Communication: What good does it do to talk if the other person isn't listening?
Just incredibly frustated and kind of sad this morning. DH and I have been on a long, slow downward spiral and I don't know how to change that. I'm not even sure that I care enough to change it any more. And that is sad to me as well.
It's just a lot of things building. I'm clearly not cut out for this steplife. What was I thinking?
DH took BD8 to see SD21 this weekend for parents' weekend at her college. DH and I have discussed previously that I do not want BD8 in a car driven by SD21. She's not a safe driver, she drinks and does drugs (illegal and prescription), she speeds, she texts while she drives. Dh agreed 100% with me the last time he went to see SD21 that our BDs would not be in a car driven by her. So, of course, this time I don't say anything about it because we already had an understanding. Or so I thought. BD8 comes home and informs me she rode in a car driven by SD21 and DH wasn't even in the car with them. I look at him and he says, "Why, is there something wrong with that?" Seriously? I didn't even bother. BD8 is fine. But why do I talk if you're not going to listen? Or pretend you forgot? Or say you didn't think I still meant it?
Then this morning he asks me a direct question and I give him a direct answer. About an hour later I follow up via text, he disagrees, then says he thought I said something different when I answered him. Again, not listening.
It is like this ALL the time. I say something to him, he does whatever the hell he wants then says he didn't HEAR me. Uh huh.
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I'm sorry for what you're
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Of course there's that moment the love-blindness ends and we realize we chose someone with flaws. But this is more than flaws. This is someone fundamentally selfish and self-serving. From your posts, he consistently chooses what he wants now over the future happiness of himself, (all) his kids and you. It's not even a matter of him thinking SD farts glitter - it's the callous disregard for anything besides what he wants now.
Please don't think for a second this has anything to do with you. You might be able to effect some changes, but it would be a lot of effort on your part and mostly, you'd end up feeling even more distant. I think. Maybe you'd be rewarded in other ways though.
My DH pretends to listen,
My DH pretends to listen, like yours, then later does whatever he wants anyway. This is a reoccuring them with steplife. I often wonder if BM just got tired of his crap. I hate the woman but still.
I had a moment this weekend
I had a moment this weekend where I wanted to rip DH's face off for the same stupid shit. Not quite the same caliber of importance as yours but still.. I have told DH AND SD16 I don't even know how many times that I don't like people using/taking my things without asking.
So Saturday night I am sitting the couch with DH and I see a bottle of my nailpolish sitting on the table. I didn't paint my nails. So I say (more so to myself) "how the heck did my nail polish get down here?" DH all panicky like says "Oh, SD16 asked me if you had any nail polish she could borrow. I told her there might be some in the bathroom cabinet... she asked me cause you weren't here and we know how you get about her going upstairs"
First off, I KNOW that DH must have told her to go into my bathroom to get it, because DH wouldn't have known what color as I had about 7-8 different ones in there. Second off, why the fuck is it so difficult to just say "You know Daizy doesn't like you using her stuff, so the answer is no" I just let it go with him... there is no point in my wasting any more breath on this. But I did march myself upstairs, and removed all of the nailpolish that was in the bathroom and put it with the rest of my nailpolish that is hidden away. But seriously how fucking ridiculous that I have to do this.
How freaking ridiculous that you even need to TELL your DH that your 8 year old should not be riding in the car with a flat out irresponsible 21 year old?
you are preaching to the
you are preaching to the choir!!!! Remember my DH was the dipshit who thought it would be OK for BS4 to be in the car the day SD16 got her PERMIT and he let her drive through the city. Yeah. I about threw up. ridiculous that I needed to EXPLAIN to him the downright lack of brain cells in his thought process.
At times I have got to the
At times I have got to the point with DH where I wanted to record conversations or have it in writing because there have been so many times when he has said one thing and then done another, and then claimed he 'forgot' or had never said such and such in the first place, or there was some get out clause for the specific circumstance in which he disregarded an agreement. The ability to conveniently 'forget' conversations and agreements when they happen to conflict with what they want to do seems to be a real talent among some birth parents.
And sheesh, this stuff goes on and on. Even when you think they are grown up and no longer a day to day part of your life still the jellyfish parenting can continue to ruin your relationship. DH has worked hard to make amends for previous disastrous conflicts over stepchild issues, but I still don't trust him to do what's right rather than follow the path of least resistance when it comes to his children.