As we got further along in discussions about travel, it came out that SDs have been really upset with my whole presence since late fall; telling their dad how much I am disliked and hate how I do things and basically hate me. This verifies/totally validates what I was feeling starting around then too. Cover1W is still here! What now? SHE cooks things OTHER THAN plain pasta!? She spends time alone with DP? She doesn’t let us make the living room into a mess whenever we want since we don’t want to clean up? We have to brush our teeth? She’s horrible.

Apparently he’s been talking with them all along about how I’m not going anywhere that they need to adjust to the situation, he loves me, etc., etc. SD11 complained about me being “rude” to her. DP asked for specifics and the only thing she could come up with is my problem with them often not eating their school lunches! DP pointed out to SD11 that SDs have a very picky eating problem and it’s not easy to make lunches and he told them they waste food and he’s about ready to just give them lunch money (the horror!) or have them make their own lunches (my vote!) – esp. since they won’t eat sandwiches. Thanks DP!

Roll out the book “Stepcoupling” by Susan Wisdom. We’ve had the book for a while, but DP hasn’t wanted to start it. Well, finally we did. And I think we’ll both learn from it.

He has to learn not to force it with them accepting me, and to support ME directly both in front of them and away from them. I learned that this isn’t necessarily about me at all, but about the changing relationship they have with their dad. They are getting older, BM is still single (and not dating?), dad has someone who “changes things.” So I have to do what I’ve been doing. Continue to disengage. Be there as a presence with a few rules to follow but DP will regulate what goes on. He’s also decided to split SD weekend cooking with me even further (he basically does all breakfasts and lunches – even though SDs are well old enough to do so but I do dinners to give him a break).

And meanwhile, I just continue watching the show.
Why, yes, DP, it IS tiring to help them to bed when you have to "gently ask" them 10x to brush their teeth, taking an extra 45 minutes of bedtime preparation.