Frustrated vent about SD10.
Good lord, do I need to vent.
Yesterday, SD10 got her bottom braces on. BM took her to the appointment and said it took them almost two hours to put them on, yeesh. I guess that's normal though. What is also normal is some soreness that evening/next day, but nothing a good dose of Tylenol can't fix. DH told SD that he would check in with her tomorrow, but it was likely she'd go to school today. She told him, "I'll let you know if I feel like going to school tomorrow or not." Which, kind of pissed me off, but DH said, "Ok, we'll see." She did not go to school one day earlier this week because she said she wasn't "feeling well" but BM told us she was fine by lunch time. Well, this morning, she started crying during her breakfast about how much her mouth hurt and she didn't want to go to school today so DH, of course, told her it was fine and she could stay home.
I was so mad, y'all. It's like DH is afraid to tell her no. Every so often, I think he has a back bone, but then we're right back where we started. God. We both know that if SD went to school she would have eventually been fine. I left our house in a huff this morning and he texted me to ask if I was angry with him. I told him, yes but I want to discuss it later. He said, fine, and we've gone about our days.
Then, I get a text from him this afternoon telling me that SD is going with her Girl Scout troop tonight to some event they have scheduled because she got all her homework done. Why does this feel like she's getting her cake and eating it too?
I just think it's time for me to disengage for a while. I've done it in the past, but I think it's time to do it again. When I disengage I don't spend any time with them when SD is at our house. I make myself scarce and take a lot of time for myself. SD has been super clingy and weird with DH the last few weeks and I'm just about over that too. We're talking hovering around us when we're having a conversation. My personal favorite, was when she opened the door to the house the other day while I was shoveling the porch steps and DH was talking to me about something and I called her out for lurking in the doorway. What the f***. I'm so over it.
I also think SD has been trying to get out of going to school because she's not really having a good time there. She's been telling us about all the drama going on and how much she doesn't like some kids in her class. I'm starting to think she's avoiding going to school just because she doesn't want to. Which is a very SD thing to do. I mean, why would she think she has to do something she doesn't want to, her parents certainly don't make her. It carries over to her school performance too. At least a couple times a year, a teacher complains to BM/DH about SD's behavior in class. It's usually that she shuts down and doesn't want to do what they're doing and isn't finishing her work. Huh. I wonder why??
She's truly in her "spoiled brat who calls all the shots" era and I'm about done with it. DH and I will talk tonight, I guess, but I'm not expecting much change. Why would he change after 10 years of letting SD be in charge this long? I don't know. I'm just frustrated and pissed off with DH and his lack of parenting and unwillingness to say no to SD.
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No offense but bottom braces
No offense but bottom braces can cause a LOT of pain for days if not weeks. I have a daughter currently going through this. Maybe cut her some slack?
This is so true - the pain is very real.
This is so true - the pain is very real. I wore braces almost 50 years ago and I still remember how much pain I was in after they were tightned. I don't know that I ever missed school, but I do know that over the counter pain killers would not make all of the pain stop. The pain can be way more then Tylenol will fix. Everytime they were tightned I was miserable for several days.
I always had a steadfast rule
I always had a steadfast rule: too sick/sore/etc for school, too sick/sore/etc for fun things later in the day.
It soundsl ike your Dh doesn't follow that philosophy and I think I'd be angry too.
edit to add: I'm not saying her mouth wasn't sore from the braces, my granddaughter had a tough time w/ her's too but no school, no fun stuff is my rule.
Agreed! I had braces but
Agreed! I had braces but never missed school because of it. Yes, it can hurt but it didn't stop me. A couple Tylenol and keep active. Too much pain for school but doesn't hurt too much for the fun stuff? Not having it.
when we stayed home sick.. it
when we stayed home sick.. it meant whole day sick.. so fun after school stuff was cancelled too. not being mean.. just how it needs to be if you aren't doing well enough to do your job.. you don't get to play
Agreed with the others.
Agreed with the others. Braces can hurt like you-know-what.
That said, my parents also had a rule. If you didn't have fever or other obvious signs of illness (like upset stomach), staying home wasn't fun. No TV. No special meals on a tray. And definitely no fun stuff.
We just went through "sickness" with SS12. He has acid reflux and got started back on medication that controls it. For a stretch of two months, though, he was frequently coming home from school. Oddly enough, it didn't happen at all on weekends or holidays. In his case, he was struggling in some classes and was avoiding going.
DH nipped it in the bud at our house by making him sit in the living room with us while we worked. No tv. No games. No playing with the dogs. Nothing but supervised homework. That and, when the nurse called once and SS didn't have fever, he told her to send him back to class. He was fine.
It did keep happening at BM's, because her parents would pick him up, take him out for lunch and let him goof off. He nearly flunked three classes.
Then, on weekends, she would take him to Dave & Busters or the trampoline park.
Anyway, yeah, braces can hurt terribly. If she stays home, she stays home. But there shouldn't be anything fun. And there should be an early bedtime.
Oh hell to the F'n NO!
Too sore to go to school, too sore to go to the G-Scout event.
Your DH is a DipshitDaddy.
smh
And WTF is going on that DH lets you shovel snow while you are talking with him as SD lurks? Why isn't the SKid or your SO shoveling the snow.
When we brought SS home from Military School at winter break (he F'd up that opportunity) he had the fun and excitement of 3 record snow storms that Winter. My work team were all talking about their new snow blowers. They asked me if I had picked one up. I told them that my old snow blower was 17 and still worked great, used no gas, and I didn't even have to operate it. They looked at me with odds looks, then I told them he gets his ass out of bed every hour all night long and shovels the drive and sidewalks. Then does the same thing every hour on the hour all day long.
Please tell me that SO was on the phone speaking with you while you shoveled snow.
If not.... get rid of them both.
Please.
In regards to SD
I could have wrote the entire part about my own SD11 so I completely understand and sympathize with you!
Spoiled, obnoxious, nosy, clingy, lazy little brat. Gives minimal effort to everything and will ALWAYS take the path of least resistance and wait for "daddy" to come fix everything for her because he had a very bad habit of never saying no to her for over 8 years until I came in and put an end to it (still struggle sometimes though.)
I struggle with these same things daily and it makes me resent my SD, a LOT. I go through periods of disengagement but it's very hard to witness these things going on in your household and not have a reaction to it, especially when it involves behavior from your partner. I really started putting my foot down and basically told my fiancé if he didn't change the structure and dynamic with SD11 that I would leave. He took it hard at first and got fussy with me but inevitably realized I was right.
Honestly though, I think the damage had been done. Three years later, she's still the same lazy, clingy, dramatic, annoying emotional wreck; if not worse now because of middle school drama.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I don't have any real advice (other than out your foot down with the behavior) because I'm right there with you!
Sending hugs!