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Coming in Second...

Chel Bell's picture

Submitted by Chel Bell on Sat, 03/22/2008 - 11:33am

Just trying to look on the bright side in light of the holiday weekend. Let's take a moment, forget about the kids , skids, and think about how lucky we sometimes are to be the 2'd wife in this "race" of married life. I know....what's so lucky about it right. I used to hate it myself. Being 2'd to anyone is not my life's ambition either. But recently I have started looking at it in a different way. I used to hate conversations with my DH, about his EX. Hearing all the "stories", you know, Now I use them as lessons on "what not to do". Because of EX , I know things that I may not have been aware of if I was here first. I know ...sometimes in great detail..... what my DH does not like, what bothers him the most, and what he simply will not put up with, all without having any personal attachment to it.Not saying everythings perfect, but the info. really helps. Smile Also, after all my DH went through, in his marriage with her,( they had alot of "bugs"to work on) and their horrific and painful divorce, he put himself "out there" for me to find him, let me in to his heart, and again, say those words..."will you marry me". It makes me feel like what we have is so valueble, that our relationship means so much more, because in our "past lives"(marriages) we both had time to see what we really expected from a spouse, and what we wanted in regaurds to a family. My DH said he has just now discovered through trial and error (for lack of a better term) with EX,... what he really wants to come home to. The way we raise our child, and how we treat eachother will be so much better for it. It brings us closer in a different way. Also...keeping this all in my mind makes me smile alot more through the rain, that's also good for our relationship. NOW you want to hear something really crazy.....for the rest of the "race".... I'm going for last place!!! Chel

Comments

Roselin's picture

Submitted by Roselin on Sat, 03/22/2008 - 10:30pm

Thanks for a little perspective : ) I'm number four and hopefully the last...

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 03/23/2008 - 10:47am

I did not get married til late, I did not think it was that good a deal for the woman and no one convinced me otherwise until DH. But I really did want a good lifetime partnership, a legal marriage, that was a goal I set for myself for my life. I was worried though that I was getting too old to have kids, it doesn't seem fair to the kids or me. It took a lot of pressure off me when I realized there were lots of men who were divorced who already had kids, so would not look to me for that. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth for some reason.

Also I realized that if they were divorced they probably had learned something about marriage and being a good partner and probably would not want another divorce. So while all my girlfriends were holding out for a man who had no kids and never married, I decided to be open to the ones who had 'lived and learned' and had the kids already. And it worked out great for me, I am very happy w/DH despite BM! so '2nd' is fine for me Smile

I like your picture Chel!!

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

Gmama's picture

Submitted by Gmama on Sun, 03/23/2008 - 7:41pm

i felt like number 2 for a long time, and even somtimes resented it.
i always want to be number one. i wondered if WE'D ever have a past,or memories? and then one day it started happening, his sisters started getting marreid,babies being born,we shared the loss of loved ones and had a blast on our honeymoon,we stay up late some nights on work nights and just talk in the dark.and before i knew it WE started having a history,sure i look at the things i missed in his life before and she maybe shared the begining of his life but i get the rest of it.