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PLEASE just leave us alone!

Dee's picture

Submitted by Dee on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 4:30pm

I haven't posted in a loooong time, but try to keep up with what's going on as often as I can. I know some of you guys are going to give me a reality check on my post and that's OK with me. This is my emotional self vs. my rational self at war here, so here goes...

In trying to bond with my SD7, I have introduced her to riding lessons (she and I both LOVE horses), something that is kind of "our" thing. I take her every weekend for the 2 hours and probably enjoy it as much as she does. The stable has a small horse show at the end of the class, which is coming up this weekend. Last night SD calls DH and requests he send BM info on the show so BM can attend. Understand that I do everything within my power to have absolutely nothing to do with the BM. I do not go on the pick-up / drop-off, do not speak with her on the phone, etc. I'm not happy...

Now I "rationally" understand the SD wants her mom there. The SD is excited about being in the show and wants the important adults in her life to witness this event. The "emotional" side of me is dreading this and it's to the point I don't even want to attend now, which I know is selfish. I understand that is not fair to the SD as she wants everyone there, but that doesn't change how I feel.

A good friend of mine suggested I go with bells on and show all my love and affection to my DH and SD to basically rub it in the BM's face. To take full advantage of the situation. I'm not one to back down from a challenge, but having the BM there has ruined the excitement I had for the event. It's something SD and I have together and it taints it having her there.

Selfish, selfish, I know. Lay it on me Ladies (and the couple of Gents). I have it coming...

Comments

TheBrightSide's picture

Submitted by TheBrightSide on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 4:48pm

Kids are exceptionally sensitive, especially girls, about showing affection in front of BM. Not only should you expect to be ignored by BM, expect to be ignored by SD7 as well. Don't take it personally though. SD7 won't want to acknowledge you in front of BM. My advice....keep on keepin' on. Go to your horse show. Keep your expectations of what will come low. Show your love and affection to DH and SD regardless. You are part of the family. And BM...will always be there.

TheSaneOne's picture

Submitted by TheSaneOne on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 5:04pm

You are the one who got her to that point
thats rubbing it in her face enough
if she shows her arse, walk away, there is plenty of space for you not to stand together and if she tries to stand next to your DH then tell her it would be better if she took her seat elsewhere. Plus. everyone there will know you and not her. She's the outsider in this not you. Plus, I can pretty much say that she will feel more uncomfortable there than you. She probbly doesnt want to go but is because of the dughter, take your camera, take your pics, and dont let her ruin anything for you.

SUNFLOWERGRL's picture

Submitted by SUNFLOWERGRL on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 7:57pm

I know how you feel but I think you should really go and have an awesome time with your SD. This is your bond. So what if she goes. Let her know that you have "special" time together. Besides its all about what makes SD happy. This means a lot to her so she wants the people that mean a lot to be there. I would totally ignore her and have a great time. Don't let her put a damper on your fun time together.

"Still waiting to get my life back"

Dee's picture

Submitted by Dee on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 9:15pm

I appreciated all the comments. TheSaneOne and stepping struck home with the comments about BM being the outsider and possibly being intimidated / hurt by SD and I having this thing we do together. You guys made me look at this an entirely different way and to feel better about going and enjoying myself. To hell with her!! I will try to overlook BM being there, as hard as that may be.

TheSaneOne's picture

Submitted by TheSaneOne on Wed, 02/20/2008 - 5:33am

LOL - it wont be hard with all the other horses asses around Smile Kill em with kindness I say.....all the while planning your next move. Always stay a step ahead Smile Let us know how it goes!

ColorMeGone2's picture

Submitted by ColorMeGone2 on Wed, 02/20/2008 - 7:38am

You gave her daughter something she didn't/couldn't and it's probably going to be just as awkward and hellish for her as it is for you. But hey, you got the man, you bonded with the girl and you enjoyed yourself. Like I'm always telling my son, it's not the final score that matters. It's all the fun you have playing the game. What you and your SD take from this experience won't come from that final show. It comes from the entire experience.

You're not a bad person for feeling this way. It sucks. It really does. But it's also an opportunity for you to be a positive female role model for your SD. You'll handle this with class and you'll do great. At the end of the day, you'll know that YOU gave your SD a precious gift and that should take the edge off of the negative feelings you have about her mother attending.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)