WTF?!?
Ready for this?
My ss12 is in Grade 7. I made plans this afternoon to see someone I don't get to see often at all seeing as this person is from out of town. This afternoon was the only time they were available so I took it.
Well last night I mention it to my DH and it became such a big ordeal.
He wanted someone home to unlock the door for SS (he has a key at his disposal, he's just not sure how to unlock the door....in spite of his practicing with my DH). Yes, he's 12 and still not able to unlock a door. Then my DH proceeds to tell me that he'd be home about 15-20mins after SS got home but SS didn't want to be home alone.
I was in awe.
It gets better though..
I argue with DH telling him how ridiculous it is that I have to cancel my plans because his son, who is in high school, can't unlock a door by himself and stay alone for a few mins.
Well finally my DH tells me that his son was going to come home and unlock the door on his own and that he was going to call my DH and stay on the phone with him the entire time until he got home.
Sounds ridiculous, I know but I was just happy I got to keep my plans. This was last night.
This morning after DH left, SS tells me that BM is going to pick him up at the bus stop, help him unlock the door at my place and wait with SS in MY effin' home until "daddy" got home.
I was both floored and livid. I said absolutely nothing to SS and off to school he went.
I immediately call my DH and ask him if he spoke to BM. He all non-chalantely said yes that she was going to come over to help SS unlock the door. I absolutely lost my s*it.
Am I insane to think this is way beyond the realm of ridiculousness? Please ladies, enlighten me.
P.S. I ended up cancelling my plans because there was NO WAY i was going to let BM hang out in my home until DH got home. I am such a private person and value my privacy more than anything.
I am truly livid about this whole ordeal. You have no idea just how much.
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Comments
Wow! Does he have a
Wow! Does he have a developmental delay or mental disability? What is the reason he can't unlock a door on his own?
I knew I'd get asked this
I knew I'd get asked this question. No he has no mental disability whatsoever. He has been babied his entire exitence by BOTH parents.
That's what the problem is.
Wait until you see the adult
Wait until you see the adult this boy becomes--of which these parents artistically molded.
I was reading this and was
I was reading this and was going to ask the same thing. If he has no major fears or developmentally disabled issues then these parents have fn issues and turned him into such a dependent kid that is ruining his life! Sorry but that is crazy!
Your DH knew that having BM
Your DH knew that having BM do this would get you to cancel your plans and give him what he wants. Sounds like a manipulative ass.
Not even touching the 12 year old that can't handle turning a key in a lock...
Actually I don't think so at
Actually I don't think so at all. I think he thought I wouldn't find out about it. Remember, it was SS that told me in passing right before he left for school. DH was long gone for work by then. I contacted DH about it right afterr SS left this morning.
Not even touching the 12 year
Not even touching the 12 year old that can't handle turning a key in a lock...
My son, is the same age and has the same issue. Drives me up the wall. He does not get babied, we make him learn activities of daily living and it is such a friggen battle. My grandmother actually offered to take him and thinks we abuse him cause we would make him get off his lazy butt and do things his 6 year old sister easily did....clean up after yourself, wash properly, put your own dishes away, etc. It is a daily battle with him. I can't wait for him to turn 18. My grandmother has him now, less than 2 months in and my grand father has had to get on him a few times (none of us grand kids EVER pushed my grandparents to that point). He has already told my grand mother he doesn't care if he is punished from computer games, that is one less thing to hold over his head. Yep, less than 2 months in, he is expected to do almost nothing and he is already starting his nonsense. Can't wait to see what the rest of the school year brings (he was suspended 9 times last year but somehow it's my fault cause I am too hard on him).
Anyway, when BS12 had to use the key to get in the house BD6 did it for him. He was evaluated and is slightly on the spectrum, but not enough for any type of help. He also has zero interest in helping himself. Every goddam thing I do with him to try to help him is a fight. Now my grand parents are fighting with him, I am just glad people pointing fingers and assigning blame are now dealing with his crap. It is not just me. OP, your SS probably has something going on but the mental health/development services in this country are so crappy that a diagnosis would be near impossible to get. Access to services only happens when issues are severe. Counselors want to act like BS12 is perfectly fine yet he has to get his sibling half his age to do simple tasks for him.
Oh no, your husband did
Oh no, your husband did not....wowee...I am not certain I would ever speak to the man again, honestly. He did all of this without asking you first. What? It was bad enough to begin with but when BM entered the picture as daddeee's request in YOUR house, it was all over.
What else might he do without your consent with BM or God knows whomever else?
I am certain you are livid and you have every right to be....daddeee needs to take care of his child during HIS time, not you, not BM....geez, I have heard it all.
From what I understand, SS
From what I understand, SS told his mom he had to unlock the door and be by himself for 15-20mins. She apparently asked him if he wanted her to pick him up, open the door and stay with him until daddy got home and SS said yes. DH found out about the plan after the fact but agreed to it nonetheless.
Just as bad or
Just as bad or worse...husband letting BM call the shots in YOUR home, without consulting you. Does he do this often? Sounds like you are very generous, maybe too much so; sometimes generous people are taken advantage of and/ or manipulated. I think between the SS, your husband and this BM, both apply, unfortunately. YOU should not allow any of this, nor should YOU do it. Pay somebody out of HIS account to do it, like the poster said 50.00, daddee can learn of your decision- upon review of his account balance. If you do it this time, you will also have to do it next time. You have a say in YOUR own home!
Next time hire a sitter, then
Next time hire a sitter, then let DH know you promised the sitter a cool 50.00 for turning a key in the lock and watching SS for five whole minutes.
YES! THIS! What a great
YES! THIS! What a great idea!!!
Here's a shocker for
Here's a shocker for ya....they would NEVER hire a babysitter to watch their son....nor would the son "allow" it.
Then daddeeee, needs to do
Then daddeeee, needs to do it, yes, leave the meeting early...if his standard of care is sooooo pathetically crippling of his own child. This is not YOUR circus and it is not YOUR monkeys. But I would have a come to Jesus (or some higher power meeting), with weakling daddeee remnding him he was your husband; he'd be reaching out to a higher power before I was done with him....
I couldn't agree with you
I couldn't agree with you more. I was asked by my DH last week to watch SS this Wednesday because he has a work committment until about 9pm. I told him this morning to figure out an alternative plan or switch days with his lovely ex.
No more Mrs. Nice Girl. I've had it.
You've been very
You've been very accommodating to everybody, it sounds in the past; you have to stop cold turkey or they will consume you the rest of your life, SS, BM, and husband.
You go girl!
That is beyond...why can't BM
That is beyond...why can't BM take the child to her house if he is that scared of being alone. There is no way BM would ever be allowed to sit in my house at all, so if she ever suggested she'd sit in my house when I wasn't there, well, that would not go over well. DH doesn't get along with BM, so he wouldn't suggest it, but if he ever did, I don't even know what I'd say to him.
DH gets sort of protective like that over his kids. They are 11 year old twins and he won't leave them alone at sports practice. One has to get there an hour before every game. The team is supposedly "warming up", but usually they are just sitting around. DH refuses to drop him off and go back later (even when the game location is 5 minutes from our home). Inevitably, he gets in some fight with BM because he insists on being there to watch his child. I'm like "get out of your own way and don't hang around." If it were my child, I'd be like "bye, see you in an hour."
Fortunately, we don't have the kids on weekends, or I'm sure we'd have to deal with the same crap. BM would probably raise holy hell if they were alone at our house for five minutes even though she leaves them alone at night until after their bedtime while she goes out with her boyfriend.
It's embarrassing when kids who should be starting to show their own independence and find their way are totally babied. DH's problem is that he still wants to think his boys are babies...but then sometimes gets annoyed when they act like babies. I tell him "children will act in ways that are expected of them, so if you baby them, don't be surprised when they act like babies."
Exactly right! how in the
Exactly right! how in the world is this boy going to survive the real world if he is coddled to the point of not opening a door and staying alone for a short time? Poor kids got a long road ahead of him if BM and daddy are always shielding him from it. Helicopter parenting creates disastrous socially inept adults!
Can I get an amen? I was
Can I get an amen? I was taken back by both as well. Perhaps they should re-kindle their marriage and raise this baby together? She could continue breast feeding as well from the sound of it.
Funny cause that's exactly
Funny cause that's exactly what I suggested to my DH on the phone this morning. I told him they seem like a match made in heaven and that he should consider working things out with her. Their crappy "parenting" are very in-tune with one anothers'.
You can be equally floored. I
You can be equally floored. I know I am. lol
Agree
Agree
omg this is insane! No way I
:jawdrop: omg this is insane! No way I could let this happen in my home either! If a 12 year old can't unlock a door, he is in for a world of trouble when he's older! Like when he has to work a printer, refrigerator, file cabinet, computer etc
I Joke, but truly this is insane to me! Im sorry you had to cancel your plans, I'd be so pissed at my husband!
Why did you cancel? This is
Why did you cancel?
This is when you take away the key to the door, break your normal rule of 'never communicate with BM', and text her saying to take SS right on to her house when she meets the kid at the bus stop.
Problem solved..
Problem solved..
Your DH is a &^**^%&(^%%
Your DH is a &^**^%&(^%% ahole. Can you live with that?
You just got played by both
You just got played by both DH and SS. Shows where SS learned his behavior from.
She got played by DH, SS &
She got played by DH, SS & BM. This is helicopter parenting to the extreme! :sick:
Why can't the kid sit on the
Why can't the kid sit on the doorstep for 15 mins. Hangout in the back yard. Visit a neighbor. Go to the library. Stay at school an extra 15 mins. So so so many options other than constant adult supervision and assistance with using a key. Yep height of ridiculousness.
That is ridiculous! He is
That is ridiculous! He is never going to learn - you have to be challenged to learn! I mean, my son is 10 and his dad just bailed on his times. My husband and I have our schedules set up such as we tend to work when ex had son. Husband works 24 hour shifts, and I work 12 hour shifts. My TEN year old this morning was alone from when husband left for work at 5:30am as I was working 7p-7:30am. My TEN year old got himself up with his alarm, made sure his lunch was in bookbag, was ready for school and when I called at 7:45am after finishing shift, was getting himself out ready for the bus! Were we nervous he would just sleep through alarm? Yes, but we literally had no one available at the last minute. We spoke to son last night, he was aware of situation and was EXCITED to prove himself. And he did! Kids need expectations to grow to in order to grow!
I would have no problem having son come home and spend some time alone, he has actually let himself in before and been home for a few hours alone (neighbors were keeping an eye) - he was fine, let the dog out, made a snack and did his homework. He WANTS to prove he can do these things. We are trying to teach him he is not responsible for his dads failings but he likes being independent. He knows he can call us.
I would ask your husband if he wants a man-child forever, at 12 I would expect my son to stay home alone!
This is bananas , I would
This is bananas , I would lose my mind! I can say my husband supports my decisions and how things are run in my house , if I am busy and cannot help him with the care of his child it is up to him to find someone or leave work himself ! And does it without complaining. Sounds like some serious boundaries need to be established!
Crazy!!!! Child centric
Crazy!!!! Child centric parenting taken to the extreme.
Sorry....kid is going to live with you till he is 30. By then he MIGHT know how to open a locked door and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Did not read all the
Did not read all the comments, cause I'm exploding of anger...
This is what you will do next time, tell DH, I'm out for the after noon, please arrange for SS to visit his mother, or you (DH) can take leave and babysit his son.
But you are not really having something to do, it's only to see if BM enters your house again, then call the police and report an unwanted person on your premises, let DH and BM deal with the police.
I would arrive shortly after BM and I will tell her get the eff out of my house you b@tch, if I ever see you even on my porch I will call the police
WTF is right. Id caterpault
WTF is right. Id caterpault DHs ass over to BMs and they can baby their kid til the cows came home. This makes me so damn angry for you. Im sorry they played you.
Oh wow, yes...WTF?!?!? That
Oh wow, yes...WTF?!?!? That is so freaking ridiculous! I would be pissed as well! 12 and can't unlock a door?!?! I can honestly say I am not to surprised....this will be my extremely coddled/babied SD as well and her crazy BM (helicopter mommy) objecting to her precious snowflake being home alone for 15 minutes! My son is 10 and can unlock a door and has been able to for a long time! I have him open it for me all the time when we get home. It isn't rocket science...hell I'm almost sure my 3yo could figure it out if he had to! OMG!!! I have also allowed him to stay home alone (he begged...most normal kids want to show independence) and he survived and followed all the rules we gave him just fine. I wouldn't trust leaving SD (also 10) alone though b/c she isn't nearly as mature due to the coddling.
Oh and one day I came home from work to BM's car in the driveway (where I park - which she knows) and her inside "helping SD and Daddee with SD's homework" - she was like 7 or 8 and I'm sure Daddee could have figured it out without BM being there. At the time we lived around the corner from BM (talk about HELL). I know BM was trying to get a rise out of me but I was far more livid with SO and I was pregnant at the time so as you can imagine my blood was boiling walking in there to them looking like they were having family time in MY home! I didn't say shit to BM and she giggled and was like "oh sorry I'm parked in your spot" You know damn well she wasn't sorry! I didn't lose my cool with her but you better believe I let hell unleash on SO after she left and thankfully he got the message and I haven't had that experience again. BM of course still tries to push the boundaries but SO knows better! LOL
Oh boy the helicopter BM
Oh boy the helicopter BM seems to be the issue I have as well. Pretty sure she still breastfeeds my 13 year old SD. (thats a joke) but it seems that way. It's really maddening.
Yep, helicopter BMs that
Yep, helicopter BMs that coddle and protect their children instead of educating them and encouraging them to grow and become independent are a really big part of the issues with these entitled little skids! I try to disengage as much as possible and just wait for karma to come into play. I know it might take a while but it will. Plus I like to use their tactics against them whenever possible. My SO got upset b/c I was taking my boys to the zoo on a weekend we didn't have SD and he was working..."what about SD, she would like to go"...Sorry, I'm not allowed to babysit her so she can't go with us. Even though I guarantee BM would let me take her somewhere fun and spend money on her!
WTF, my 7 year old demands
WTF, my 7 year old demands that I give him the keys when we get home so he can unlock the house door. SEVEN. Why the hell can't a 12 year old handle this??
and if my DH ever conspired behind my back to have BM INSIDE my home, for something so ridiculously stupid, his shit would be OUTSIDE my home STAT. What a jerkwad.