So in my last blog post I wrote about how DH was wanting me to be more defferential to him around the SDs.  I disagreed and haven't changed much, but for not doing some things.  DH had agreed, for the millionth time, to help more with stuff.  Last night I just couldn't take it.  He had promised to take out the full, stinking trash the day before and to order a new coffee carafe (which I had broken and I was totally POd at myself and he offered to take getting a replacement one to help).  Two days later none of that has been done.

I get that he's busy, I get that he's stressed, I get that he has some depression issues and ADD and screwed up his meds - but he doesn't seem to understant AT ALL how what he doesn't do, all of it, falls onto my shoulders.  That I end up covering and doing everything on my own.  I told him I was going to figure out what else I can cut out of my "doing" and I need to figure that out.  He agreed.  I also told him that having a clean home (not spotless or antiseptic but just CLEAN) was important to me, was part of my enjoyment on the weekend of coming home and not having to clean and to also, if I stop doing things, not have a filthy, discusing mess surrounding me - which is totally conceivable and a hard reality with DH as he doesn't know when things are clean or not...like a reeking, full trash can in the kitchen for two days and he doesn't notice, or food spilled all over the floor and he shrugs and walks away.

I'm seriously considering getting myself a counselor because I've just had it and don't know how to respond.  He's quite good at taking no responsibility for things, I mean, it takes 30 seconds to take out the trash and you really were way too busy to do it?  Even if you told me you would?  And you don't remember telling me you would, twice?!  WTF, not acceptable.

1) I have stopped doing his laundry since last posting.  I also no longer clean up his side of the closet.  He doesn't know what's clean or dirty?  Not my issue.  I just kick it aside into his pile if it's in my way.

2) I will continue to take care of major things like getting the chimney cleaned (fire hazard) or making sure I hire someone to take care of some of the bush cuttbacks in our yard which we don't have the tools for and the bigger they get, the more expensive it will be.

3) I'm going to have the cleaning person out one more time to clean the SDs bathroom, but will stop arranging it after that.  SD12 is taking pretty good care of it so far after the remodel, and I don't want to spend any more of my time on it.

4)  I'm going to hire someone to haul away the trash pile outside our garage, saving me 2 hrs of time.  He doesn't want me working so hard?  Well, then, I have to hire people to do stuff then.

5)  I'm not doing a lot of grocery shopping lately.  Mostly things for me, but not doing major shopping trips.  DH has noticed and commented on how bare our shelves/fridge are.  I haven't commented back because he's prefectly capable of shopping, and if his current contract job doesn't have enough hours for him, I won't compensate.

6) I will continue with the housecleaner to clean the upper floor once a month.  This is for me and I love her.

7) I'm going to make sure I do some fun stuff more me this weekend!  And tonight I'm doing nothing but coming home and reading a book on the front deck.  No cooking, no cleaning, nothing.  In fact, I may, sooner than later, book a hotel room for myself one of these nights!