Puppy Daze and ID-ation aka no gold medal for us...maybe bronzish?
We got a puppy. This is to be Husbands puppy. My Dad jokes "dont let him raise that puppy like he raised his daughters!"
To his credit he is walking in the am and walking in the PM, and hes being gentle with the critter. He has my buy in and my blessings, but that took a while.
Meanwhile, SD18 Princess Powersulk has been "puppy sitting". Meaning she gets up whenever, plays with puppy a little, he pees somewhere inside on the tile floor, she puts him outside, wonders why he doesnt go, puts him back in crate, and goes back to her room. Cycles through this routine a few times.
Ive been working with puppy and hes been good with me - goes on command and we play fetch.
Ive been giving chores out and shes been good about doing them. I send job ideas out. We are all tired and stressed and life is revolving around puppy for now. Its Day Four. Im thinking of all the cool projects and chores I can send along. Works for me right now.
Last night I OFFICIALLY got the 411.
- Yes, Toxic Troll needs SD18 PPSDN to continue her non-working dependent status to keep her subsidised apartment in Beach Town. I made noises about not supporting that. So now it is known.
- Driving - she is thinking her aunties will "help her" with it. No talk of when. I told her for anything she wants to do, she needs a PHOTO ID. BC, SSC and some docs like medical bills with her name on them. She responds with a little tremble in her voice "BUT I WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME" I tell her "honestly, jobs dont care what your name is, they just need a picture id. Then you can also get a bus pass so you can get around to your job".
- Ive given up on the passport idea. ive scaled it down to a discount bus pass for 1 month. And picture Id. Im going to wait it out until next week. I told husband that she needs to stay with us next week because we need her to help out. Anytime her mother wants her help shes right there, this time we need help
- Fafsa - her mother cannot get into her account because she cannot get into her email. So no fafsa for her and no free community college for her.
- She tells me "this is why I want a cash under the table job, so my mom doesnt lose her apartment and we dont become homeless". I point out that SD would not be homeless.
Im just tired. Burned out. But at least SD is doing SOMETHING useful, by spending time with the puppy. Hes pretty cute. Its bringing us together and Husband has been drilling down on skid doing things to help out. Hes not been hanging out w barnical buddy as much because he knows he needs to spend time with the pupster. We are finally sort of a team.
- CLove's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
"BUT I WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME
"BUT I WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME"
Good Christ does this child know what all that entails? The amount of work that goes into legally changing your name and the amount of money.
I get it both her parents are worthless and you are doing the best you can rolling that shit pile up a hill, but really it’s not your shit pile or your hill.
I would just tell SD18 PPSDN this reality, you will end up just like your mother, doing nothing, being nothing, relying on state aide and other people to keep you alive. This way at least you all can stop pretending that any of the effort your putting in is going to do any good.
Clueless
Shes def not Cher, but she is in fact clueless. Shes never had to work for anything, never had a real job, never been held accountable for anything and yes, I see it as shes putting up barriers to actually moving forward in her life. 'Utter nonsense and BS.
Yeah, Im getting ready to either push hard foward or back ALL the way off. Ill get more reward putting my energy into a puppy.
I really do want to tell her the facts of life. That her not getting a job to support her mother is not going to work for me.
SD not getting a job is not
SD not getting a job is not going to work for her. But, getting a job is going to be hard if you have no document to prove your identity. Her school id will only work for a little while.
If DH is serious about helping her, he needs to go to the DMV site and figure out the documents she needs and then help her get them. She's not driving so all she needs is a state ID. It does not even have to be a real ID. Dad needs to march her down to the DMV documents in hand. He'll have to go with her or there will be some excuse why it could not be done.
I don't buy the story that TT can't get into her email either. Most save their password so you don't have to type it everytime. And even if she really did lose it, companies usually have ways to recover it or get a new one. An email password is not a crypto currency key.
Put the screws on
To husband. Thats where I start.
She has aunties that are retired. Get the docs together and march down to dmv and get that photo id. then a bus pass. 18 and under is 35$ per month.
She is a TT and FF mini-me.
She is a TT and FF mini-me. Nothing more.
When everyone realizes that, life gets simple.
KISS
Its a complex process
Multiple steps, multiple forms, courthouse visits. I just looked into it.
Shes getting photo id government issue, period.
Good lord she'll never get a
Good lord she'll never get a job because of her mom's requirements... How sad she is following in the path of TT... Predictably. It's going to be a long road to get her to have a job when TTs house is dependant on her not getting one. She is making excuses left and right. No college either?? So can she just live at the beach house forever with TT, the both of them with no jobs?? Omg
TT has a job of some kind
she makes just under the capped income so she qualifies with skiddo.
Now Im really bummed. Its out there now.
All I can really tell her is to follow her art. Use her art skills and see where it takes her. Im at a loss.
No fafsa = no college.
There was a job posting at petsmart, and they train...and its good money. But she cant take it because then Toxic Troll would be homeless troll...
TT would not be the first
TT would not be the first loser to not be able to access her fasfa account due to change in email etc.. I am abundantly sure that if she called there would be a way around this.
no email = no excuse
I would also put my foot down about her living situation.
Fine, if you want to align with mom to game the system for a few more years of rent reduced housing.. at the expense of your future.. then fine.. go live there.. you no longer have a room here..because.. remember.. you live with your mother.
I would also remind her that if her mother really cared about her.. she would at minimum be moving heaven and earth to get that fasfa stuff done so at the very least, her daughter could be getting an education while she doesn't work so that her mom can keep her housing situation. But, the reality is her mom wouldn't be asking her to put her life on hold if she truly cared.
I would also make sure that she understood how disappointed you were in her scheming to earn money under the table.. and that you must have mistakenly thought she actually had morals and knew right from wrong.
I would also remind her that her mother's living situation is of her own making.. and it's horrible that she is pushing guilt down onto her child over it.
I don't know that you have anything to lose by giving her the facts of life here....
I mean.. if your DH gets mad and wants a divorce.. well.. bucko.. that would not be the worst outcome.. but he won't.. he is dependent on you too.
I might pointedly remind him if he had done a better job of parenting his kid.. he wouldn't be at this point with her.. but that if his daughter is following in mom's footsteps.. it won't be in your home.
100%! I am telling you Clove,
100%! I am telling you Clove, the password is BS. They can reset that as easy as 1,2,3.
They are full of cr@p.
Totally full of Crap
And I am TIRED.
College - well once she spends time doing crappy work for hardly any money, she will be incentivised to get on that fafsa train.
For now - she needs to get and keep a job.
That requires a photo ID.
Thank you
IM reading and re-reading.
The most I said about that was "I dont support that"...
I needed to gather my thoughts and you wrote them out so perfectly.
Does he understand that means
Does she understand that means that taxes are not being paid, so that is illegal and she will have no benefits or workers protections?
These kids can be pretty dim and with parents like TT I'm sure being paid under the table has been normalized, so she may not really understand the implications.
Maybe you could push your husband to explain it all to her?
FFS.. change her name? I
FFS.. change her name? I would tell her that getting her ID is non-negotiable.. that living in your home part time.. it is non-negotiable that she become at least part time employed. or be a full time student.. period.
I'm not 100% sure a dependent needs to be non working per se.... I think that they actually have a way of disregarding income earned in the first year.. and some in the 2nd as well... which would kick the can down the road.. plus princess would be getting some experience.
Here is the problem I have with what mom is doing..
How long does she plan to operation this charade? Does princess understand that she will be rotting away for the next X years.. and won't have anything to show for it? who is going to pay for things she wants? mom? hahaha. Working under the table for cash is ILLEGAL.. and what kind of mother would handicap their child by preventing them from living their life for however many years to game the system. TRASH.. and your husband is TRASH if he allows this crap to go on.
Your SD is not doing anything useful.. or productive.. playing with the puppy? geeze.. just another excuse to not do anything..
I would be about at the point to die on a hill with your lazy husband and his lazy daughter.
Yep, hard agree. All I hear
Yep, hard agree. All I hear are excuses, excuses and more excuses all around.
Im going to research a little
I enjoy researching.
What Skid did mention was her mother "said I could only have a parttime job". But non specific as to limitation on $$ earned.
I told her she needs to get a parttime job and the only way she can do that legally is to have a photo id governement issued.
So, now shes been told what she needs to do.
Do I push for it?
i would tell your husband.
i would tell your husband.
The conditions of PS maintaining any residency in this home.. any room is that she goes to school at least part time.. and gets a part time job.
period.. she has 30 days to secure a job.. and she needs to provide proof that FAFSFA was submitted within 30 days.
CC has classes that you can often "do at your own pace".. or have other than pure semester start times.. just becaue she missed one deadline.. doesn't mean that she necessarily missed everything..
PLUS.. starting now means she should have no problem by the january semester start right?
And.. at this point.. I would almost suggest your SO pony up enough for her to at least take ONE class now.. and work part time.
She needs to start.. she needs a shove to make it happen.
Your husband needs to hear that you don't want his daughter in the home if she isn't making progress.
For anything and everything
She needs that government issued photo id. Im starting there.
That is a good starting point
That is a good starting point. If she gives you BS about a name change say no. Get the ID first. If she wants a name change she can do that at a later date but it's imperative she does this now.
My option, and not everyone's
My option, and not everyone's, is that sometimes kids need a push. This kid needs a big one as TT is pushing her backwards.
Getting a photo ID is something she needs. Now that she is 18 she needs it for health care even if her insurance is from a parent. I'd print out the document requirements from the DMV site and give it to her.
The list can be confusing so I probably would go through it with her and have her check off what she has and what is needed. If she does not have possession of social security card and birth certificate, I don't see TT giving them up. But, she is 18 and can order then online or by mail herself. (Although Dad will probably have to pay.)
This is what I was considering
Explain the facts, go through the requirements list, with Dad on board. She has only 1 other option - go live with Toxic Troll full time.
Waits until the puppy pees
Waits until the puppy pees inside before taking him outside. Nice.
Powersulk would put into a job exactly what she puts into this joke of puppy-sitting: as little as possible.
All of this BS has basically sucked you right back in to trying to help, looking up things, and re-engaging. The only things that are different are SD's age and the puppy.
So...
My options:
1. I boot her out to her mothers. No job, no college, no room here for her. Dad gets pissed. Have to deal with him full time.
2. Sit her down, explain the facts. Explain what she needs to do, give her a timeline/deadline. Dont do anything to push her forward.
3. Push her forward. The BIG CHANGE is she is now 18, and graduated. No high school excuse to fall back on. No threats of court and increase child support. Plus puppy.
Those are definitely some
Those are definitely some options.
Powersulk might think her crappy mother's lifestyle is a dream come true as she aspires to be as lazy as possible to score a beach house. Even pop out a baby for CS. IMO, your H only gets on her because you get on him. Some he makes a half-assed effort to appease you. He'd probably be ecstatic to have a father-daughter fishing business.
While it's likely that Powersulk will suffer in the long run, you are the one who has been suffering for years.
CLove, you are a beautiful woman with a generous nature and a loving heart. And I loathe seeing you in the middle of this because... lazy assed parents.
1. I boot her out to her
Im not married so what I say is from a single person perspective
but her dad getting pissed if you hold her accountable and expect her to contribute to your home if she lives there is part of the problem. What rational person would get mad someone trustworthy is helping their kids become better versions of themselves?
straight from the horse's
straight from the horse's mouth (or web site)
What do I do if I forgot my FSA ID username and/or password?
If you have an FSA ID but don't remember your username, select "Forgot Username."
Note: If you verified your email address or mobile phone number during account creation, you can enter your email address or mobile phone number instead of your username.
If you have an FSA ID but don't remember your password, select "Forgot Password."
the problem is it sounds like
the problem is it sounds like her mom doesn't have access to the email account..but again.. that is something she likely can get around somehow.. maybe by using her cell phone number.
email account
The story I got is her mother is locked out of her email account. An apple id email account. Thats the story. So either I state I dont believe her or I dont believe her mother. Either way still no fafsa happening, until they get their chit together. Im not waiting for that.
College isnt a requirement at this point. A JOB is. Im starting with govt issue picture id.
If someone told my I'd lose
If someone told my I'd lose several thousand dollars if I didn't figure out my password
oh trust and believe I'll have that password asap
for people who work the system for money .... and even regular normal sane folks .... yeah the email account password being unattainable is fishy
but then again if they're the type of people who don't work hard for anything then trying to recover a password is "too much work" they don't want to do
College isnt a requirement at
Good!!!
This is a requirement I have too for any 18+ offspring
I work too hard to be carrying dead weights
Toxic Troll needs SD18 PPSDN
I personally would tell PowerSulk if she wants to continue non working status to benefit her toxic troll mother then she needs to go live over there then because anyone living in my home will be contributing financially and otherwise
If she wants to get paid under the table whatever she can go offer dog sitting services to the neighbors, go work at a tattoo shop and have clients pay cash, whatever but doing nothing and bringing in no income as an able bodied adult is not acceptable
all in my opinion anyway
I totally agree with this
I totally agree with this that if she wants to have no job cause of her mom she lives there. Very logical. Those choices have that outcome.
With the wonderful job
DH did with his kids. Do you really trust him with the dog. You will have the first puppy with money problems.. SD in not helping with puppy house breaking if she keys him pee on the floor. She should be taking him outside on a leash. Once puppy goes then back into house to learn what's going out means
yeah, right?
Hopefully he will do better this time...! Third times the charm?
I could not imagine having a
I could not imagine having a batting average of 0.00% as a multiple breeding parent.
That is failure beyond imagination. It is also failure that never ends. For the remainder of his life, and the entire lives of FF and PPSDN that failure will be on display to the world.
I would include TT in the 0.00 failed parent club but she considers her own life and the lives of her idiot spawn to be something to be proud of. Apparently.
Truly sad.