Old Dart
From what I have read in your past posts it surprises me that you have come to this feeling of wanting to move back to your home state and spend the rest of your time with family and friends. You have been through the ordeal of cancer. With life threatening ordeals and getting older it is not unusual to start questioning "If our time is limited, am I where I want to be and could I be happier elsewhere."

Several years back my husband decided he did not want to be married any longer. We had met after all our children were adults. The idea of everyone connecting as a family just did not work. From the time we got married we were constantly involved with one major catastrophe after another. Always in his family.

What should have been an enjoyable,easy life of retirement was instead non stop kaos. The final blow was when his mom was murdered by a serial killer and the home she lived in with family burned down. We survived on adrenaline for the next year as we both took charge of the hands on renovating another place for family to live. We spent time in court when the killer was caught, we took in yet another grandchild to keep her out of foster care.

Finally everything went back to some sense of normal. Just the 2 of us. The adrenaline of pushing ourselves to just keep going, to meet everyones needs, was replaced on my husbands part with depression. Neither of us recognized it. It just creaped into our life over time after everything had calmed down.

He insisted on selling everything and moving to a trailor in another state. So he bought his brother's trailor and moved 1 block from him. Iquess the bottom line here is that when you go home it usually is not the same as you think it will be. Iwas able to get him into a dr. that immediately saw his depression. And also ran tests to discover diabetes, copd,3 heart blockages and other health problems that were adding to his depression and unclear thinking. We have stayed together and worked hard to recoup all that was lost in this move.

In reality , he spends very little time with his brother , family members or friends. This is not school days, or young single days with time to hang out. All these people have lives of their own. The welcome you receive on an occassional vacation visit is different. All the closeness he thought he would feel is not happening. We have" our" life together. Had everything played out differently he would have found himself in a strange city, alone and depressed. Family was not going to give up too much of their time from their own children and wives to entertain him.
\ Are you possibly depressed and wondering if life could be different due to that?