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NEW here... ss lost his mother

cthmom's picture

Submitted by cthmom on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 1:55am

ok.. so i am new at this but so thankful to get started and hope for some help.. i want to know im not alone!

little bit about my life and whats going on. A little over a year ago I worked at a day care part time after i went to classes. There was this little boy at the day care who stole my heart.. he told me everyday that I needed to ride 4wheelers with his dad.. (ok so im thinking "little kid im sure your mom doesnt like you telling me this. lol) come to find out his mom had passed about when he was 2. after hearing about 4 wheelers from the little boy everyday for weeks i decided to be nosey and look for the dad on facebook (i know, i sound like a stalker!!! you would too if a little kid was telling you about his daddy 24/7 Wink After I added him he sent me a message, we started talking. dating and BAM..3 months later... i was expecting. we got engaged and now have 4 year old and my own son (4 months now) who is my pride and joy...

4 yr old has no memory of his mom. He started calling me "mommy" from day 1 and was so excited to have a litle brother on the way.. I thought it was going to be this perfect family and everything be great.. Along comes my little boy and my fiances family pretty much put their noses in the air. It was all about the 4 year old and its like my baby didnt even matter. They say they feel sorry for the 4 yr old bc he lost his mom and this and that and this and that. It is so sad but im busting my butt for this little boy to be the mom he will never have and instead of appreciating it, my fiances family has nothing to do with my son. I am sure they have a soft spot for the 4 yr old but it hurts me so bad that its like they dont even care about their other grandbaby. I tell my fiance and he just keeps saying they do care (very obvious they dont)

The day I had my son, my fiances grandmother wouldnt even hold him the day she came to the hospital with the family. She said it made her to sad that 4 yr old didnt have a mom so refused to hold my baby, her 2nd great grandchild. I know its terrible he lost his mom but I just want them to care for my son. Its their sons baby and its family. I am having so much trouble dealing with it because I dont want my son growing up being 2nd best to my fiances family.. Its breaking my heart everyday and as my son gets older he will see the way they favorite the 4 yr old and it will literally kill me Sad Sad

of course my family treats 4 yr old like hes theirs and never makes it known that my son is part family.. BUT we live 4 ours away from my family and right here with my fiances family so i have to deal with this everyday Sad Sad

Any kind words would help... I just want to know people are struggling everyday just like me. I want to know I am not alone..

Comments

andy_pandy's picture

Submitted by andy_pandy on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 3:02am

I would have to agree with SBS give them some more time... I know it must absolutely KILL you to see them doing this, and it has to feel dreadfully unfair. But your son currently doesn't know anything about it. All he knows is that he has his Mommy and Daddy and his big brother and that's all that matters to him right now. Everyone else is peripheral, people who are sometimes there and sometimes not.

The birth of your LO may have brought back allot of memories for them all about the birth of their first and from the sounds of things up until your LO was born ONLY grandchild. They are probably very torn right now because as much as they probably love your LO they are probably reliving to a certain extent SS's babyhood and that of course leads them back to the tradgedy that came later.

If the behaviour continues I would stand up and say something, especially as it will after a while begin to affect your LO. But for the time being, keep doing what you're doing, love your SS and keep working towards being the best Mommy you can be to him, keep being the wonderful Mommy your LO knows and build your own little family to be as strong as possible so that it won't matter what ANYONE says you and DP will be infallible.

startingover2010's picture

Submitted by startingover2010 on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 8:59am

my bd3 is looked at as 2nd best by my ex's family, especially his mother. exsd's mother is a deadbeat and exfutureMIL always made it known that sd was better than my daughter, her other granddaughter, and even her 3 grandsons! it's guilt and pity. and it can wreck things in a family.

i am sorry your ss lost his mother but am happy to hear he has taken to you so well. please dont take it out on him--i did with sd to a smal extent but it made things for me even harder. and i wouldnt advise comepensating for your bioson either---keep things as equal as u can and let the boys grow up close and loving eachother, not in competition cause of your fiance's family.

hope everything works out for you!