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Another wedding blog - a SD's perspective

Dory's picture

Submitted by Dory on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:43am

I stumbled across this page whilst searching for another specific article which I'd read quite some time ago. I can no longer find the one I was looking for but this young lady's dilemma may give us insight into how SDs feel about inviting their SMs to their weddings.

How funny! She doesn't consider her SM to be family. Looks like most comments from other readers are also from SD's......

http://www.soyoureengayged.com/2011/family-boundaries-and-your-wedding/

Comments

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 10:08am

And here I sit, in the opposite corner. My stepmom didn't attend my bridal shower because my mom didn't want her to go. I felt really bad that my stepmom didn't go. Sad

My wedding is in 29 days and I wish that I would be able to ask my stepmom to help out with some things but it would make my mom mad so I'm not even going to go there.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 1:06pm

I would like to know exactly what this woman's SM did to make her not like her.

I think the right thing to do would be to extend the invite to SM. My stepmother tried to PAS me against my own mother (unsuccessfully). She would tell my father about her unfavorable opinions of me when she knew I was in earshot. She made no effort to get to know me and always gave me the cold shoulder. She would talk about me with her friends when she knew I was in earshot. It hurt to be gossiped about like that.

Fast forward to my adulthood, when I was planning my own wedding. When those invites went out, I made sure my stepmother's name was also on the invite mailed to her and my dad's house. I did this a) knowing she would probably decline the invite, but I could still sleep at night knowing I did the right thing by my father by inviting her, b)for my dad and c) because my dad helped pay for it. I also knew I'd be so busy socializing with others, so my focus would be going in hundreds of different directions. My stepmother opted not to come, just as I thought she would. I also talked with the Reverend and wedding planner and they helped me devise a seating arrangement that would be appropriate for my mom, stepdad, dad and stepmother.

If this woman's dad was married to her mom when she died, and remarried only a year after, I can see why she would feel pain over that, and not be close to her SM. However, I think she should think about how she'd feel if her FDH wasn't invited to one of her family events. I also think she should invite the SM especially if she's asking her father to contribute $$$$ to her wedding. I just think it's rude to hit someone up for cash to help pay for an event and then purposely not invite their spouse or tell them, "I don't want your spouse there."