Stressed Out and deppressed
Good Morning all,
I am new to this blog because I was desperatly searching for a place to vent! To put things quite short and to the point, I am a newly wed with 3 entitled step sons and I absolutely hate it! Before I got married the 2 youngest boys were living with their mother and grand mother which they still do for the school year but most of the summer breaks and school breaks they are here with my husband and I with the oldest. Their ages are 15,10 and 8 and I can't take it anymore! I love my husband and I guess I have feelings for my step children but it's definetly not love! They are very manipulating and I see right through it! My sister and I were raised very humbly and appreciated everything that our parents did, unlike these kids who play one parent against the other for toys, game stations etc. The 2 youngest are constantly telling me stories about how everyhing their mom has or does is better than their dads and I could give a rats behind! I find myself going out of my way to proove to them that I am not competing for their affection well because I'm not! The mother never sees her oldest son being that she lives in a different state and she took the youngest 2 finally just so she wouldn't have to pay child support and dumps them off on my husband for EVERY school break.
My husband takes them because he wants to make it a point of how great of a dad he is but when the kids come I find myself playing the mommy role and cleaning up behind every one, fixing breakfast and lunch to them and babysitting all day because I have a stay at home job while hes out enjoying his freedom at work! I don't like them like that! I don't want kids in my face all day! I have no biological children yet so playing the mommy role is not a small venture for me. I just feel the kids are very spoiled with no manners and are very manipulating and I hate it! Of course my husband doesn't see this, he does everything to appease them out of guilt I guess but I on the other hand am so over them! Yesterday was kind of the breaking point, he was home most of the morning and early afternoon and didn't lift one finger to get meals together or dress them. I am doing all of these things during breaks from work as I work from home and start work at 3am most days so naturally when I clock out I want a nap or break of some sorts. I cooked their breakfast and lunch while cleaning the house, working and washing laundry and then my husband leaves around 1pm for about 4 hours and comes back acting exhausted and asking me to take the kids to "Skyzone" and I instatnly said no! He then proceeds to argue that I am not doing enough and he has no help!
Those aren't my children and I am here to assist not be a full mommy to ungrateful kids! The situation makes me feel very trapped and depressed! He may be living for them but I'm not, I mean after all their mother has the whole Summer free to herself and I'm doing her damn job!
- Danni Girly's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Don’t do it
you work from home he has to get child care out of the home. Tell him either he steps up or you are out of there. Thad what happen yesterday, will never happen again
NOPE!
You are still working, even tho you are at home. He needs to hire someone to cater to them while he is at work; however, it sounds like they are old enough to "fend for themselves" for breakfast and lunch. There is no reason 15, 10 and 8 year olds can not make cereal, sandwiches, etc. The 15yr old can supervise outdoor play.
As far as taking them to skyzone....or anywhere... they are there to visit and spend time with HIM, not you.
Laundry. Don't forget to 8 to
Laundry. Don't forget to 8 to 15yr olds can do their own laundry also.
The three can take turns doing household routine task. Garbage, dusting, running the vacuum. The oldest can be paid, if necessary, and by Dad, of course, to supervise the two younger in doing their task and be assigned the harder/heavier task.
These boys and your SO aren't treating the OP as a 'mother', they are looking to her to be their maid, servant, chauffer and entertainment guide.
Thank you
Thank you for listening to me vent!! I was about to blow a gasket this morning!!
It's good to vent...
But for your sake, also do something! Make some changes. Don't let your SO fool you into thinking "you are being crazy, or selfish".
I have had the talk
Thanks guys, I have had the talk! Some points were well taken and some points were not however we have signed up for marriage counseling that would hopefully shed some light to my feelings. I do want to clarify that the 15 yr old has been out of town for 2 weeks so usually when he is here he does chores however even just with the youngest 2 for the whole entire summer it's just been a bit much! The funny thing is that I always said that I wouldn't date a man with kids because of ths exact nightmare! I don't think people realize the stress!
Once a kid has gone so long without being taught manners and respect its pretty much a wrap once they come your way! I mean the 8 yr old can't even tie his shoes and still wets the bed for crying out loud! I want to try and concieve later this yr but damn! I would be sheilding my little one for dear life against the fear of becoming like his/her siblings! When does rationality set in over a biological clock ticking? I want my own child and I hate to sound selfish but I don't really care for my step kids or the upbringng that they have from either parent. This was all hidden from me before marriage! I'm already imagining the villian that I will seem like from my own child because my husband is a push over most times until he gets super mad and then just snaps which I don't agree with! Can't wait for my counseling sessions!
I understand
Trust me girl, I felt this one. My partner lied to me big time. We were long distance until I moved 5 HOURS away from home to be with him and my two SS. How great of a parent how many rules they have and expectations. When truly he was just agreeing to how I felt about kids and this house is a shit show nightmare and I feel like the guy from punked is gonna jump out and hopefully tell me it's a joke. I have no children I miss my privacy. They have NO RESPECT for other peoples stuff! I almost LOST IT because they thought it would be funny to ruin my makeup and many of my hair products and I get it it's just makeup and hair stuff but it was mine! And expensive! It's not easy to just replace expensive things at the drop of a hat! I do EVERYTHING for them ! Plus pay for almost everything! How did you bring your frustrations up with him?? How did you start the talk? I need help I'm 26 and about ready to lose my shit
Thank u Evil3
That was very nice to hear! I hope that it goes the way that u say lol!
Peeing the bed
Hi! Oh you poor thing. First girl, you aren't going crazy and yes, you were definitely being taken advantage of. Here's my "fly in the soup" though on that... I wonder if part of the problem might be you not speaking up long before you get angry. I do that and am working on it. I found myself overwhelmed and trying to be perfect in everything without breaking. But of course, eventually we all do.
You've said many great points and I can't comment on them all. One thing that stuck out to me was your comment about the 8 year old peeing the bed. That's often a red flag for something going on with the kid. I actually did it for years, even into my teens. Later I learned it was a symptom of some trauma I experienced, and that it is often the case. I remember doing everything to avoid it, but nothing worked and it couldn't be helped. Had I had someone like you who is engaged in the issues, I believe I could have had a better time dealing with what CAUSED it.
Just wanted to mention that For people who didn't ever deal with it, it can seem terribly odd. But it's a symptom of a larger problem that shouldn't be ignored. And I mean by your husband - he's the one who should probably look into it.