My SS started doing this after DH and I bought a house. DH and BM had been separated for five years at that time, divorced for four. I'm assuming BM was trying to be manipulative behind the scenes. She had told the kids that after we bought our house, we were "going to take the kids away" from her.

Shortly after we moved in, SS would come to our house and spend the afternoon in his room pouting. Then he would insist on calling his mom before going to bed and insist on waiting up until she answered his call (despite the fact that BM knew SS would want to call, she was never available at bedtime to talk to him). BM would then text him the next morning to ask if he "was ok". Then the next night, SS would need to call again and then would also need to call again on Sunday just hours before going home. He told both me and DH, "I have anxiety like my mom, so I need to call my mom." I talked to him about what he typically used to help himself calm down and that we would buy whatever he needed. He then would tell BM he wanted to come home because we wouldn't get him melatonin - to help him sleep - or that he felt uncomfortable asking us to get him melatonin or other things. Then BM would text DH and say, "SS needs this. He told me to text you because he feels uncomfortable asking you to get it for him because he thinks you won't get it."

SS also pitches an absolute fit and screams that he wants to go home. Usually calls his mother and says he wants to go home, too. He's 11 almost 12, so this is very age inappropriate. Part of me thinks he's doing it for his mom's benefit. Trying to show her that he really likes her better than his dad. SS and BM are sort of enmeshed. They both have emotionally inappropriate reactions and then expect the other to mirror those back to them.

His brother - also 11 almost 12 - since they are twins - has regular accidents. I'm assuming he's just a deep sleeper, but I'm supposed to pretend it doesn't happen because "he's embarrassed", so I can't suggest that maybe he set an alarm in the middle of the night to wake him up to go pee.

I try to be sympathetic, but it's difficult to deal with issues children have when no one wants to try to address those issues or help the children build the coping skills to deal with those issues themselves.

"You miss your mom? That's understandable. Bed time right now but tomorrow you can skip *fun activity* and write her a letter."

My younger SD used to say that she missed BM when she came EOW - from age 5 and it continued right up until she was about 13! Occasionally she would kick off so much that she would phone her mother to come and get her.

My grandsons - who are currently 4 and 7 - my daughter split up with my son in law a couple of years ago - and they both say that they miss the parent they are not currently with - a lot. I don't think it's abnormal or even all that worrying - I think my grandsons will grow out of this as they get more used to going between homes.

With regard to my SD - she is now 21, and tried to leave her mother to go to college but only managed one term as she was so homesick. I believe she has an attachment disorder - but most kids gradually learn to cope with short - and then longer - periods away from parents.

If it's new I won't worry about it yet. As a mother of four and SM of one along with two grandsons, I've found kids between 4-8 are masters in finding excuses not to get to bed (or why they can't possibly sit at table and eat their dinner).

They need to pee. Need to get a drink. Forgot to tell Mom goodnight. Forgot to tell the cat goodnight. Did you feed the dog? I hear a noise, what was it? My Mom might be missing me, maybe I should call and tell her goodnight. I'm cold/too warm. I'm worried I won't get up in time to go do ______. My tummy hurts. Can you shut off the street light?

It especially got creative during the few weeks before Christmas with the grandsons. They knew Mom/Dad were shopping and getting stuff ready for the holiday at their homes. Oh, no, maybe Mom needs me home to help carry groceries in from the car. Is today the day Dad was putting up the Christmas tree? Mom said she was baking my favorite cookies this week, do you think today is that day?

Besides all that it's natural for kids to be little PITA when it's mealtime and/or bedtime. It's what kids do. LOL. And sure, if skids BM has a new guy (is this number 5 this year??) she may be all wrapped up into spending time with him and perhaps using some evenings or her off work time on her weekend to see him over the skids. The little guy may really miss his Mom. However he did seem to rapidly recover once you started giving him attention

On the other hand, he may have just found the key to pull one over on SM2B and Daddy.

SS (now used to do that when he wanted attention, or when he didn’t like what was going on, like when he had to be reminded about rules. As long as he’s not getting fixated, I think it’s a pretty standard manipulation/control tactic from a COD. Not criticizing the kiddo, but talking about the other parent almost always gets people to react, right?

It could be that he genuinely misses his mom. The boys used to call DH within an hour of him dropping them back off with BM, crying that they missed him already. Broke DH's heart. I think they really did miss him because they only saw him EOWE. Could be with BM working every weekend that SS feels like he never gets to see her and does miss her. Young kids snap right back out of being mad/sad when you redirect, so him not seeming sad as soon as you engage isn't that unrealistic.

It could be that BM's new BF has caused her to stop bed time routines with the kids in favor of...other...bedtime routines with the new BF. SS may have been told stories, had a chance to cuddle with BM, etc before bed. It may have been his little bit of alone time with her that he has now lost. So, he's reaching out for something similar.

Or he's trying to manipulate the situation to stay up longer.

If I were a getting woman, I'd say it's a combo of 2 and 3. BM probably coddled him before bed when she was single, then got un-single and stopped coddling. It has thrown SS for a loop, and he's trying to verbalize how he feels and what he wants. It could be that getting cuddles from BM was triggered by him saying "I miss Dad", so BM had to swoop in to be MOTY. He could be playing the same tactic on you all because, as mentioned above, CODs mentioning the ex usually causes a reaction.

Try having DH give him a little more one-on-one at bedtime. See if that helps. If he keeps on about BM, just say "You'll see her Sunday, right now it's bedtime, go to bed." If he keeps coming up with new excuses, you know this isn't a BM issue so much as a manipulation one. If giving him an extra 5 minutes at bedtime with Dad fixes it, then I'd say something changed in BM's home and SS is feeling insecure. Your SO can provide his son with security without giving in to manipulation, so do that and see how it works.

My SS did this when he was three and four. He would say he misses his mom but in reality he “missed” bedtime at BMs because she would let him sleep with her and let him stay up however late he wanted watching tv. As for the eating, she would let him graze all day. He would eat lunchables all day long and she would let him walk around the house with it. We are the opposite. We sit down for three meals a day and one light snack after nap (then, now after schoo). When bedtime came DH would make him potty, brush his teeth, a sip of water, read him a book then tell him goodnight. Everything taken care of before laying down. Then once he’s in the bed he was told “no” and to “go to sleep” every time he tried to get up for whatever excuse until he fell asleep. Consistency is key. He grew out of it and now knows he can’t get up until he’s done eating and once he’s in bed for the night, he stays.

Oh and with the phone calls. She used to insist on calling at bedtime every night. He would cry for her because he wanted someone to save him from bedtime so DH just told her she can call on a certain day at a certain time (well before bedtime) so SS will have time to recover. It worked too.

My SD is 10 and she does this all of the time lately. She seems to really get wound up around bedtime. I think it’s normal to miss your mom. She doesn’t remember a time when her parents were together or living in the same house. I believe some of it her not wanting to go to bed and some of it is laying there trying to get to sleep and thinking about her mom.

It is normal.

When DD was with me she missed her dad and when she was with dad she missed me. We divorced she was 4. It’s normal.

My DD is very emotionally close to both of us. Obviously she isn’t scared no more lol as she is grown up but we still cry in airports. My YSD (adult) was just visiting us from out of state and it was hard on everyone when she left: especially her and DH.

Of course it’s different as your SKs as see both parents often but still missing parents is quite normal imho

I think it’s pretty normal, too.

Skid used to this. It was after DH and I moved into our first ‘our’ apartment. It was huge, we had a pool out back, and skid’s room was decked out with anything the average 7 year old girl would wish for. We could run her ragged, spending the entire day outside playing and walking around downtown Anywhere, USA, shopping, and she’s still have an emotional breakdown come bedtime, stating she “missed mommy”. My poor DH, I remember those times.

I feel BM and skid, especially back then when BM wasn’t in a long term stable relationship, had an unhealthy codependent relationship. BM rarely showed interest, or was unavailable, in consoling skid around bedtime. She just told DH “You deal with it.” It was heartless and I really felt for skid. I think she’s in love with the idea of a mom who is one in the verb sense, when in reality she’s stuck with a mom in the noun sense.

I usually just say ‘“I’m Sorry, I miss my Mom too’ if sd seems upset I might ask her if she wants a cuddle. She sometimes also likes to take a photo of her mom to bed with her too.
We also got her the book “I miss you” by Cornelia Maude Spelman that helps explain that missing someone’s is ok and normal and offers some suggestions of things to do when you do miss someone. So sometimes she gets that book out to read.
If it does seem like a tactic to delay bedtime then I would find a short but sympathetic response and then move on with the task at hand.

I’d say he’s manipulating you: