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Eldorado's picture

Submitted by Eldorado on Thu, 01/14/2016 - 9:21pm

This has been an eventful week for my family. I am no longer taking care of my stepson during the week while DH is at work, and DH is moving out this Saturday. I am pretty certain about what I want to do, but for now, we are giving each other space. I want to exhaust all options and put in an honest effort before splitting apart my family. Some background information, DH had been cheating on me for 3/4th's of our relationship together with the mother of his first child. I am filled with guilt and worry about leaving for good. Leaving DH means selling our house, I'd need to sell our animals, and our small business would dissolve. But most importantly, and the only thing that really matters, is I'm afraid what impact me leaving will have on my son who is a year old. I hope he isn't negatively affected by me leaving. I keep debating whether it's worth it to stay and be with someone I don't trust or love, or to leave? Which is better for the kid? I guess it's the age old debate, is it worth staying together for the kids? I don't want my son to have a stepmom. I don't want to share holidays. I don't want to miss out time with my son because DH couldn't keep it in his pants.

Comments

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Thu, 01/14/2016 - 9:35pm

Why would you want to stay with someone that cheats on you. Will always cheat on you.

Do you really want to teach your son that it's okay to stay in an unhappy marriage, that cheating is okay?

It would be worse for him if you stay.

And you're worried about an SM? If you want him to have a nice SM, then I suggest you get started now on how to treat people with kindness and respect.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Thu, 01/14/2016 - 11:41pm

My decision to divorce was based upon doing what I thought was best for my BS (then 1 year old/10 years married). One night it hit me that if it was me-alone, I might make one choice, but since I was now responsible for this new life, I needed to change how I looked at our lives.

What was I modeling in real life? Was I acting with honor and authenticity? By staying with Ex-DH, was I covering up lies, deceit, lack-of-integrity and broken promises? Was I allowing myself to be belittled and my concept of marriage to be marginalized? By not objecting & leaving was I tacitly condoning things ? I would fire any employee who cheated, stole and lied at work, so why was I accepting far less in my personal life?

In addition, the financial facts of money leaving our household to support an affair and purported second family --- monies which might have been spent in our family or college fund or whatever.

The kicker was really stepping outside of my life and looking at what I was teaching my son by my behavior and choices.

Breathe and leave.

DPW's picture

Submitted by DPW on Thu, 01/14/2016 - 11:54pm

Great post.

Sorry OP that you're going through this. I hope you're able to make the best decision for you and your child.

Adinah's picture

Submitted by Adinah on Fri, 01/15/2016 - 6:22am

Staying for the sake of your son is no reason to stay with someone, especially with someone who cheats on you!
You should not be feeling any guilt at all.
Everything you listed, selling the house, business dissolving, etc...those are all very stressful but are 100% fixable and replaceable.
I'm sorry about to hear about the animals. Is there another family member who can help care for them until you get settled?
Set the example for your son what a family is supposed to be like.

Cooooookies's picture

Submitted by Cooooookies on Fri, 01/15/2016 - 7:47am

The day I have to ask this board whether I should stay with my DH or go is the day I leave him. I don't think you're really asking what you should do, I think you're just afraid of taking the first step and afraid of change.

He's never been faithful to you - there really is no other question except when are you leaving? There is and will be someone out there who will treat you 100% better than this scumbag ever has. What are you teaching your son on how to treat a woman if he grows up watching this two-timing lowlife? Get out now.

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Fri, 01/15/2016 - 8:05am

If you were your son, what household would you want to grow up? You want your son to grow into the type of man that is loyal, faithful and knows how to treat lady? Or do you want him to see you unhappy and the "norm" is infidelity? To me, no sense of security is worth that.