Selfishness over child’s best
My fiancés ex refuses to let their child attend the school she was at last year. She THRIVED and for the first time in 8 years had friends! Ex is forcing her back to a school in no where with no friends, an hour bus ride each way, and a school that let her be significantly behind with no concerns, because the older child (another dad, shocking) is jealous and the priority.
She even admitted it was a selfish move but still ignores this sweet baby I get to be a SM to. Just don't get it!
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Does your fiance have joint
Does your fiance have joint legal custody? What is the physical custody arrangement? Does the court order say anything about school/education? Are the schools in question public or private, located near BM or fiance? Is fiance prepared or in a position to do anything about it?
It's in that she goes to exs
It's in that she goes to exs county schools, even though it's an hour away from where we live. Only way to change it is court and we're saving up to go and get full custody
Unfortunately one of the
Unfortunately one of the hardest lessons I learned as an SM was to put worries about my SDs educations out of my mind as much as possible. For years we offered to pay for private school or for tutors to enhance the subpar public school education my SD were receiving. BM adamantly refused, with zero explanation. (I secretly think it's because private school requires so much more parental involvement and she wasn't interested.) 50/50 custody, but BM had sole decision making with regard to education, and we'd already spent a fortune on court so just let it go.
Fast forward to neither kid being adequately prepared for the SAT/ACT or university, despite being in the top 10% of their classes (so you can imagine how poorly the school performs overall) and BM and the SDs all wail incessantly about how my DD is getting a solid private school education and it's "not fair." There seems to be no memory at all that the same advantages were offered to them for the last 13 years.
Anyway, I know it's hard to not care, but unless you can realistically fight it in court, this is one of those things that you have to disengage from and let the bio parents deal with the consequences.
It's just so frustrating. BM
It's just so frustrating. BM said that the school last year is hundreds of times better than where she's making her go. But the older child is the priority. Enough so that my SD is seeing it and starting to verbalize it. She's ignored so much at that house it breaks my heart. She can't have one thing that's her.
Do you think your SDs know
Do you think your SDs know that you offfered the same education but that their mother turned it down? Or do they just think they never got the chance to try?
Please tell us you have shared these facts with the SDs
and bared BM's idiot ass.
In the court order, what does
In the court order, what does it say about education, medical and legal decisions for the children? Are they supposed to make these decisions together or is the ex the main decision maker? Depending on what it says, your SO may not have any authority in where the child goes to school. Its a question of conservatorship.
This is so infuriating.
Idiot opposition parents who for some reason cannot get what is best for SKids through thick idiot skulls.
Fortunately we never had to deal with it. DW had full physical and legal. So whatever she chose is what happened regarding just about anything to do with SS.
After his 10th grade year we chose Military School for him for his 11th and 12th grade years. SpermGrandHag lost her shit. She was hagging out over having to pay for it. Nope, it was our choice and we paid for it. They were whining and crying of having to pay $133/mo in CS. Which basically never paid for shit. Military boarding school ended up being a great thing for SS. He matured, learned the connection between effort and results, and when he let his Spermidiot interfere in his opportunity by hacking the school firewall and the two of them playing WoW all night so DW failed a key class his Sr. year and got his ass brought home to finish HS, he had a truly effective lesson in the painful consequences of stupid choices. He was heartbroken that he could not return to that great school to graduate with his class. He is truly thriving in the armed forces as an adult, but... he recognizes his career would be much different had he not screwed up his Military school opportunity.
SS's success in his HS career, as tough as it was to make happen, and his success as an adult has marginalized his SpermClan in his life to the point that they are primarily irrelevent and he has nearly zero interface with them.
Kids are smart, they know who truly has their best interests at heart. When kept abreast of the facts that influence their blended family world, they can learn to protect themselves from the toxic influence of a toxic parent.
IMHO and experience of course.
Is the school closer to BM?
Is the school closer to BM? Maybe it's that it is more convenient for her and her to have both kids in the same school/school system?
Our schools are LEAPS ahead
Our schools are LEAPS ahead of where my SS attended school. It was a rural seed school. k-12 for 5 towns. His graduating class has less than 20 people. They don't even have math or English selections. It was Math 9, Math 10.. not Geometry, Statistics- nothing AP or advanced. It was pathetic and now that SS is going into college we are sure he is going to fail out.