Annoying skids
Sd9 feels the world revolves around her. My dh finishes work on a Friday and goes to pick skids up from bm. Sd then decides whether she is coming that day or not. She will either say yes she's coming for the weekend then on Saturday ring bm and go back on Saturday while sd12 stays until Sunday. Or no she will stay with bm on Friday and daddy can pick her up on Saturday.
We live an hour away from bm so he's taking a 2 hour trip on Saturday and a 2 hour trip again on Sunday along with this taking 4 hours out of his weekends this is costing a lot more than it needs to. (I am not paying for it he buys his own petrol)
I know it's not a crazy amount of time or that much money it just seems really stupid to keep doing it every weekend and letting sd9 control the parenting schedule.
I'm wondering whether I should keep out of it as it's not really affecting me (I am disengaged and no money out of my pocket and taking zero of my time) or to ask whether it would be better to ask for every other weekend schedule like my children are on so we can actually have time together and he is not actually going to be missing out on any time with sd9 as she only wants to stay 1 night here. I feel like if I mention it it will be met with an absolute no and a bit of a mood like I'm trying to get rid of them (which I am also doing lol)
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What does the court order say
What does the court order say? If it says that SD9 is supposed to stay with DH from Friday to Sunday, then she stays Friday to Sunday, PERIOD. No she does not get to dictate her own schedule and no BM doesn't get to let her decide. If BM fails to follow the CO, then contempt. If SD, whines and cries, too bad. If SD refuses to get in the car, then she doesn't get to visit DH and will need to wait for her next weekend. Yes, an hour away is a long distance to do four times in one weekend and quite frankly, it is ridiculous.
There is no court order they
There is no court order they agreed between themselves (obviously I had no say) so technically she can make her own schedule and it's not in contempt he doesn't have to pick them up at all and still not contempt it's just when they decide I suppose
I wish I I could like your
I wish I I could like your comment more than once!
you are 100% right!!
NOPE
Do not let a 9 year old control visitation. She will turn into a monster. I lived it. It was shit awful.
Your DH needs to grab his balls and use them. Follow the schedule the lil tyrant does not get a flipping choice. Yo are doing her no favors.
I would keep staying out of it, other than saying to your DH to follow the schedule no ifs ands or buts.
You have a DH problem
1. no CO (always death and a red flag)
2. 9 yr old deciding visitation (sounds highly scripted by the HCGUBM)
3. no date night (let me guess; does he say "we see enough of each other during the week?")
4. checking with BM on EvERyThINg, giving her the power (again always death and a red flag)
Yeah if there is no CO,
Yeah if there is no CO, either he needs one or he needs to set a more realistic schedule that forces SD to stay for both days or not come at all.
If DH refuses to stop enabling this, then you need to disengage. Let DH drive all over and make him take both kids when he does it. SD12 is there to see him so she can go with him to drop off SD9.