Annoyed......already
I sponsored my husband who is also my soulmate. I love him to pieces! I sponsored him and his 7 year old daughter a month ago. When i met my husband in his country while attending a funeral we knew right away we were meant to be. We got married 1 month later. He has 3 daughters but has full custody of one (the 7 year old). She loves me and called me mommy right away i guess because she never really knew hers. When i would go and visit i would bring her things like she was my own. I noticed that he wasn't involved in her life as he should be, his mother took care of her. Now that they are here with me and my 10 year old son and our newborn baby girl i find that i am the only one taking care of his daughter. He neglects her so much and says that she is dumb and she makes him sick!
Ok she is very annoying.. But she is a sweetheart. My son hates the fact that shes here (they met before when he would come with me to travel and see them) he wants her to go back. Honestly i can understand that, she is very needy and talks WAY too much! Cries for EVERYTHING but when her father is around shes quiet as a mouse. When you ask her a question she will stare at you or look away and not say a word. This makes me so irritated because its like shes fake. She is terrified of her father (he's loud and mean to her) and anytime she wants something as simple as water she will pass him and ask me, doesn't matter if I'm busy and her dad is just watching tv. I feel i made a huge mistake sponsoring her because im the only one who is taking care of her, and i resent her because she is really annoying to me.
My husband says i let my 10 year old get away with everything, that he's always right. Thats not true i discipline my son, and he's a good kid hes an extravert and will speak his mind, we can talk about anything a total opposite from his step sister. He's annoying too when he doesn't keep his room clean or he neglects something i've told him to do, and i'll be the first to say that. My husband wants me to treat him like he treats his daughter??? No way! Im just annoyed and frustrated. I cant even talk to him about it without him cutting me off. So annoying.
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You had a child and married
You had a child and married this man after a month?!?
Sometimes, taking things slow can show you who and what people really are. Your MIL was taking care of SD, and now you know why.
Just, please, please, don't let this man ruin your relationship with your son.
Also, and I ask this respectfully... you have a man who only has custody of one of 3 of his previous child, is "loud and mean" to her, neglects her so much, says she is dumb, AND she makes him sick... BUT YOU HAD A BABY GIRL WITH HIM?!?
WTF am I missing here?
Lol you had to be there.
Lol you had to be there.
Actually before i met him he
Actually before i met him he was a wild child. He is very ignorant and i tell jim that all the tine! I always say " all you know how to do is impregnate peoples daughters". He laughs about it,, but where he is from thats their mentality unfortunately. I know this because thats also my culture my parents and older brother are from his country. I always said i would never marry a man from there because i know the characteristics and mentality all too well.
I told him i wont be taking care of his other daughters they can come visit but im a career focused woman i wont be pregnant and barefoot on the kitchen taking care of all his one night stands offspring
Wow. Its not that serious
Wow. Its not that serious really. Hes just an ignorant Caribbean man. Thats really the issue. Where he is from its the best thing in the world to have many children. Him having one in his custody makes him feel like a great father, but in all actuality hes not because he left her up to his mother. He has 6 other brothers and all of their children are being taken care of by his mother. Yes its pathetic and im not dumb. My culture is the same as his, my parents and older brother are from where he is from so im familiar. Doesn't mean i agree with his ignorant behavior, i always said i would NEVER marry a man from that country because i know what it entails. Which brings me to why hes my soulmate. I dont have to write a long list explaining why, but i am a very spiritual individual when you know that your prayers have been answered you just know. Nothing is perfect so yes i do get irritated and look up related issues on google, end up venting on a forum. For the record i actually am the pants in this relationship. He loves me tremendously may be a little more than i love him. He gives me his pay cheque and massages he cooks for me and plain ol treats me like a Queen. This blended family thing is honestly the only issue i see thus far. Our in laws love us and we love them. I say soulmate because even though we are so different we mesh very well. But your right i do have to learn how to work out our difference in thinking and how we've been raised. Thanks for your reply
This poor kid is terrified of
This poor kid is terrified of her father because he's mean to her and neglects her. The reason she's annoying, whiney and demanding is because she's being emotionally abused by her own father and it sounds like she sees you as her security figure. She will grow up with serious emotional/behaviour problems if he's allowed to continue treating her like this and that's not right. He's now demanding that you treat your son the same way, and I wonder how long it will be before he starts being mean to your baby daughter. This man is not your soulmate - he is a selfish bully who doesn't deserve to be a father. If you insist on staying with him, you will end up with three very unhappy, very disturbed children who deserve better than this. I hope for the sake of those poor kids you take the advice of all the other posters who urge you to get rid of him. Do it for your children and get the authorities involved to make sure that your poor sd either goes back to her grandma (if grandma cares for her properly) or is taken to a safe place where she can be cared for without being abused.
You are right she depends on
You are right she depends on me. I give her the love and attention but im only human and i do think shes annoying. Im going to continue and encourage her today i helped her study for her spelling test tomorrow and she did great. When her dad came around i whispered lets do it again so dad can see. She was so nervous she messed up but got most right i pointed it out to him and he laughed. She loves him a lot i can tell. Once he was play fighting with her ( he does love her, i can tell) i held her hands to fight him back and she started to cry. He got upset and said he's never gonna play with her again. I was annoyed and didnt even want to console her. I thought to myself this little girl is so dramatic!
None the less im gonna be there for her because i want her to grow up to be a confident woman some day. When he says mean things to her honestly they are true. I have to force myself to tell him not to say that about/too her. He will listen to me.
A) the child has
A) the child has been.uprooted from her home and country been with you for a month? Are you seriously thinking there wouldnt be adjustment issues? I had dated my dh for 2 years and we had adjustment issues for 6 mo!
B). Better do research on the culture differences. Some cultures believe that child rearing is women's responsibility.
C). Your child will also go through an adjustment period. He was an only child and now has two siblings that are requiring your attention.
To me this sounds like a difference in cultures. Better figure out how to merge the two and also understand your dh won't change over night.
Is suggest some counseling
I agree with you 100% it is
I agree with you 100% it is cultural differences. Luckily his culture is the same as mine. My parents are from where he is from so i know all too well how they can be. Yes i told him we need to see a pastor. Thanks for your reply
How long have you been
How long have you been together now?
It sounds to me like he is neglectful and borderline emotionally abusive to his daughter (could be way off). Or it could be like other posters said - a cultural difference.
We have been together 2 years
We have been together 2 years now. It is a major cultural difference. I dont even let my kid get away with everything actually. Im the parent who hates nagging so i talk twice and the 3rd time i take away privileges... I also have a mean pinch. My sons father is the one who spoils him. I care about my sons feelings we are friends also. What i dont like about him is hes jealous and selfish and becoming a liar for attention.
If you've sponsored your
If you've sponsored your husband so he could come to your country - I'd threaten him with divorce and deportation if he doesn't straighten up. }:)
Lol i dont want to hang that
Lol i dont want to hang that over his head.. I think thats gonna get old real quick and he'll resent me.
You gave me something to think about regarding my son. His dad spoils him silly and i give him freedom of speech hes used to being the only child so now hes mad when he cant get seconds for dinner anymore because there isnt enough. That makes me sick!!! I gotta make some changes