I was her G*dmother. I am not new, and was never a NEW element. Her DH and I never had a "new kid" of "our" own and neglected her.

WTF, Y'ALL?

This isn't even everything. This crap I've written is NOTHING compared to our life from day-to-day.

By the way, she is GOING BLIND from refusing to wear her glasses for years....but she doesn't want to "look ugly". She gets new ones, stronger ones, and won't wear them...even loses them!

What can I do with that? Or any of this?

I send her to school, she tries to get laid. I keep her here? Tries to get laid, or tortures her family, or kills animals, or fights over taking a shower because "I had one 2 days ago". She hates my ass, hates my sons, thinks her dad sucks beyond suck lately while still trying to kiss his ass, which is weird (and to be honest, he is MORE ON HER SIDE THAN HE SHOULD BE).

She is never going to live on her own, girls and guys. Never. And I can't let this be my life.
Her dad has stopped giving a shit over the past 2 months. Not because he sucks, either. But because she's beaten his will out of him. You can see it. I've seen it. His...I dunno...his SPIRIT about her, his belief? It's just gone. I think she killed it. And it's killing him.

Isn't that sad? I mean, there's nothing to be done. Just post here to release the shit she shovels on us and hope I can feel better or hear someone reach out to HEAR ME AND FEEL ME somewhow.

I was alone until this site. And I was glad to have you girls/guys here for me. But now her dad is joining me here at the house. And you know what? It's not a "win" to have him understand. Because he was so, so, so into kissing her ass that I sometimes thought "at least someone is on her side". I mean, I hated it, SERIOUSLY HATED IT, but damn, at least someone loved her wellness, her illness, her sickness. Right?

But now he's with me. And somehow that tells me nothing but BAD. She is really, really, actually, SCREWED. And no matter how we've loved her, taught her, held her, grounded her, rewarded her, limited her.....it matters not.

And where is she gonna go if she's dangerous? Or Sick...and I mean real SICK. No one is here to help us or take her on or show us a better way. It's just us...and her, and if she can't be helped? We are so incredibly screwed, folks.

I don't want her here to endanger us with her telling random men where we live (yes, she's done that). But there is no other place. And she hurting her future so much that she may not be able to ever come home again. She is freaking us all out.

I am scared. I'm scared for us, big time. I am scared for her TONS. "But she's still a virgin". Oy.

DH will not be able to handle what she is bringing onto herself. I won't be able to handle it. And this is our life.

THIS IS A REALITY SHOW WORTH PUTTING ON. *sad chuckle* Screw "The Hills". Screw "Nanny 911". Send us something, someone, angels, or freedom.

I want off this ride. *sigh* Best to all of you.....--Empty (excuse the typos, plz. Didn't proof-read)