Hello all!! I am so very glad to have somewhere to come too! People who understand. I have two step sons ( 11 & 13). My husband and I also have a daughter who is 5. Everything was going reallllllly well up until we moved to the same town with BM (note: had to go to the forum for abbreviations :).)

Background.. my husband and the BM, divorced two years before he and I got together. However when he and I met, she was best friends with the MIL, which was very hard to deal with. In fact when he and I did get pregnant, the MIL CRIED, (came to the hospital to see his THIRD child and my first) and decided to tell DH that she was NOT his. Which was devastating to me (obviousley) I am a natural brunette with hazel eyes) He is blonde hair and blue eyed.. AND SO IS MY DAUGHTER. Besides that... I am NOT "that" girl.
His boys would stay with us, every other weekend. He worked nights when we met, and A.) the thought of dating a man with kids scared the HELL out of me, but B.) DID not concern me, but every other weekend. We moved in together, 20 miles away from his kids, and BM which lived with HIS parents at the time.. (yes i am STILL HERE) was upset. His mother and I did NOT get along... to bring you current.. we now live 5 miles away if that, and the "boys" are here 75% of the time.

I have read thru alot of the blogs on here and I may be one of the few about my complaints against my DH. The BM and DH talk no less than 5x a day, and I have seen text logs of 50+ in a day. He has showed them too me, however she has instigated them, and they were pointless, and remained about the kids. (side note: she is remarried to a man with 4 kids ...(yea..i know))).

Current: I feel in the background of EVERYTHING. I suggested that they be on a schedule as to when they come over....and i get the "if they call to come over, i will NOT tell them NO"....so they are here, whenever they want...(they call ALL shots)... If they happen to fail a class... they may get grounded, however they still play whatever sports they are into. (they are 11 & 13). So this past week, they decided to go up to a local grocery store and STEAL some stuff (mechanical pencils and other things), so the BM grounded them...(in her terms this means you come home strait from school and do chores), well DH is SET on "whatever punishment their mother gives to them, we should do here, NO MORE"... which means, yes i can ground them and make them do "chores" but they are already required to do those here. So DH doesnt think they should be grounded from games, or anything else. (i disagree) B/C BM has already punished them. Okay they STOLE, not didnt do their homework.

So i am trying to be a good step mom here, i have counseling set up for me on Dec. 8th. I can NOT deal with this anymore. (which is weird because we have been together 7 years) ALL HAS CHANGED since we moved.
I have no say so- when they are over, no say so in disipline, no say so grades, and no say so- in what movies they can watch. (we rented a movie Tues night, and all of us watched the first 10 min. and I decided it was inappropraite.. so DH watches it alone, and decides it's okay, and they see it anyways..and tell me when i get in from the office last night.

I am at the biggest loss ever... please help me understand..