I'm not a cat person as I've always had dogs - but no way in hell I would dump a cat because of some ahole BM and her demands.

There are lots of work arounds to deal with allergies. An uncontrollable allergy results in immediate issues - not an infection days or weeks later.

I second all of the above posters stating get proof of the allergy test sent from the doctor's office directly to DH, along with the order that SS not be allowed in a home with a cat. Below is my experience with "allergies per BM".

Shortly after I married DH and moved in with my Newfie, BM claimed SS was allergic to dogs and was coming home from our house sick every time. She threatened to withhold him if we didn't get rid of my Levi. (50/50 custody and placement) DH laughed in her face and told her he'd be at his next pickup with the sheriff if needed, but SS was showing no signs of allergies at our home. He was getting colds, but he'd also just started Pre-K at a new school. BM dropped it. She'd tell SS he was allergic to our dog, but we'd just remind SS that he played with Levi all day and never coughed or broke out, and that he talked about playing with his GBM's dogs all the time. BM apparently told him that GBM's dogs were special. According to DH the dogs were Golden Retriever and a Lab mix. Not 'hypoallergenic' dogs.

Then during a custody dispute, BM demanded an allergy test due to DH's "medical neglect of SS's severe dog allergy." (Note: at this point we'd lost Levi 6+ months previously due to a neurological condition.) Pediatrician put SS on claritin as a preventative and recommended a specific type of air filter for SS's room. The allergist was supposed to do a full panel on SS (whatever that is). For the first round he tested dog, cat, and dust. SS didn't react at all. He had such a non-reaction that the allergist cancelled the other rounds and send him home with a signed notice of "No Allergies".

Rehome the skid.

Send the cat away to a cat vacay or a relative when stepson visits and do a good cleaning before he comes, get a good quality air filter also. Let bd enjoy the cat the rest of the time.

I'm sorry but I do not care..... BM can call CPS , FBI, CIA, KGB, MI6 but the cat will stay.... over and done with.

If BM does not like the fact that the cat stays, she can keep SS with her, if DH does not like the fact that the cat stays, he can move out for visitation, maybe that will be a good thing for your marriage as well, DH caring all on his own for SS int heir own place lol.....

Does your DH always assume BM is the authority on parenting? That my be part of why your marriage is on less than steady ground. BM may have convinced herself that she is but that doesn't give her an honorary medical license.

From what you post, I can guarantee that BM is not a MD. Just because she believes something and has a uterus doesn't make it true. I would not do anything without a formal diagnosis. Your Dh should take SS to a specialist and not rely on BM's word.

There's plenty that can be done if he HAS has allergies. The specialist can be informative about steps to minimize irritation. I have a small zoo and asthma and allergies. DH is allergic to cats. He did get desensitized because I'm not getting rid of my cats. My allergy is managed with medication.

I'm also curious about why BM does that makes her a mandated reporter.

Please forgive any typos, new phone.

I will attest that allergies can come on suddenly. I have had dogs and cats in the past, but recently I became extremely sick due to being around animals. I had allergy testing done, it was a simple blood test, that showed that I am allergic to a lot of things.

It is just crazy, and I, like your stepson, had to go to the urgent/emergency care. BUT, I was officially diagnosed with having an allergic reaction. I was told that allergies don't cause bacterial infections or pneumonia. They treated me for an allergic reaction, with antihistamines and prednisone. I was fine after taking the course.

This is what makes me think that the BM in your situation is not being honest. Your dh can take your skid to the doc, even a primary care doc, and get a simple allergy blood test done. It will list exactly what your skid is allergic to.

Let BM call cps! I can imagine that a 15 year of kid, whoms mom sends to the evil cat people, will not be on their radar. Or they will simply tell you to have visitation out of the house, or maybe keep the cat away.

This kid will have to take antihistamines if he is allergic to cats. PERIOD! Because there is cat dander on most people who have cats. So, unless the kid is going to live in a bubble, it will be his new fact of life.

Tell BM "sure, absolutely" then keep the cat anyway. The kid only comes EOWE so just put the cat in your DD's room while he's there. And don't mention it. I'm sure the skid will inspect the house for the cat especially if he is a mean one, but your DH can keep him out of the house during the weekend to keep him busy.

cat allergies can be really bad. our first Christmas together, santa had to come a 1a due to oss' awful wheezing and overall breathing issues. i had to rehome my two furbabies - i hated to do it, but human health comes first.

that being said, it was a decision dh and i made together since we both witnessed the allergy attack firsthand. the op's husband really needs to get an allergy test done so he can see results himself and not simply take bm's word for it. especially if the boy is not really showing symptoms until bm says he does. an allergy attack does not cause infection or pneumonia. that's pure bs. if he does have a respiratory infection or pneumonia, it's because that $#!t has sat and festered inside him w/o bm getting him proper treatment - on rare occasions there are no symptoms until it's full-blown, that that is *usually* not the case. an infection does not happen overnight. and an allergy is not likely to 'grow' an infection unless it's prolonged, untreated exposure.

the dh here needs to get his hands on medical records.

I am sure some of the long timers remember my DH's battle over Sheba...

First time around, Medusa filed a motion to have my Sheba removed from my house when her speshul snowflakes were in it. She based this on a 6 year old "recommendation" from BabyVoice's pediatrician as it related to THEIR DOG - LOL!! It did make a small mention of a "slight" allergy to cat dander.

The original recommendation laid out some things for Medusa and DH (they were still married at the time) to do to help with BV's "allergies", including removing the carpeting, keeping the dog out of the kid's room, air cleaners, blah blah blah.

Our response was the we didn't have a dog, that Medusa didn't follow the instructions from the doctor the first time around, but none of it mattered because we had already bought a condo in MedusaTown where DH would be spending his time with the skids, which Medusa knew anyway. We won.

Round 2 came after she lost custody - she took the same bullshit to the Parenting Coordinator, who asked us if we could take BV for an updated allergy test. We did, and it showed that BV was no longer allergic to cats. We won again.

Take the kid for an allergy screen to see what the allergies, if any, actually are. If allergice, the skid can take an allergy pill and you can make other accommodations, but I wouldn't remove the cat.

I would have DH request the medical records from the facility. He is the dad, so they have to provide them! If the diagnosis is true, I am sorry but I would say you would be probably expected to keep SS healthy. I would either let friends or family keep the cat EOW during visits, and I would leave it up to DH to sanitize and get the house ready EOW for ss.

The second option I would pursue if the above won't work is that yes, DH conducts his visits outside the home.

I wrote this speaking as both a BM and a SM. If this is a true diagnosis (like I said request the records) then yes, I would think you would need to accommodate the SS somehow, and I hope I am not coming across as a GUBM. I am just trying to look at it from both sides. If my own son had that bad of an allergy, and if after he saw the records my exH and his wife did nothing to accommodate him, I would withhold him.

ETA later OP stated that SS left on a Sunday, and did not have his attack till a Friday. I don't even buy it now! Yeah, have your DH take him in for an allergy test at the DR of his choice. Sounds like he is allergic to something in BM home anyways.

Wow we had the same issue when SO and I moved in together. BM lost her mind because I had cats and SD was "allergic" to cats. But BM had cats around SD her entire life it ws just my cats that were a problem. She demanded we get rid of them so my SO came to me and asked for my advice. I said if she is allergic she can take allergy meds right? He said she already takes them regularly so I thought ok we should be good.

Well not good enough for BM she raised hell and took it to court and they said have her take allergy meds, BM was pissed!!! It was hilarious and then not even a month later BM gets TWO freaking cats at her house :? :? :?

Register the cat on line as an emotional support animal for your DD and then tell EX wife that you can't get rid of it because it is am emotional support animal. Once you register the cat you get proof in writing.