My husband is the world's biggest jackass
SO pissed right now.
BD12 is a difficult child. Reactive, emotional, stubborn as hell, takes EVERYTHING personally. We are struggling right now. I take her to therapy EVERY damn week to help deal with this. DH is not there, nor does he actively engage in the process. BD12 has admitted she takes things out on me because 1) I'm the parent who is there for/with her day in and day out and 2) DH is so angry she's afraid of his reaction.
So this morning BD12 and I are fighting, DH is sitting in a chair like a lump, and he says IN FRONT OF BD12 that I am "borderline bullying her." Because I told her we were not leaving the house until she told me why she was being so hostile to me. (She was being horrible.)
So I sent BD12 outside to the car and asked DH to please, if he's not going to support me, not tear me down IN FRONT OF BD12. We could talk about it privately, but I needed his support. What the HELL does he do? Says to me that I "suck at parenting teens." Which was a dig at the problems I had with SD22. I'm sorry, but there is NO correlation. It was made clear to me EVERY DAY that I was NOT SD's parent. I was not ALLOWED to parent her. But BD12 is MY child and I'm the ONLY one parenting her.
I told DH that the situation with me and BD12 has NOTHING to do with SD. And he said, "Well, you're the only common denominator." At that point I just left the house. And then he texted me and said, "I said what I meant." Jackass! I didn't bother pointing out that he missed one GIANT common denominator in the equation and that is HIM!!!!!
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Comments
Wow! What a mean man.
Wow! What a mean man.
Yes, unfortunately, he is,
Yes, unfortunately, he is, but if you ask him he treats me like gold.
He just refuses to see it. He
He just refuses to see it. He has taken BD to therapy twice. The second time he dropped her and ran away rather than discuss anything with the therapist. It is ALWAYS me, NEVER him. It gets really tiring...
It made me mad on your behalf
It made me mad on your behalf when I read that your husband said, "Well, you're the common denominator." You should definitely point out that he's the common denominator since he's the father of both girls. I'm not sure when you came into SD's life but I would assume you weren't there from the start and that she also had a mother in her life.
I'm also married to a guy who won't let me parent his child and I've heard this same kind of BS before.
He won't agree he's a common
He won't agree he's a common denominator because in his mind he has "let" me parent our two BDs however I want. That's BS because he's not around to parent them during the week (works 1-11 pm) and he's too lazy to parent them on the weekends.
DH and I met when SD was 5, married when she was 8 and yes her BM was in the picture, along with a stepdad she treated like crap, but somehow I am the problem?
(No subject)
I think HE needs to be forced
I think HE needs to be forced to go to couples therapy--make him pay for that comment, lo! After paying for a few visits, maybe he'll keep his mouth shut! }:)
(even if he disagreed with you, he shouldn't have said so in front of the kid--you guys are a team)
We did that once before, it
We did that once before, it was AWFUL. He likes to be really hateful in therapy, destructive and not constructive. I don't think I can take another round of that. Like I said earlier, all problems have their root with ME (as far as he is concerned).
So... does your daughter get
So... does your daughter get her issues from him then?
Yes, unfortunately, their
Yes, unfortunately, their behaviors are identical. So she feeds off him, and he has no clue how to deal with her because he can't even "deal with" his own behavior. I SWEAR he was not like this when we married, he has gotten significantly worse over time. He's on medication but it's not working too well.
Me too
Me too
I'm so mad at him right now
I'm so mad at him right now it would be hard for me to see them. He's kind to other people, will go out of his way to do things for them. He's not kind to his own family. Is that a redeeming quality?
Oh, and by the way, my
Oh, and by the way, my parents, HIS parents and BD's therapist fully support how I am raising these kids. DH's mom told him multiple times how wrong he was and that he should listen to me and support me. But nobody's ever right but him.
I've been reading up on that
I've been reading up on that and there are a lot of telling things, like:
In private with his immediate family he would probably throw a temper tantrum with his face turning beetroot-red. The smile that he displays in public is his only smile because he'll seldom smile to his nearest and dearest at home, unless he's in an unusually good mood.
The narcissist doesn't believe in equality, or at least not when it affects him. Equality would seem demeaning to the narcissist if it applied to him, because it places him down on the same level as everyone else. He often takes for himself special privileges, knowing that typically others won't be so rude to call him out for taking liberties with various situations.
Others will regularly get angry at the narcissist's inappropriate, unethical, bullying behaviors, and they will immediately be dismissed by the narcissist as hotheads, jealous, liars, or as having any number of other defects. After all, their anger has to be inappropriate since the narcissist will never admit to being wrong themselves.
If you marry a narcissist, his behaviour and attitude will seem to change suddenly after the wedding. You might think that he has suddenly changed but actually he hasn't. It's just that you are now seeing his private behaviour rather than the façade which he presented to you before you got married. If he hadn't presented that façade to you, and if you could have seen how he would behave to you once you became his immediate family, do you really think you would have married him?
Yes, that's exactly how it is
Yes, that's exactly how it is here. He complains constantly about how he can't even have friends over to our house because it's messy, but he won't lift a finger to help. He only cleans up after himself about 50% of the time and refuses to clean up after anyone else. If he makes a mess and you can't prove it, he claims it's not his mess.