My husband is hurting my children emotionally and I feel responsible
I am not sure that I am entering the correct blog. I am a step parent of two however, I am not having a problem with them as they are adults at this time. My issue is with my husband who is a step parent to my children of which only two remain home. Although he adopted my two youngest boys, he still remains a step parent as he refuses to maintain a relationship with them particularly with the youngest who has been in his life since he was 3 years old. My husband has been mean and disrespectful to us all. He is at the point now where he won't interact with us on any occasion. He very seldom says anything to my children and it is just a bad situation as they are very angry with him as well. His reasoning is that he thinks my youngest who is 16 is lazy and doesn't want to do anything. My youngest son is a junior in high school. He also attends a state college in a dual credit program as well as works 15 - 20 hours per week. He doesn't ask me for anything. He does everything I ask him to do as well as purchases whatever he needs for himself. My husband and I are both unemployed however, we are trying to maintain a business I started a year ago. I believe my husband is depressed as we both have been unemployed for 3 years. We went to family counseling. The counselor told my husband after meeting with our son multiple times, that our son is good kid, he doesn't get in trouble and he is not disrespectful, however he is suffering from depression. I am at my wits end on trying to remedy this situation. I feel I have to get me and my children out of this relationship in order for them to have healthy relationships in the future. I need advice.
My children are very hurt and angry with him because they love him but he refuses to be their dad. He won't eat with them or interact with them in any way. He is destroying our relationship. This has been going on for the three years that he has been unemployed. It is not our fault.
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dmjones, What was going on
dmjones,
What was going on before he lost his job?
This site has been a godsend, and you'll feel the same welcome as I have. If the site ends up making you feel bad or as if you are going against yourself in some way, then it would not be the right site. If you feel like you gain things that are helpful and nourishing, then the site may be part of what you need. I hope it brings you even a fraction of what it has broght me! : )
Hi, I hope s the poster above
Hi, I hope s the poster above says you find help and comfort on the site. I found someone very special who has helped me enourmously and I hope you find a friend here too.
You say the counselor says your husband is depressed, and from what you say he may be severly depressed, have you spoken to your doctor about medication for him. I realise your husband may resist, but you need to go yourself if he does. Talk to your doctor and see what he can suggest for you. I hope this all turns out well for you and your family.
I appreciate your comments.
I appreciate your comments. My husband won't admit that he is suffering from depression. I will however take your advice and perhaps make an appointment for him to go to his family doctor and try to bring it up in discussion as he gets a physical. I am almost scared for him to take medication as he may not like the effects and not take and then be worse than before. I will however take your advice into consideration as I move forward with a plan to help my family.
Thank you so much for your concern. I appreciate your input tremendously..
Hey, Emo : ) I, too, hope I
Hey, Emo : )
I, too, hope I was able to convey that this site is so helpful and supportive. I've also been so pissed tonight about my own situation that my holiday hostilities are ringing throughout all my posts, ha ha ha!
Think about your kids first.
Think about your kids first. Get them away from your husband.
Do not allow him to continue to hurt your kids.
Sorry to hear you are going
Sorry to hear you are going through this and more so for your family and kids. If your husband is depressed he should definitely seek help , the impact on your kids however is the most IMPORTANT factor and if I was in your position, I would take my kids out of that environment because its not healthy at all. Even if you continue to support your husband through these hard times, I would do it in a manner where my kids are not exposed to this ill treatment on an ongoing basis. If he decides to get help and clean up his act, then talks of reconciliation will resume until them, it has gone to too far and caused too much damage to subject yourself and your kids to this.
Good luck
dmjones, It may help if you
dmjones,
It may help if you visit the doctor beforehand if you can by yourself and explain to the doctor what is going on at home as you see it. Your husband probably does not realise how bad he is and how bad things are for you and the kids.
Please do not worry about medication, these days they can treat depression very well. I would be more worried about the effects of the depression going untreated. I do not want to frighten you or dump anymore of a load on your already overloaded shoulders, but untreated this can lead to suicide and even worse. People have been know to do horrible things to their families when depression spirals out of control.
I have suffered from depression many years ago, and trust me, you do not think straight, you do not stop and think, if I kill myself what will that do to my children, will my partner / my kids find my body. You do not think of anything like that. You are just in this black hole and death looks pretty damn good from inside there. I was on medication for 18 months, that was almost 20 years ago, today's meds are even better I beleive. But the only side affect I had was weight gain. But I was so happy to be feeling normal I wasn't too fussed about the weight gain at all. In fact when the doctor wanted to start taking me off I cried. I cried when he said I had to go on them, and I cried when he said he wanted me of them. I was afraid to go back into the depression, I would rather be fat and happy. However, over a few weeks I was off the medication, and as I said I have never looked back and that was over 20 years ago. Please get some medical help.
Good Luc.