Missing
I find myself missing dh and sd. It sounds crazy but I raised sd and her sister for 10 days at a time while he slept in bed. I took care of dh and his dd and helped her through her rages. I feel like all I gave to them is unappreciated. He would get jealous and his mom would too when sd would want to spend time with me alone during a visitation. One Christmas we went to his parents house and my dd was 11 at the time. They had a million gifts for sd to open and one 25$ gift card for my dd. My dh used to yell at me whenever we were at his parents house and his mother used to call me by BM name. So what is there to miss and feel awful about? He told me I ruined his life by leaving him.
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I was a step mom previous to
I was a step mom previous to my current marriage. That was actually how I found this site. It was an awful and traumatic relationship that turned abusive.
After the dust settled and the calm sank in, I found myself thinking and wondering and missing the good times. There weren't many but I was focused on those for a little while. He would call and tell me that he would do anything to put our family back together and that all he wanted was his wife back. That even if it meant that I stayed in my lease for a year and we started over and dated, he would do it. (This was of course a lie and my thinking for just a moment that it could be better led me being escorted out of a restaurant to my car by the owner and bartender to keep him away from me but that didn't stop me feeling empty for a while)
This site and the people on here gave me the encouragement I needed to leave and being able to go back and read by blogs was so therapeutic. I should have done that anytime he called. I should have read a blog before I picked up the phone. I should have never allowed those thoughts to enter.
YOU didn't ruin his life. He did. He ruined things by being a crap husband. YOU deserve happiness and respect and kindness from your partner.