Distinguishing the truth from the lies
DH lied to me about lying. Big surprise. I have been distant to him ever since I saw the email to SD20 that was identical to what he sent to me. He has been more affectionate to overcome my distance, but it's not working.
Last night I confronted him that I knew he was lying and he denied it. Then he said he didn't send that same message to SD20 on the same day he sent it to me. Splitting hairs much? So, SD20 is indeed coming for a visit, although he didn't say when. He said she will be staying at a hotel.
I asked:
* Are you going to pay for the hotel room? He said no, but given his track record with lying (see above), I can't believe him.
* Is she bringing the boyfriend with her? He said no, and I asked how he could stop her and he said he would tell her not to. Um, yeah, that works.
* What happened to telling her not to come after she was insulting me online? That was then (a whopping one month ago), this is now. And MIL wants to see SD. I'm 90% sure this last part is a lie because I frowned and then he asked me if I'd talked to MIL about SD20 and I said no (which is the truth) because MIL doesn't need the added stress. So that makes me wonder if MIL would tell me, No, she didn't ask DH to have SD20 come for a visit. Another lie, I suspect.
So sick of his lies. Not sure I believe a word out of his mouth any more, which doesn't bode well for our marriage. And I can't get him to understand that.
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Comments
I would really exaggerate the
I would really exaggerate the fact that he is lying to you. To the point where it is completely obvious WHY you are acting the way you are.
What I mean: He says, "It looks like rain outside." You run over to the window to look for yourself.
He said, "We are low on milk." You go to the refrigerator and swish the carton around to judge for yourself.
He will get pissed and then you can say that he lies to you so much you have no clue if and when he IS telling the truth. So, you figured that you'd just have to find out the truth for yourself every time.
With women who won't put up
With women who won't put up with men who lack character and integrity.
^^^yep!
^^^yep!
Ummmm, why do you tolerate
Ummmm, why do you tolerate your husband lying to you? This is a major dealbreaker for me, because I put up with a man lying over the dumbest (and the most important) shit for 8 yrs. I refuse to live with a liar.
Can you put it to him this way: "DH you're lying to me and I don't appreciate the disrespect. If you continue to lie to me I will NOT remain in this relationship. Marriages are built on honesty, trust and respect. All of which you are NOT displaying to me."
And just see what he says?
We have gone around and
We have gone around and around about this more times than I can count. I do love him, I honestly do not know why he lies like this. He does NOT see it as a lie. And sometimes I believe he has convinced himself he is telling the truth. In this case, I have no proof, so I can't stick something in front of his nose and say "See that. NOW lie to me."
Ok, so when you DO have
Ok, so when you DO have proof, stick it in front of his nose and say it! PROVE to him that he's lying to you.
Or Hell, turn the tables and start lying to him!
Is he only lying to you with
Is he only lying to you with things that concern his daughter or is he lying about any subject:
The reason I ask is because I went through a time like this early in my marriage. My husband would lie about the stupidest stuff and I couldn't understand why.
We had a come to jesus moment and I told him he had to leave because I just couldn't put up with the lies. I mean, if he's lying about something so stupid, how can I trust him on the important things.
He told me the reason he lied was because he thought they were so stupid that he didn't want to risk pissing me off or upsetting me with the truth. We talked about it a lot...lol. I understood why he was lying but stressed to him that it could not go on. We both needed to make some adjustments. Mine where that I wouldn't interfer with his decisions regarding his kids as long as it didn't directly affect me and he wouldn't lie about what he did or didn't do for them or with them.
We've been married for 10 years now and not only has the lying stopped, but I was relieved of the time and energy it cost me to CARE about what he did or didn't do for them.
my dh would lie to cover up
my dh would lie to cover up things he KNEW would upset me regarding his kids, bm and mil (to avoid a fight), i'd catch the lie and ww3 would erupt. the core of this problem was that he didn't see me as his partner. he saw his MOTHER as his partner when it came to skids. it's taken me moving to the basement (the next step is physical separation) to get him to work on our marriage. i've been down here about 3 weeks now and we've made more progress in these 3 weeks than we have our entire 6 year relationship. it has forced him to face our issues. going to take awhile, but i will not move back until i see that things are changed permanently. the thing is, until YOU do something different, he will continue lying to you (unless he's a habitual liar and lies about everything_