The Sound of Her Name- Like Nails on a Chalkboard-
Seriously makes me cringe. I know that SS is only 3 and he probably talks about us at BM's house just as much. But honestly, everytime I hear his little voice "my mommy has that movie" or "I have that toy at mommy's house" urrggggg- I just want to rip my ears off my head. Or when he knows he is going to his mom's and he gets all excited. I know it is his MOM and he loves her unconditionally. I would NEVER tell him not to, but the older he gets, the harder it is to smile and say "oh really, that's nice honey" when what I really want to say is "Oh really, how did she afford that? No wonder she asked us for more money!" The thoughts that go through my head, the things I have to BEG myself not to accidentally say to him, it's a good thing I am not evil!
Okay- Done Venting- For now anyways! 
- Daddysgirl's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I know what you mean...
I have heard that a lot in my dealings with the skids, and I usually suck it up and ignore it. I know it probably sounds childish, but sometimes I can't help but say something smart under my breath. Just for kicks, I'll tell you about this one time...last year, BM was really, really mean to me and said some pretty hurtful things to me. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty resentful. So one Saturday, me and DH and the girls were going to go flower shopping and work in the yard. On the way to buy flowers, DH asks me what do I have in mind. I mentioned a particular thing and the youngest SD chimes in..."mommy just bought some of those and set them out"...and I muffled under my breath "well I hope they freaking DIE!". Ha ha...she didn't hear me, thankfully!
I think it'll get better though - my skids don't bring her up much anymore, and if they do, I really try hard to ignore it. You learn to deal with something that small in time. There are so much bigger issues regarding the ex to deal with - if you stayed upset about every little thing dealing with her, you'd be pissed 24/7!!!
Hang in there!
Grin and bear it
Thank God for this site, huh? It's so hard to always take the high road, I know from experience. I do believe in Karma though - what goes around comes around. You SS will benefit from you biting your tongue and you'll benefit from doing the right thing. And then you can visit this site and say what you NEED to say and be able to let go of it. Glynne
I know whatcha mean.....
That happens every freakin' time they're here..I just smile and say
"Thats very cool!" or " I hope that works out for your mom." I have to constantly build up a woman who treats people like garbage. Yep it is better to take the high road though..Karma and all..Remember that which doesn't kill us.....well it might, but at least we tried to do the right thing. *hugs*
You said it right
I know this too be true, my steps are 12 and 11 and I spend a lot of time with them, not because DAD is a dead beat, unfortunatley he is a shift worker and VISITATION could care less about his hours he work, all they care is $$$$$$$, and this was a job he had even while married to BM, so don't give me the "HE SHOULD LEAVE HIS JOB" he can't. But back to subject, bc I do spend so much time with steps, they talk about me soooo much, so my happiness always comes from the fact that I know while they are shopping, out at the mall, at the house, INNOCENT SD will say "ME and (my name) did that, or we saw that, or we got that at Dad's....I just love it, I know she hates it bc SD has said "Mom said I don't have to mention you all everytime we talk about something" (hahahaahahahaha) too bad you evil witch...talk about us all you want my sweet sd!
It's funny bc she rarely and I do mean rarely ever mentions her mom in our house, and not because the environment isn't condusive, just in case some of you are saying she probably knows she shouldn't be talking about her mom bc you all don't like it, no it's just the opposite, we love hearing about all of BM crazy antics bc it helps our court filings get longer and longer, BM has told her KIDS "Dont be putting our business in the streets, don't tell them nothing about what we do in this house!!!"
"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)
Thanks To ALL of you!
I know that I HAVE to do the right thing, grin and bare it. It is just not the easiest thing to do all of the time. My SS has always had this stronger than steel bond with his mother. Even when DH and BM were married. She would not "allow" DH to take him anywhere... this is HER son and she lets EVERYONE know it. It took a lot just to get him comfortable around DH without BM in the room, then you bring a STEPMOM into the picture. He talks about her ALL of the time. I think that is why I resent it so much. Because she has never "allowed" DH to have a strong role in SS's life and now that she HAS to, SS is so wrapped up in MOMMY'S world that it is all he thinks about. He was not allowed to take him anywhere without her... he couldn't keep him home during the day (he works from home) she didn't "trust" him. So, now that you all know why they are no longer married... he is trying to make up for lost time and we get to hear about MOMMY every day... BLAH! He and I have bonded well, he loves me and allows me to love him... but OFTEN says "you are not my mommy?". Not in a hurtful mannor- almost like a question. Like he is either confused or he is being told that I am not his mommy and he is asking me for reassurance... I just tell him "No, I am your Feeta" (that is what he calls me, he couldn't say Mellissa when I came into his life, he was only one year old). He has a good relationship with DH and excellent bond with my girls. THey call each other brother and sister, rather than by their actual names (so cute). But he still has this incredible (almost annoying) infatuation with BM. I am sure it is as
Jaded said and just a phase... but I wish he would grow out of it already. That's just me being selfish though.
I am so grateful for this site... I would explode if I couldn't vent to you all! And it helps to have third party perspective to smack me back into line when I need it. Despite the urge, I have never said anything derogatory to SS about BM. She is extremely irrisponsible and he will learn on his own that she is a nut case. For now, I have to put up with listening to Mommy this and mommy that...
Doesn't Get Better
Sadly, it doesn't get better! My skids are 14 and 15...and I swear they are still attached to mommy's umbilocal cord. The daughter always calls "mom" and then relays to us what moms doing....serving communion for Ash Wed. or going to a concert that night or party....(who Friggin cares?) And the son never calls her but she'll call him --- for NO reason. Once we were on the golf course, I was just about to putt.....and brrring...It was her calling the son. Just saying hi...whatcha doing??? Miss ya...AGH...
Couldn't we just have one weekend without mention of mom? Or whenever we go out to dinner...For some reason, she and I love the same foods! And I always hear...Oh my, mom likes that too. Now this is from a 15 year old! I love my stepson...I truly do and he's so cute..but I hope someday we can have a conversation that doesn't include mom. And the truth is, his mom is a good lady...not a hateful, evil exwife...So I could like her if she was my neighbor but it doesn't matter.---I don't want to hear her name either!!! No one could even understand how we stepmoms feel...No one. Thanks also for listening.
been there
I really have a hard time with my dh's ex, so when the sd says something like oh my mom has this blah blah, I have the hardest time not flinging it in the garbage. Also when her mom comes up I force myself to say you have the greatest mommy in the world who loves you very much. Yuck, but its what she needs
DJ
That's True
I guess you're right Fearless...Never thought of that. We get talked about to the Bios...How could we not? I have definitely provided them with tons of juicy material to bring home to mama.
Oh, I am sure they do...
She has told me that he talks about us all of the time. And I am sure it gets under her skin just as much as mine... why else would she make it a point to tell SS that I am not his mommy?!?! I just never knew I could feel this way about another person... like the sound of her name really makes my blood boil at times. I am sure the feeling is mutual at times, especially when it is HER son's mouth that my name is coming out of. The water does eventually roll of the ducks back, but not without a few detours under the skin and on to my LAST nerve first...
I dunno...
As the girls got older, they stopped mentioning their mom and stepdad to us as much. My SS still does pretty often, but he's got a lot of developmental problems, so his mental age isn't up there with his physical age. The girls are old enough that they have picked up on how to edit themselves based upon which set of parents they are with. For us, it did seem to decrease a lot as they got older. I always knew when they would talk to their mom about me, though, because I'd get a nasty email. When I get down about our situation, I always refer back to SS's 8th birthday, when he told his BM that he liked Anne's cake better than his Mama's. As much as it gripes us, it should make us feel better to know that they talk about us to them, too.
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
I Agree with that Anne
I have a feeling that as he gets older it will slow down or even stop for that matter. I can hope anyways. He is only 3. I think it is just the icing on the cake though... along with all of the CRAP we put up with trying to make a "normal" life for our step kids... being bad mouthed, nasty emails etc. etc. ETC... then we get to hear about how wonderful mommy is from the one(s) that we are trying so hard to protect and love and create normalcy... it never seems to end.
What a fruitloop
My SD is 10, when she was 7 she told me I was MomB and that her BM was MomA b/c she came out of her tummy! How cute is that?! But when we were shopping for decorations for her 8th birthday party, the clerk said to her Wow, your mommy really loves you, I always let her pick out what she likes, I have 3 grown sons and I lost my own daughter when she was a baby, so I enjoy her so much. Anyway, my SD says to the clerk, oh shes not my mommmy. No biggy, I'm not! When we get in the car, she says, I'm sorry I had to say that but my mommy heard me call you MomB and started screaming at me, got a big knife out and told me to kill her now, cause thats what it feels like when you call her MomB. You'd think BM would be greatful that I'm not a fruitloop like herself!