SD15 sloth so great they don't want her at summer school
So last week I stupidly got involved in helping DH and BM get their summer school ducks in a row for SD15 who is flunking math and chemistry and nearly flunking a few others, too. I don't keep count.
DH and BM suddenly got all fired up to put her in summer school to retake these classes because, you know, that's what sane parents would do. Sorry, girlie, being a little pissant all school year does not get you out of studying, you just lost your summer vacay, try again.
DH calls the math teacher on Fri to get his advice on which Math section he should enroll her in for summer. Math teacher says she doodles in class all day so he moved her desk to the front of the class so it's right next to his to make her stop since she wouldn't be able to "sneak." We knew this from last semester. (he moved her desk at the end of last semester)
Now her desk has been right in front of his and in front of the other kids for a couple months and she still doodles. So he confiscated her notebook. So she "borrowed" one from another kid. He confiscated that. So she started doodling in her English book. Now he just leaves her be.
So math teacher told DH putting her in summer school wouldn't do any good because she'll just pull the same crap. He also pointed out summer school is more rigorous than regular school and gently conveyed to DH that putting her in any class at all for the summer was bound to fail due to her lack of motivation and unwillingness to participate. Plus it would cost DH $320 for the summer school tuition which would invariably be a total loss. Might as well drive down the highway throwing 320 greenbacks out the window.
DH only told me the part about the teacher steering him away from summer school at all last night. I couldn't help but express a little shock and dismay. But mostly I bit my damn tongue. I'm utterly disgusted.
Girl laughed and played all weekend and allegedly did some homework from time to time. Sometime in the next 2 weeks DH will discover the assignments she claimed to complete this weekend weren't really completed after all. Then he'll grumble about how the teachers don't enter the scores onto the portal in a timely fashion. Only this time I won't defend the teachers and re-focus on to the parents and student like I usually do. This time I will just say, "mmm," and suddenly need something in the other room.
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Sounds like Thunderfoot
Sounds like Thunderfoot (SD16) She just doodles all day long in EVERY class apparently. She even posted some picture of something on Instagram that she doodled in class because she "hates taking notes". She's got a D in geometry which I consider failing whether it is or not. She has 4 classes and only 2 of them are "real" classes. She's passing the 2 not needed for graduation and failing the 2 she actually needs. Imagine that. I have tried to talk to her and to DH about it but I am getting no where with her or him. We have also discussed summer school but I think we are in the same boat as you. What good will it do? She's not going to pay any attention in there either.
Personally I think she needs
Personally I think she needs to work at Hardees all summer. I mean all summer. LIke two or three fastfood jobs at over 40 hours a week to prepare herself for her future.
We discussed that. He was
We discussed that. He was carrying on about having her get a summer job instead like this was a real thing. I said and what magical power is going to motivate her to scrub toilets or dip frozen fries into boiling oil or show up on time any more than do a damn math sheet? Employers don't have to take it and won't. They won't sit her at the front of the restaurant and then just ignore her all day when they realize she won't work. She'll just be fired on the first day. Game, set, and match to SD. As always.
Her parents could take her phone away, make her do household chores all day, sentences a la Rags, remove other favorite items, all things she could earn back with proper behavior or flat out change schools and custody. Instead, they are at a loss and DH is the only one really trying. And now he's got fantasies that she'll get up on time and head out to a job when she won't do this for school.
No learning disorder. Very
No learning disorder. Very smart. She has a character disorder combined with bizarrely permissive and blind parenting. Her character disorder is that she is naturally very aggressive and mean-spirited and self-centered. Imagine the insolence of sitting right in front of the class and drawing cats and dragons where all can see, including Teach.
I love the daily homework sheet idea. I wonder why no teacher has suggested this at her high school. Not in this solar system would BM (who has school days custody) have anything to do with these sheets. ("She told me she finished her hw and I believe her! Stop bugging me, child's father!") But DH would collect them and see them through on Tuesday nights and weekends (EVERY weekend).
My only guess is that what the school told us in 8th grade orientation is true: no one's going to hold your hand here.
She loves failure and disorder. She states so. Compliments DH when she arrives and she sees he has mess on the table or something. If I clean something up she tells me not be "fancy." She's plenty smart and can carry on quite a high level conversation with her dad about science or something. She just takes pleasure in chaos and in creating chaos. Though sloth, of course, she'd never make an effort.
She IS a terrible parent and
She IS a terrible parent and no, he does not turn a blind eye. But he's not a magician. Has no potion to cure GUBM Syndrome. There's mild to moderate PASing and he is struggling to hang in there just against that let alone grades.
Just Friday SD15 asked him if she could stay the weekend at BMs because she has a hair appointment. DH said no cuz grades. Teen Girl sends back a vitriolic text "what is it about this 'custody' thing anyway? why should my Time With Mom be tied to schoolwork? I demand you tell me now in a text because talking is too vague. I want an answer right now."
So right there she's equating Time With Mom with a glittering reward she deserves for being her glorious self and Dad the Big Bad Meanie is trying to take it away. Not to mention the overall hideousness of the tone and content of the message. He really is up against a lot.
I know! Why can't she be sent
I know! Why can't she be sent to the principal's office or something? But the whole school is like that. A few weeks ago she was called in to the vice principal's office for threatening another student (check my blog for that one ETA: that's actually on the Teenage Stepchildren forum). The classes she missed for this trip to the woodshed were marked as excused absences! I almost choked when I heard that.
It's an excellent school---for kids who want to take advantage of it. I was really impressed when we went for 8th grade orientation night. Really wowed by all the great upper classmen who were there that night to welcome the newbies. But now I see they are a great school for achievers. They are not interested in pouring endless resources into an insolent sloth who is determined to fail. They pretty much said it that night and I guess they meant it. Really, it's on the student and the parents anyway.
Dominatrix (SD16) posts in FB
Dominatrix (SD16) posts in FB (and probably Instagram) that she's watching movies during Algebra and Science--two of her most epic fail classes--never brought home anything higher than a D over the last ten years in math nor science.
I'm beginning to think that
:jawdrop:
I'm beginning to think that we should turf kids out of school at 16 like the Brits do. If you are motivated to keep educating yourself, great, keep at it and go further. But no more babysitting of insolent sluggards with tax dollars. If they had to pay and make an effort they would value it more. Forcing them to go at 16 and 17 is just prolonging their useless childhood. Not adolescence, childhood. Think of the kids in other parts of the world who would desperately love an education but it isn't available. Makes me sick to see kids like this just throwing away all this free education offered to them.
Hells bell. This kid isn;t
Hells bell. This kid isn;t going to launch ever, is she?
She will launch from my
She will launch from my house, damnit. She can loll on the coach at BM's till she's 35 but not mine. I have already made that perfectly clear and he's accepted it. He's hinted it to her. Goes right over her head, but I hear him do it and I keep holding him to it. I know he's worried. But he is clear that he doesn't want the 21 year old overgrown "teen" on his couch, either. He knows I'll help all I can but I am drawing that line.
oh yes, she will launch. one
oh yes, she will launch. one way or the other - if not proverbially then she will be physically launched!!!
I feel the same except we get
I feel the same except we get her every damn weekend anyway. I'd rather send her to summer CAMP and have her really gone. And it would be good for her. But that will never happen.