My mistake
DD10 told me that SD8 had physically jumped on her. I spanked SD8. Later, I found out that DD10 had lied about the entire thing. SD8 had done nothing to DD10. Now, what do I do? How do I discipline DD10? What do I do about SD8? Both children live with DH and me. Neither BM nor BF are in the picture at all.
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Apologize profusely, punish
Apologize profusely, punish your DD and make her apologize to SD, and never spank a child that is not yours again.
Good advice, except I am the
Good advice, except I am the only care-giver SD8 has. There has been no contact of any kind with BM in over 6 years. BF/DH has left the discipline of both girls up to me. Of course, I have apoligised to SD8 and have both spoken with and taken away priviledges from DD10. Thanks for replying.
Agree! SD deserves a treat.
Agree! SD deserves a treat. DD should be punished for lying and for getting SD in trouble.
I have spoken at length to
I have spoken at length to DD10 about what happened. I think DD10 is resenting SD8 for taking up so much of my time. For years, DD10 got most of my attention because she had multiple operations for a bone defect she was born with. Her surgeries were done 200 miles away at Scotish Rite Hospital in Dallas, so the two of us had to take trips to Dallas to have the work done. Now that DD10 has completed her treatments and no longer needs my undivided attention, I am spending more time with SD8. And DD10 was resenting it, I think. Anyway, I think DD10 now understands what is going on. Things seem to be better. Thanks for the advice.
Agree, apologise. There is
Agree, apologise. There is nothing better than explaining to a child that you too are human, you made a mistake and that your sorry...nothing wrong with admitting a mistake.
Thanks. It was a really bad
Thanks. It was a really bad mistake on my part. Usually, I do not spank my children, neither DD10 or SD8. And although it only was a couple of spats on the bottom with my hand, I still feel horrible about what I did. I will not be repeating this mistake.
Punish the 10 year old.
Punish the 10 year old. Apologize profusely to the 8 year old and do something special for her. The punishment for the 10 year old might include something she has to do for the 8 year old like make her bed. I would also try to be creative to come up with something that helped the girls get along with each other so they do not view each other as enemies.
I agree. And although the
I agree. And although the spanking was only two swats on the behind with my bare hand, I should not have done it. I will deal with DD10. My worry is with SD8. This little girl loves me as I am the only mother she has. I think the best thing I can do is to spend a bunch of extra time with her, just the two os us. Thanks for your input.
Absolutely make dd apologize.
Absolutely make dd apologize. And never, ever spank any child you have no legal rights over ever again. And hope and pray no teacher at school or any other adult outside the family hears about this. While you didn't have bad intentions, the wrong person could learn of this and report you to cps or the cops.
SD8 just kept on, over days,
SD8 just kept on, over days, that DD10 had lied. She was so insistant that I began to wonder. So, I started to badger DD10 about what had happened. DD10 finally admitted what actually had happened. Boy! Have I learned a hard lesson.
I am through with spanking. I
I am through with spanking. I learned my lesson. Usually, I do not spank, and although it only was a couple of spats on the bottom with my bare hand, I am never doing it again. My mission now is to repair my relationship with my SD8 and to make certain DD10 understand what she did wrong. Thanks.
Oh my god. I'm so over these
Oh my god. I'm so over these spanking posts. Stop HITTING children. Duh.
I happen to agree with you.
I happen to agree with you. Usually, I do not spank, not either DD10 nor SD8. And although it only was a couple of swats on the bottom with my bare hand, I still feel horrible about what I did. It was a mistake that I will not repeat.
I agree that the best example
I agree that the best example you can set right now is to fess up when you do something wrong. You need to tell SD that you were wrong and you are admitting it to her because thats what adults do. Ask her for forgiveness (whether she accepts or not) and then let her decide what should wants as amends. Definitely make DD apologize and also do something for SD. This is how the world works, no matter who you are if you wrong someone you should try your best to make it right.
Apologies if I am wrong, but
Apologies if I am wrong, but isn't the OP the new user who has been all "love your Skids like they are your own blah blah blah" all week?
VERY pro skid and anti SM?
Just saying....
k going to be less subtle
I think a lot of people just
I think a lot of people just don't like spanking.
This is a real and honest
This is a real and honest post. I did not jump right in with my problems at first because I was not certain what kind of responses I would get. To those who made solid suggestions and supports, I thank you. You have given me some good ideas.
I only have been making
I only have been making suggestions on a open forum. I thought that was what this site is for. And I do stand by my belief that love is better than hate when it comes to children. Both BKids and SKids.
Actually, I do believe we
Actually, I do believe we should love our SKids as we love BKs. Over the years, I have practiced what I preach. Since I am the only mother SD8 has ever known, I do love her and want us to continue to be a family. I made a mistake and am looking for suggestions as how to correct my mistake. I will continue to advocate loving SKids as our own.
I am a SM to SD8 and have
I am a SM to SD8 and have been for almost 6 years. And I do love her as I do DD10. I am the only mother SD8 has ever known. BM disappeared off the face of the earth almost 6 years ago and left DH and me to raise SD8 without her input. Not everything is perfect, but I have been lucky in that DH supports me, totally. And I think not having to deal with BM has made a difference.
I don't believe in spanking,
I don't believe in spanking, and IF the OP were true - the OP obviously does believe in spanking therefore I would recommend that the DD got spanked as well.... as having to apologise to the SD and probably do a service for the SD for a while.
Personally, wouldn't have spanked the first child so wouldn't be spanking the actual naughty one either.
And yes Sue that was exactly what I was thinking this was about.
I did not go against my own
I did not go against my own advice. I do try to treat my kids, both BD10 and SD8, equally. I am the only mother SD8 has ever known. BM has not been in the picture at all in about 6 years. The only love and discipline SD8 has ever gotten has been from me. The reason I posted about this is because I realized I had made a mistake and was seeking suggestions as to what I should do now. To those who made suggestions, I thank them. They gave me severl really good suggestions.
If you try to treat the girls
If you try to treat the girls as equals, why haven't you spanked your daughter yet? That kid lied to you for DAYS. The only reason you found out the truth is because SD wouldn't let it go.
I hope you see this at this
I hope you see this at this late date. I overlooked your post. The reason I do not spank my DD is because I do not feel that two wrongs make a right. If I was wrong to swat my SD, then I would be just as wrong to swat DD. Thereby having done two wrongs.
It was not really a spanking. I swatted SD two times on the bottom with my bare hand. Swatting DD would solve nothing.
SD has accepted both my and DD's apology. All she wants in the form of something special is to spend extra time with me. That is easy for me to do. SD really is a great person.
Oh, and I found out why DD lied. Of course lying is not acceptable, but now that I know why she did it, I don't feel quit so badly about what she did. I do still feel badly about what I did.
The BM disappeared about 6
The BM disappeared about 6 years ago. We have not heard from her in all that time. I am the only mother SD8 has ever known. I made a mistake, and was seeking suggestions as to what I should do next, since I never have been in this situation before. Several people made really good suggestions, and I thank them.
Thanks for your response. I
Thanks for your response. I came here to seek answers to help me with what I realize was a mistake. The spanking actually was two swats on the behind with my bare hand. And yet, I feel as though I made a mistake. I am the only mother SD8 has ever known, her BM disappeared completely about 6 years ago. So, I am the one who disciplines her. And I do firmly believe that I should love SD8 just as I love DD10. My view on that has not changed. Again thanks.
"Strap to her ass?" No, I
"Strap to her ass?" No, I swatted her twice on her bottom with my bare hand. Still, it was a mistake. In the six years I have raised SD8, this is the first time I have touched her. I love this child, probably because I got her when she was so young and I am the only mother she has ever known. Thank you for your imput.
Actually, I have been a bit
Actually, I have been a bit overprotective of DD10 over the years. She was born with a hip problem which caused one of her legs to be two inches shorter than the other. She has had multiple operations at Scotish Rite Hospital in Dallas, Tx, in order to correct the problem. When BF learned of the problems she had and what we were going to have to go through to correct the problems, he did not want the responsibility and left us. She will have to have one more operation when she is 12, and then the doctors have said she will be as good as new. This has been so hard on her that I hate to see anything cause her further harm. I post this not as an excuse for swatting SD8, but as an explanation as to why I overreacted. It won't happen again, for I really do think that SD8 is entitled to my love and my care. Thanks for your input.