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Breeding Negativity

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 4:09pm

I have been away from this site for several months now. I have been browsing lately but havent been inspired to blog until reading Pantera's blog today. If any of you remember...My husband and I started a serious effort at "fixing" our marriage several months ago by going to counseling. It was our counselor that recommended that I not visit this site for a while because it "breeds negativity". As a seasoned expert on negativity, let me tell you what breeds negativity:

How about committing to counseling, which after spending $20,000.00 on legal fees to fight his ex, we could hardly afford. How about sitting through therapy for months listening to your husband make promises that he isnt willing to keep. How about making honest changes in yourself only to find out that your husband has been lying to you and to the counselor the ENTIRE time!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen it really did happen. I spent MONTHS in therapy listening to my husband fill me full of a load of crap until one day he gave me a story that didnt sound quite right. To make a long story short, I did a little checking in to it and it turns out that HE'S A LIAR!!! Imagine that! Needless to say, I quit therapy right then and there but wouldnt you know...ITS MY FAULT! I GAVE UP! I guess I should have just turned a blind eye!

So now I sit in a home, with a man in complete misery...Prentend that I can still have the same feelings for him after he has S**T all over me time and time again. Put up with his ex bagging on me for no reason, over and over again...Put up with his kids running my household. And have no idea where to go from here! I hope that this isnt the ending to anyone else's story...I sure as hell didnt think it would be mine!

Comments

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 4:54pm

I agree, I find that this site lets me know that I am not alone with all of the issues. I find that I can get a better perspecive on other people's problems, which in turn makes me more introspective. I allowed things to get on top of me, I now feel a whole lot better and I hope everyone else here manages to overcome difficulties too.

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 4:40pm

do you and dh have kids together?

(((hugs))) dh and i have been arguing alot lately too, come to find out that ive been moody because i have a large tumor on my thyroid, and most likely thats why i havent gotten pregnant, and why im loosing weight Sad i still dont understand why we do this to ourselves

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 7:04pm

SMNikki... I am so sorry to hear about this diagnosis. Are you okay? Are they giving you medication to shrink the tumor, or are they going to operate?

My thoughts and prayers are with you .. Hope you feel better.

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:28pm

just found out friday, golf ball size tumor on my thyroid. getting my blood work results today...ultra sound and biopsy next friday. its doubled in size over the last two months...i didnt realize that the bump there was abnormal till it got so big!

dh and i joked before that it was an adams apple, and my parents just made me a nikki instead of a nick....but not the case, lol

my mom pulled some strings, thank god, my family is well connected, and i will be seeing the best thyroid doctor in the area..who will also assist with and fertility issues effected by my thyroid, if there are any!! we are very positive, just the waiting sucks!

i told dh he better tell bm no drama or bull shit, because there is nothing more powerful that a woman fighting to stay positive when her ability to have babies is in question. and if she causes any shit, i will charge up my credit card and hire the nastiest bull dog lawyer and squash her like a bug! Smile

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 8:11am

He has two children and I have one. He has made it perfectly clear that, dispite my wanting to have a child with him, he does not want any more children. Too bad he waited to tell me this until AFTER we got married.

smnikki's picture

Submitted by smnikki on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:15pm

then besides a bunch of crap it seems there is nothing tying you together. im not sure how long you have been married, but to me it seems that at some point of personally giving it all youve got, you need to take care of you!!!

sometimes i think this tumor was god trying to tell me that even though im so badly wanting to be pregnant, i need to wait until im sure i can endure all that comes with marring dh. i cant imagine doing to a child that i give birth to, what ss is put through.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 4:46pm

Breeding Negativity! Isn't that what our SOs did with their Xs? Isn't that why we are Sparents?

Because of breeding negativity? Or is that negatively breeding?

Ha! I crack myself up. Biggrin

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

TheWife's picture

Submitted by TheWife on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 12:24pm

Oh that gave me a good chuckle...

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

usade's picture

Submitted by usade on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 4:48pm

Ditto on goforit's post. Had I not found this site, I would have left my situation, and it's only just begun. It takes a lot for me to "look for help", but I do when I NEED it. I read almost everything, even if it doesn't apply to my current situation...as preparation for what may come. I also read to be able to better notice warning signals.

As far as breeding negativity...maybe because some women/men do choose to leave their situations...I take it as strength-building. It sometimes takes more character to leave than it does to stay.

Rainbow.Bright's picture

Submitted by Rainbow.Bright on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 5:02pm

I'll tell you what's negative, listening to everyone in the world tell us we aren't good enough, aren't nice enough, not motherly enough, too motherly, too controlling, not controlling enough, not understanding, not supportive, too self centered and the list goes on and on and on.

People actually expect a stepmother to be Jesus so everyone else can be a human and shat all over us. I say KISS MY NEGATIVE ARSE!

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 8:18am

I agree with you completely! The only problem is that they would have us believe that we should suck it up and take it. Any negativity that we have to offer is unacceptable but we are suppose to take whatever they dish out and deal with it. That was what kept me from going to counseling sooner. I thought that my husband didnt want to change. That he only wanted to go so that I could change my outlook and "find a way to deal with what was happening". He tried to convince me that was not the case but it turns out I was right.

usade's picture

Submitted by usade on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 5:15pm

AMEN!

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Wed, 03/03/2010 - 6:30pm

You tell 'em Rainbow - I loved that-!!! thanks Smile
_________________________________________________________
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 1:33am

I am sorry about what you are going through...here is what I will say on the "site brings negativity"...

Ah, at jobs bosses normally hate employees who complain because it brings "negativity" into the work environment...well, that's what they tell people anyway...you know what it actually brings? It brings TRUTH to employees...and bosses don't really want TRUTH at the hands of their employees...

In the website case, this site bring TRUTH to our stories...of course it's not convenient to many men out there...much less to a counselor who makes her money off your misery...cause you know, once you find a way of coping, once you find a way of saying "I can't believe I am putting up with this crap because others who are/have been in my shoes think YOU DH are crazy too"...well, guess what, you found truth and heaven forbid you do...

So, there you go...too many out there with their "let's not talk negative, let's be positive about being an SMOM, blah, blah, blah..." There is very LITTLE that is positive...obviously not everyone has the same degree of nightmare from becoming an SMOM, but we all do have some degree of nightmare...and then well, we could figure out that it's all over the place...that some women have stood up and gotten better results in their relationships that those who didn't...and the ones who didn't get better results had enough support from others to say, "GET OUT OF MY LIFE NOW!"

So, peace to you...I hope YOU find your truth...

PS - the counselor, wow, pay thousands and she couldn't see that DH was lying? Wow, gotta love it...Next time, sit and talk to DH, move the money to your own account and get yourself a massage every other day...that might help more... Smile

CrystalRE's picture

Submitted by CrystalRE on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 8:20am

Let me mention that my husband is a mental health professional. He is an expert at manipulation when it comes to those things because he does it for a living. I should have known better!