venting...
ok,
so now that I know I'm not the only woman in the world to has "issues" with the skids so I feel like I need to vent. So here it goes. I have issues with the skids (SD6 and SS4) I have no kids of my own, so stepping into this I have NO maternal anything... and was recently told i need to start loving them like they are my own?? umm hello, I dont know how I'm supposed to love anything like my own when I dont have my own??? So i get over that quick, yeah I'll try harder, I see how i'm not putting 100% into it. So we get the skids friday night... and I try, I try my hardest to do whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing... So SD gets a nasty ear infection, and well news to me but apparently they leak.. so now i have "ear infection juice" all over my furniture and DH says its not gross.. um excuse me but yes it is.. This morning they wake up at 6:30am and have not shut up. and they are LOUD. I cant wait to get reemed out by my landlord who live upstairs. And as we speak SD6 is right over my shoulder trying to read this. So at this point I've asked them to be quite like 10 times and no this is not an exaggeration. I think they turn off the listening part of their brains when they come here. I'm soooo sick of tree house that i want to smash the shit out of our T.V. The puppy is a great thing to play with until the puppy wants to play back... then its "she bit me" or "she wont leave me alone" and then we dont play with her in the living room... but again that part of the brain turns off and they dont here me tell them to stop every 5 minutes... so my puppy gets to suffer the consequences because its not elligal to put a puppy in the crate. (not saying i would put the skids in a cage, but I would rather put the puppy in her crate than listen to DH if i sent them to their room.) ughhhhhhhhhh sooo at this point my apartment is destroyed...and its going to take me ALL day Moday to clean. I refuse to do a thorough clean while they are here because it gets destroyed 10 minutes later. DH doesnt make them clean their room before they leave either.. and since i leave the parenting to the parent, i really have 0 authority and cannot force them to clean their room.. although I'm tempted to walk in with a garbage bag and see how fast they move. I'm Hungry is a popular prhase in this place.. and they are PICKY.. i never buy anything right.. and SS4 is anaphalactic to all trea nuts and fish/shell fish.. SOOO its not like i can even through toast and PB infront of them, nutella isnt even allowed in the door. Its froot loops, bacon, and yogurt... What a healthy and nutritious breakfast. (NOT) so I should end this rant ad go clean the pee off the toilet seat and make bacon..
Ladies (and gents??) thank you sooo much for letting me vent. I feel better already.
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Comments
I think what he means by
I think what he means by "loving them like your own" is that you should take care of all their crap so he doesn't have to do anything.
Why is cleaning and cooking for them 100% your job? Next to the bio dad often not providing any discipline I think the second worst thing is that bio dad expect SM to be personal maid, nanny and just general flunky for the kids so he can "relax".
I agree with this. Why are
I agree with this. Why are you doing all the work? I have no problem letting someone else's mess sit until they clean it up. Grocery shopping? Yeah that became SOs job after realizing how much junk the skids eat and waste. Plus why am I dipping into my budget for "special food" that I don't eat on people I didn't give birth to. All things skids are SOs responsibility.
Put your foot down. In your situation I would just say the kids have made messes and I am no longer cleaning up after them just letting you know it's on you now. I would be neutral in tone. Just matter of fact. Then I would use that extra grocery money you stop spending and get my nails done or go have a meal with a friend. Everytime SO pisses me off overstepping my boundaries with the skids, I call a friend and I am ou the door
Sounds a lot like my house,
Sounds a lot like my house, although I have teenagers who should damned well know better than to act like chimps on crack! I also have dogs - 4 adult and a puppy - and they sometimes do end up in their crates to reduce the chaos. Which sucks because it is NOT their fault and frankly, I like them better than the skids!
You know, they DO make huge crates for the larger breeds of dogs. Not to mention that kennels have large spaces for such breeds. How incredibly unfair that it is frowned upon to use them for the skids! I can't tell you how many times I have bemoaned that fact - only half jokingly! And by the way, apparently the use of shock collars is out for them too. Damn it!!!!!
}:)
What do YOU want your
What do YOU want your relationship with your step kids to look like? It sounds like you have more responsibility than you really want (or really should have). As a step mom, you don't have to love them like your own, you don't have to cook for them and clean up after them and you don't have to accept disrespect and bad behavior. You don't have to do all those things and still be a good step mom. Take a minute to think about what role you want to play in their lives. You don't have to be a mother figure...they already have one mom. You do have to respect their relationship with your husband at the least.
I don't cook for SD, I don't clean up after her, I don't put her to bed and I don't have to discipline her (but I will if I have to and I have permission). I am not responsible for her. I will be there for her when she needs me for whatever...a hug, a cut on her finger, a talk, girlie stuff. I will entertain her (my husband isn't gifted at the art of entertaining little girls...women for that matter) and play with her. I will be a positive role model..I will be someone she can look up to and I think that is the MOST important role I have for her. I will not be disrespected or a doormat. Think about these simple ground rules of what will and will not do, can or cannot do and think about having a conversation with your husband because you will need his support. I wouldn't be with my husband if his expectations of me were not in line with what I can give. I don't have kids of my own either. My husband and I are battling infertility (being a step mom makes it so much harder for me to deal too). I have no idea what I am doing (neither does my husband) and that's ok. Who told you what you need to love them like your own is an idiot and clearly idealistic. Think about what you want....not wanting the kids is an internal battle all of us face, but we don't have the choice...it's the price of admission we pay to be with our husbands. Since they are here, what would you like your life with them to be like?
Hi ladies. I think the I end
Hi ladies.
I think the I end up doing most (all) of the work because if i dont do it, it just endsup sitting there and I hate mess. So i think i'll just shut the skids BR door and when they come next and its not sparkling clean they will get it. (wishfull thinking) I think though that on the other hand its almost expected of me because i'm home all day, so why cant i? (I dont work during winter months, Canada eh) and trust me, its not like i sit on my ass and do dick all, but I will admit that i do have a couple of hours in my day that i dedicate to me. stuck 33: I think you and I have alot in common. My DH and I just went through two consecutive MC. we lost one at 12W in Sept, found out we were expecting again at christmas, and by mid jan we were loosing it too. So It makes my "not nice feelings" far more intense. I dont think I would call my feelings "hate" I do however think they are snobby, inconsiderate, spoiled brats. LUCKILY the skids have left.. and now we dont get them again until next thursday.
That really does make things
That really does make things harder. Sorry for your losses.