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OT But Wondering If Anyone Has Ever Experienced An Issue Like This And Can Offer Advice

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 3:35pm

I have a sister that is almost 3 years older than me. She and I have always been pretty close. She is recently divorced and a few months before her divorce she became interested in my husbands best friend. She asked us to set her up with him. DH did not want to get involved so we did not set them up but did allow her to come along with us to a bbq at his home one evening. They started dating shortly after.

DH and I entered counseling about the same time they started dating and it was no secret to either my sister or her new flame that we were having issues with the SK's and BM. About two months after they started dating I had confided in my sister some details about the issues that DH and I were having and I got so emotional talking with her that I told her that if things didnt improve with counseling I was going to make plans to move out.

Weeeelllllllll...to make a long story short, she ended up sharing our private conversation with her new beau and as I said earlier, him being my DH's best friend, called DH and told him all of the things I said to her. This upset DH for obvious reasons. I confronted my sister about it and she had no remorse what-so-ever. She instead basically blamed me for everything. Im still trying to figure out how she could possibly think I am at fault but I havent spoken to her since. DH has also spoken ever little with her boyfriend.

My question is...am I right to be so upset? Would you have forgiven and forgot in a case like this or would you have trouble moving on? Any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 3:41pm

I think you have every right to be upset. It's your sister!!! You trusted and confided in her. She should feel like an A$$. I don't know that I would be able to forgive her right away. I also don't think I would be able to forgive her without a sincere apology either. I would work on your marriage and then worry about your sister. I am so sorry that happened to you.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

sway1's picture

Submitted by sway1 on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 3:42pm

what is with people these days just throwing their own family right under the bus?!
what your sister did was very dis-trusting. I don't know what she felt she would of gained from your talk to run off and tell her bf. i'm sorry your sister has to fell she has to be better than you. ( that is what she is doing)
I do hope that you and your husband are working things out.

HennyPen's picture

Submitted by HennyPen on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 3:43pm

absolutely you have a right to be upset. I have 2 sisters, and if I confide in anyone it's them because it's safe. At least it's supposed to be. how could she betray you like that? I'd be just as upset and not speaking to her either, at least until she apologized. After that I wouldn't tell her anything too personal from then on. Sisters are supposed to stick together, have each others back. Not stab it!

________________________________________________________________
... why would you feel worthless and weak? You gave everything, your entire heart.. giving it to him. To truly give your heart, your trust, is taking the bravest of all risks--C.Young

alwaysme's picture

Submitted by alwaysme on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 6:00pm

I would be upset too, if you cant talk to your sister that who can you talk to? She should never have told her man about these things. I think that the only way to smooth things over with your husband is to explain that you needed someone other than him you could talk to and you made a mistake in trusting your sister. She should be appologising

Soon2bSM2SD's picture

Submitted by Soon2bSM2SD on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 6:40pm

I would be pissed too! You should be able to confide in family, especially your sister. She totally crossed a line and needs to apologize to you.

DISbelief's picture

Submitted by DISbelief on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 6:45pm

I would be upset. You trusted her, and why not..? She is your sister for crying outloud.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Thu, 04/15/2010 - 8:47pm

She's not thinking of you or your best interest. She's thnking with her vagina. Too bad we can't pick our family. I have quite a few great girlfriends that would never repeat anything I said to them. Don't ever give her the opportunity to do that to you again, even if they do break up. She obviously can't be trusted.

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 9:29am

Thanks for all the great words of encouragement. DH didnt think that I should be upset with her because "everyone shares private things with their boyfriend/girlfriend" so I was torn up inside wondering if I was too hard on her. In my opinion, you dont share those things with others no matter what and I would think that she would have known, telling DH's best friend, that it was going to get back to him...the whole "bros before hoes" philosophy!

It has been nearly 5 months now...she did not apologize and I dont think she ever will. It kills me that I have lost her but I just cant even bring myself to look at her!