FDH redecorated the house with Skid pictures- ALL OVER
Help!!!!
FDH has been a great help cleaning this weekend. I dusted and arranged things on the built in "book shelf" and went to finish getting dinner ready. AS I'm eating my dinner I look up at the TV, BAM 8x10 of SD16 in a brand new frame staring at me on broad display...........#1 I had already dusted and rearranged things to my liking- FDH NEVER does that, #2 all our kids schools pictures have an assigned place on the wall TOGETHER. nope not SD16, she get's to be on display in the living area all by her special self :sick:
Apparently while I was cooking, FDH re-redecorated the dining room and living room with all his old pictures of skids
I continue to look around, he moved around all of my decorative stuff on the shelves and literally FILLED them with all of his old pictures of his kids- we are talking 15 years old atleast. Now I'm not against a cute baby picture or younger child picture here and there- NO, these shelves all 5 of them from top to bottom are filled with his kids old pictures. On the other side is very few pictures of me and my bio and one of FDH, myself and my bio- not in a frame just sitting there.
How would you take that? I need to know if I'm overreacting :?
I just looked around and started to cry. I'm so upset, not only is this situation beyond difficult to live with now theres even more pictures then there was before all over the house. I CANNOT stand these people, they don't acknowledge me, support our relationship NOTHING but they are up all over the house. Hallways, living room, dining room, shelves filled. I cannot take it.
My bio came out of the kitchen after dinner and noticed right away and called him on it and asked him why there are so many pictures of his family and not her, she counted them. There are 36 of his family and 8 of her and us- 3 of which are in the same frame. She didn't even see the display of SD16's picture next to the flat screen.
He's already on his defense- How am I supposed to feel like this is my home too? He's so offended I don't want old ass pictures up all over the house of his kids.
FML
I hate this life
no you're not
no you're not over-reacting..I would have lost it....there needs to be balance...equal showing I guess of each child...no one more than another unless I think a graduation picture or something...I would take down all the ones over the ones of your daughter to make it even. No child should be made to feel less important in her own home. I would have a hard time personally looking at the pictures of my SS...it makes me cringe because of the issues I have with him but I do have pictures of him up...it's still his son. See if you can compromise either add more pics of your family or take down some of his.
I would say 'no way'. Even if
I would say 'no way'. Even if I absolutely loved the little darlings (skids and/or bio-kids) to pieces, I do not and would not live in a shrine to any of them.
How distracting. I want to see television when I look at tv, not a kids face. I never thought this was a 'great' place to put photos to begin with, so I might really over react to a 8x10 smiling back at me. A bookcase lined with photos? Nope. Books and a few tastefully placed objects of décor. Row after row of smiling faces, just wouldn't work for me, regardless of the face of which person it belonged to. I have my personal photos in my 'me' room. My desk, recliner for reading blah blah blah, and photos on one wall. A wide variety of faces and current snaps at that. The only not current pics are the deceased family members. Older photos get replaced frequently and the old shots get put in photo box.
Perhaps give your guy a 'special' area to display his photos. Don't make it about 'who' it is, but that who in the h*ll wants that many photos of anybody being their décor. Just as I have my 'me' room, my husband has his own 'me' room. There are times I'm wanting solitude or working on a project not wanting to be disturbed so 'me' rooms for a necessity when we purchased our home. Kids get bedrooms, we have a 'family' room, and both husband and I have our own 'me' rooms. If you don't have the space for individual privacy, at least get through to him that no matter how the picture is you don't want them in every possible inch of the home.
LOL..My DH tried to do
LOL..My DH tried to do this...(NOT as blatant as your DH, but he did want to put up 2 GIANT pictures of SS in the living room. I told him no.
I only have 5x7 pictures and only one picture of each person. Period. I do not like the big giant head shots of anyone and will not have them around our house in the common areas. (especially SS)
(DH has control of the yard and I get control of the house for issues like this)
So he put them up in the office. Which I am ok with.
I would be mad. You are not
I would be mad. You are not over-reacting. I am guess I should feel blessed most of the pictures DH has of SS are the one I took as when he left BM he pretty much got nada. Plus I am the only one who hangs/decorates the house. I have pictures with equal of him and SS, SS, myself and DH if he wants a mass amount of pics of just SS he can take them to work with them.
I remember when we first moved into the house and went to the ship BM's dad served on I told DH none of those pictures would go up in the house as I don't want a constant reminder of her in my home. SS tried to ask if we could hang his patch in a common area and thankfully DH stepped up and said that is something to him and so he should keep it in HIS room.
I totally agree with twopointsofview if he wants a mass amount of pictures like that he should them and a *DH* space not a place where everyone has to interact with them constantly.
I truly feel bad for your child feeling less important seeing all of the pictures of your steps.
Did he do this to get back at
Did he do this to get back at you for something? Lol
This is crazy because I literally had the same exact problem with my DH. We had one of those built in bookcases in our old home and one day, DH filled all the shelves with pictures of SD. I freaked. I felt so anxious - everywhere I looked, there she was lol
I didn't say anything to DH about it because I knew he wouldn't understand and he would turn it into one of the "you hate my kid" fights. So what I did was gradually start moving the pictures around to different areas of the house to find just the right spot, and they slowly started disappearing one after the other lol it took a couple weeks, but eventually things were back to normal. I left some of the pictures of course, but just a few - she shouldn't have more pictures up than any other family member.
He called me today, he's
He called me today, he's upset he made me cry and said it wasn't intentional and he wanted EVERY member of the family to come over and see the pictures of themselves......He said he's taking all the pictures down of everyone and we will only have pictures in the hallway...........
He just doesn't understand and it did send me into an anxiety attack. Everywhere I look is his kids who hate me. I told him I purposely left the shelves the way I did to make room for halloween decorations }:)
He gets home from work before me and said he's taking them down. it just makes me sad that it even has to be like this. He will never understand and continues to say SD16 hasn't said anything or done anything in a long time so he doesn't know why I am holding a grudge..............UGH
BINGO! It all comes down to "you hate my kids" fight
Ugh I feel for you! I think
Ugh I feel for you! I think the halloween decoration idea is great though! Then after halloween, just mysteriously not be able to find the pictures haha
LOL, I'm going to hide them
LOL, I'm going to hide them in a box in the basement }:)
Hide them in the fire place
Hide them in the fire place }:)
LOL! Good one!
LOL! Good one! }:)
We have been living together
We have been living together for a few years. I don't think it's territory thing, if anything I think it's part of his way of dealing with his kids who only come to him when they want something. He probley thinks that SD16 will come over more if her pics are plastered all over??? Who knows what he's thinking. I've added my touch and he loves it be he says I made it "homey". We have a lot of work to do on the house but putting all his old kid pics up that used to be in him and his ex wifes house are not going to be all over my place of peace and comfort!
i think it's sweet he's
i think it's sweet he's trying to balance it out. it does sound like a way of getting her over more, especially since he said he wants them to see pictures of themselves when they're there.
i totally get the "pics that used to be in his his and his ex's house" would make you uncomfortable. what we do is one school photo, with older ones preserved in albums. you could try that - that way yes, she sees her pic up in her dear daddy's home, but he could grab the album when he starts feeling sentimental. and albums are for their protection and preservation, doncha know - you could put that spin on it too
Good for you! There's no way
Good for you! There's no way that would fly with me, however, as a mother of 4 daughters who took lots of pics, I WISH I could display more, but dh would throw a fit. He has 3 grown sons (who I can't stand) and I had to put up an equal number of pics of them. UGH Finding them was tough because as single father, he didn't have many. Two of his sons didn't even have senior pics DONE. (Barely graduated high school in the alternative program.) Anyway, as a mother who adores her daughters, I only WISH I could put more up, but out of love for dh, I don't.
it's like he's trying to
it's like he's trying to assert his dominance and telling you this is the way he wants his life, with a little dash of you thrown in for good measure. he's sorry he made you cry (made him feel a little guilty), but he's holding onto his belief that it's your own fault. he doesn't care that it's your home, too, it's how he wants it that matters. he's not glorifying your life together, he's still living in the past with his preciouses. if I were at the end of my rope, that would have sent me packing.
Nope, you are not over
Nope, you are not over reacting. Time to inform him where the kid pics are located and tell him to either move his there or put them back in storage.
This a tough one.
Yes, I think so. You
Yes, I think so. You definitely cannot tell he's over 10years my senior........
*Update* So He did take ALL
*Update*
So He did take ALL the pics down. Including my special one that was expensive of just my daughter and I when she was 5...........
I see the game he's playing.........two can play that
*side note- I hope no one bashes me for this and I'm not sure if I ever would do this but the thought has crossed my mind (just bein honest), Have any of you ever threw some pics away, or hid them where you know they won't resurface for a long, long time??????
Wait til he's at work, then
Wait til he's at work, then get rid of those nasty things. Does he know you're upset?
Yes, he knows. I do however
Yes, he knows. I do however have a plan }:)
Passive aggressive much,
Passive aggressive much, goincrazy's DH??
We had the "pictures" fight too. He got upset that I took down the skids pictures when they quit coming to visit (and SD stopped taking his calls). He wanted me to take down the pictures of my OWN son too (since he was mad at him about him not cleaning up after himself). It escalated to the point that I took down ALL the pictures of EVERYONE (including when we got married) and just put pictures of MY family up in MY office.
Skid pictures are in a box in "his" sports room. He is welcome to decorate however he likes but I am not doing it.
" just put pictures of MY
" just put pictures of MY family up in MY office."
Heh heh! Same thing here. He has his own "box" that I put all the skid crap in. Haven't heard hide nor hair of all three PAS-outs for years (I'm not crying about it) He actually ripped one of my son's childhood photos in one of his drunken rages. So now all my precious photos are here with me at work in an album or up on my cubicle walls (he's never visited my work--he has no interest in it)
I do have a photo I printed off of the BM's FB site with her in a "scolding" pose that I meme-ed.
"Keep Working Hard--I depend on that CS for my bi-monthly vacations"
Ah yes, the "shrine." I'm
Ah yes, the "shrine." I'm waiting for that someday. I'm very much a person who loves photos------IN SCRAPBOOKS and not on the walls. I will suggest this but after 10 years of constant remodeling between two houses, I expect one day he will want to rebuild his shrine of his ungrateful, PASed out oversized underachievers. And I will vomit. He should have a man cave to build his shrine in if at all possible. Or a scrapbook.
"DH there is much more room in this scrapbook; we could put some of these photos in here and I'll add a few--there's just too many frames to dust. . ."
Make him dust his shrine daily as well and come up with an ALLERGY to dust--until he relents to the scrapbook. This would work on someone somewhat reasonable--not in my case though.
"*side note- I hope no one
"*side note- I hope no one bashes me for this and I'm not sure if I ever would do this but the thought has crossed my mind (just bein honest), Have any of you ever threw some pics away, or hid them where you know they won't resurface for a long, long time??????"
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I wouldn't do anything to his stuff you wouldn't want him to do to yours.