So the SDs haven't been with us for much time the last several weekends and I've hardly seen them during the week. This is after DH's "definitive going to change things statement."

I gave him benefit of the doubt, with reservations. Annnnnnnnd I'm still out.
All of this happened last night in the course of only 3 hours.

Yesterday he and BM decided SD14 could travel with me on part of my commute. No choice in the matter for me b/c we're on the same vehicle. She's dropped off, BM texts me a couple times, I let her know when SD14 finds me. No thank you, nothing more from her.

Meanwhile, DH texts me that he hopes she's ok taking bus into local town then wait for me there (note: I'm a bike commuter and ride most of the way home, so don't have my car). I ask him if she's aware of where to meet me. He says he made a suggestion to BM. I ask, did you tell SD14? No. Cover: "Why am I the go-between?" And made some other reminders to him about what he only recently said.

Waiting with SD14 I let her know, because NEITHER parent can seem to do so, that she'll take the bus up and meet me because I don't have my car. She's ok with it (mostly because it's me telling her straight up with no wishy-washy attitude).

Then I get home, cover up my bike. Go in. Well, DH needs my car (his is in shop) because he has to pick up SDstb12! REMINDER: he said no more rides for them! I make it very clear I'm not happy about it but I don't want to put the parents of her friend out so I remove everything from my car.

Happily, I still am not cooking for anyone.

Then he undermines me. SDstb12 and I putting away dishes. She asks me if the dishwasher is clean or dirty. I tell her open it and look. She does, about 6 inches, can't tell. I suggested opening the dishwasher more and really looking. DH then interrupts, "SD, the dishes are dirty." Cover, "Well, DH, isn't it better she learn a skill about how to tell that?" Icy, icy, icy. Bejeezus. This is how bad it can get.

Then once we're all upstairs and chatting, SD14 makes some very sly, very catty remarks and covers them with, "Oh, I just have a mean sense of humor." Later, I tell DH that I will not put up with that excuse any longer. "It didn't bother me," he says. But it bothered ME, DH. "I just didn't want to get into it tonight with her," he then says. Well, you never do DH. "What did she say?" he asks. I let him know I'm not getting into the details with him but if she does that again I am not putting up with it and I will say something - I don't have friends who act that way and I don't participate with people who act that way. B!tchiness disguised as 'joking' is still being a b!tch.

THEN, I forgot this one, SD14 is watching tv in the living area by herself. DH tells her to turn out the lights when she's done. Of course, she leaves a light on and DH does nothing. I get ready to sleep, DH mentions that SD forgot a light. I say, "uhhuh." He says, "You don't care do you?" Me, "Nope. Goodnight."

I'm about ready to just stop interacting with ALL of them soon. The issue is that SDstb12 is NOT the issue. DH just cannot let anyone 'parent' at all, even himself.